Things my husband asked me today (light hearted)

[ButtSurgery]

So far today:

Sent him to Lidl with a small shopping list. Phoned to ask whether cottage cheese is the same thing as sour cream and if not, where is it in the shop.

Phoned again to ask how big is 2 pints of milk and is that different from 2 litres of milk.

Phoned later from the local garage to ask if I wanted a new tyre on the car as it has a nail through it and a slow puncture. He is at the garage for an appointment to get the front tyres checked and replaced if needed anyway as they were around the legal minimum.

Phoned again to tell me his work have bounced his expenses because he needs to send them to another email address. What is the email address he needs to contact? (note we work for wholly unrelated employers).

What time is the dog walker coming? Does he need to be here to hand her over or does the dog walker come in with a key and pick her up? (note we have had the walker for months and he knows the drill is to hand the dog over!)

What time am I finishing work? SAME TIME I FINISHED EVERY BLOODY DAY.

Oh there's more but they are the stand out ones. He needs to fuck off back to sea.

Is this mango ripe? He is stood within reach of the mango. I am in another room and cant even see it.

A range of questions that can be googled- e.g. what time does B and Q close. Then he'll say that's not right or say I am being difficult of I say I don't know.

I strongly believe it is attention seeking in a weird way. Anything food related, I just say of you can't see it you can't have it. Amazing how it suddenly materialises

DH had a hissy fit and decided he was going in to the local small city on the bus on his own.
So far I've had, what time is my bus? What time is my bus back? Which stop do I catch it from? Where will it stop when I get back?.

Mine does it with his work shirts. If this ironed yet? Well if you can’t tell go iron it.

What’s for dinner, check the menu I’ve already made

What do you need from the shops? Me nothing but the children want

whats that song I like?? Me just 😶 not a bloody clue mate.

Has his mother made a power of attorney. How he should use dental floss. Why the bread was mouldy.

Tape measures are commonly are 150 cm long. One side is in cm - he may not know how many cm there are in a metre.

That's correct for a dress makers tape measure but they also come in many other different lengths. My metal retractable DIY tape measure is 10 metres long with cm and inches marked on opposite edges of the same face of the tape measure. Feet and metres are also marked.

Oh god, my ex husband was like this.
I was on an early shift one Saturday and l asked him to go and pay the gas bill (long time before internet banking) "They close at 12 on Saturdays, so you'll need to go before that."
"Yes, yes! I'm not stupid!"
I got home from work at half past four. He's got his coat on and he's clutching an envelope that looks suspiciously familiar.
"Did you pay the gas bill?"
"I'm going now!"
"They shut at twelve. If they'd been open now, l'd have gone."
"I didn't know...."
FFS.... not just one occasion, either. Things like this happened over and over, and not just the gas bill.
After we'd split up he came to my house to collect the dog (she lived with me but he had her sometimes).
"I'll have to go and top my electric up, l got home and everything's off, the credit's run out...."
Might have been a good idea to do that before he came to my house, then.
God knows how many hours it had been off. Just clueless.
And l'd been accused of being 'controlling'. If l'd left things to him, we'd likely have been out on the street.

Ex, where is this, where is that

Me, in the house/shed/garden 😄

After my mother died and we were clearing out the house, my brothers, both divorced and who had been living in her house for years, asked me, where the electric meter was. It was in the cupboard where the coats were stored and also the vacuum cleaner.

One from many moons ago…an ex-P and at the airport
“Did you pack my passport?”
With the benefit of hindsight I really wished I hadn’t…

😂😂😂😂 Brilliant.

A radio show this morning had a segment on why more young men, rather than young women, tend to stay living at home with parents.
I felt a bit mean by going almost immediately to the generalisation that men are inherently lazy and will choose the path of least difficulty. Why would they move out of a comfortable, cosseted space where meals are cooked, clean laundry appears, living costs are minimal, etc, etc.
Dare I say it... A bit pathetic and ick-inducing.

(This is absolutely notttt intended to castigate everyone who continues to live at home for whatever reason, but dammit... Maintain some self-sufficience, independence and respect)

Turn your phone off

I was at work (early shift) one day and he rang me, most indignant, wanting to know "Where's the instruction book for the iron?"
Apparently I'd committed the cardinal sin of putting one unironed shirt in his wardrobe amongst all the ones l had ironed.
And he genuinely thought there was an 'instruction book' which gave you an idiot's guide how to iron a shirt.
When we split up l taught him how to iron. Even bought him a cheap iron.
I kept the good cordless one, though.

I have been asked every year for 18 years what date is Christmas this year, not day, date.
It is that predictable, I started taking bets on when in October or November I will be asked said question.

My brother was in the Navy too and commented once about how hard it is to adjust to civilian life - so many things in the forces are 'taken care of' that you don't have to think about. Though on the plus side, I think he is very good at ironing.

Yes, that's why I said "commonly." 😊

I’d asked my Ex husband to pick up some new potatoes once….

he rang me asking how he’d know which ones were new and which were old 🤔

Oh god my BIL is like this - calls my sister CONSTANTLY asking stupid questions. It would literally drive me insane. I don't even like being asked "what time are you back?" when I'm going somewhere 😂

Well yes I would assume some additional needs somewhere

YANBU, that would drive me mad.

Let me introduce you to my DH sometime. Absolutely no additional needs or ND whatsoever, not a scrap, but a deep sense of entitlement that I am his secretary/PA/fount of all knowledge, can be asked anything and usually have an answer.

(To be fair, I usually do have an answer, but not always the one he wants to hear.)

My ex once had to stop his dad from ironing a (nylon/polyester) football shirt with a very hot iron.
His dad is a professor of metallurgy.
Apparently his extensive knowledge of metal production didn't translate to how garments made from man made fibres would react when exposed to extreme heat.

Mine:

Him: What tablets did I order? Why have I had this text? They (GP I assume) say I need a blood test after 3m (you took ONE in MARCH before you told me you felt ill and stopped) I'm not taking those.

Me: did they issue your repeat prescription?
Him: I don't know, I need to mow the lawn. goes upstairs to change Are these "Statins"?.. these in my drawer are the "statin" NO THEY'RE NOT they're heart meds (angina) that you were supposed to go back after 5 days and have an ECG, but wouldn't.

Honestly. I've checked out already to a point.
I won't let him kill himself, but he does have to sort his own shit.

@ButtSurgery 🍻 cheers. Even though mine will phone from bloody Morrisons I've stopped that too because he can't find something I've drawn a fucking map for!

And breathe....

Phoned me from town asking where he would buy stamps from and how much they would cost. Pointed him in the right direction and get a call a few minutes later... how many stamps do I have to put on the (standard) envelope 🤣