Things my husband asked me today (light hearted)

[ButtSurgery]

So far today:

Sent him to Lidl with a small shopping list. Phoned to ask whether cottage cheese is the same thing as sour cream and if not, where is it in the shop.

Phoned again to ask how big is 2 pints of milk and is that different from 2 litres of milk.

Phoned later from the local garage to ask if I wanted a new tyre on the car as it has a nail through it and a slow puncture. He is at the garage for an appointment to get the front tyres checked and replaced if needed anyway as they were around the legal minimum.

Phoned again to tell me his work have bounced his expenses because he needs to send them to another email address. What is the email address he needs to contact? (note we work for wholly unrelated employers).

What time is the dog walker coming? Does he need to be here to hand her over or does the dog walker come in with a key and pick her up? (note we have had the walker for months and he knows the drill is to hand the dog over!)

What time am I finishing work? SAME TIME I FINISHED EVERY BLOODY DAY.

Oh there's more but they are the stand out ones. He needs to fuck off back to sea.

At least he didn’t ask if you wanted your washing hanging out! That used to really wind me up. Most of the f’ing items were not mine!

Because his incompetence is entirely affected and designed to, over time, get the OP to stop asking him to do anything and instead work herself to the bone carrying the entire mental load.

Nah, I'm the Stig of the Dump around here. An actual hoarder although I'm better these days because I live with someone. When I lived alone I paid professionals twice in five years to empty my flat. Complex MH symptom that one, I really struggle to throw anything out and force myself to have a mass chuck out once a month.

XH text on Tuesday to check if it was safe for 10 year old DD to have an actimel yoghurt because she takes a daily multivitamin and he thought it might overdose her. He has previously checked with me that peas will still be safe to eat because he let them boil and the packet said not to.

Oh OP, I would strangle him with my bare hands.

Maybe try testing him with some different answers, e.g.:

Cottage cheese is a form of spread that's made exclusively in America, a bit like Vegemite being from Australia. You might find it under the "world foods" section, or maybe on a shelf near the peanut butters, which as you know will be in the toiletries area.

2 pints of milk are roughly equivalent to 7 litres and normally come in a bright green container. You can't miss it really, just keep checking the shelf. Or you could always ask a shop assistant for help.

Does the mechanic really insist on us having tyres? Ask his advice on whether we can just manage without, would it cause any problems over the next year or so? If not, let's not bother.

Don't email them your expenses, call them and kick up a stink that they bounced them. The number is [insert a kid's radio show or something].

The dog walker is coming at xx o'clock, so please remember to have a packed lunch ready for her as agreed last time we saw her.

I will be finishing work at 7pm next Tuesday. [Then take yourself off somewhere for a much-needed weekend break away from this headfuckery!!!]

Well I’m going against the majority here and I’m finding it quite endearing. Maybe he’s just missing you and it’s his way of keeping in touch? I muse out loud the banalities in my head all the time and my husband answers me. He doesn’t find me an annoying twat, he loves me and vice versa. The day he does find me an annoying twat then obviously we are in trouble. But until that day I will carry on saying out loud any old crap in my head 😉

All these women with drippy, incompetent dopes for husbands, how on EARTH can you bring yourselves to shag them?

The level of unattractiveness this amount of idiocy brings, would make my fanny zip itself up forever.

He sounds unbelievably annoying!

And really I think he must be at least in part doing it deliberately to abdicate responsibility to you.

People saying “how does he cope at work?” - he seems to want to delegate actual work tasks to the OP!

I am divorced and now single but these days I feel like there’s little more attractive than an organised man with his shit together!

I have an extremely competent DH in his work life but food and cooking is a blank sheet of paper to him for some reason. So shopping for food by him has to be explained in detail and certain household management things. I have to have complicated savings and pensions he has arranged for my benefit explained in simple terms as my mind goes blank over money. I nipped family's requests for where their possessions were in the bud by saying with absolute confidence second shelf down on the left. They never were and it cured them all.

Or asking the instructions on how to cook something while holding the box with said instructions in his hand Grrr
Also where is such and such in fridge as he looks at all the shelves. It's looking right back at him. Even if it isn't dear forbid that he might actually move stuff to find it.

My DH is currently in the RN and I'm forever saying "Thank God you don't have a job where you're responsible for any important decisions! Eh darling?!"

He's a Commander FFS!

Same as you OP - pretty equal split of chores (when he's here!) But blimey...I think they forget how to be functioning human beings sometimes!

Same as yours by the sounds of it...absolutely lovely, brilliant partner etc...but also has you half (!) wishing for another deployment 🤣

Mine asks me how many rashers of bacon and how many sausages I would like - every single Sunday. I’ve never eaten pork.

My current answers are (lightheartedly)

"Is my name google?"

And

"If only you had access to a useful, handheld device that has almost all of human knowledge on it at your fingertips!"

Mine does the same. I've had to get shirty as i'm fed up of him using my brain because he cba.

🤣🤣🤣

Stop answering your phone.

This with bells on. It’s laziness on his part to not bother with trying to think for himself/problem solve. Unless like a pp alluded to this isn’t how he was when OP first met him - perhaps he needs to see a GP?

Then send him doing some weeding or whatever other boring as gp he’ll job that needs to be done.

Because I’d struggle to be lighthearted about those questions, I have to say. You’re not his in house entertainer.

I’m also with a rough handed builder, but he’s competent enough to do the laundry

“Lighthearted.”

I sympathise OP, when DD was about 3 I was on a rare night out and DH asked what time she had her bottle of milk. She hadn't had a bottle for about 2 years!!

I could write a book of all the daft questions DH asks.

Mine does laundry too😊

I no longer answer stupid questions from my husband. My mum thinks I’m being rude but I can’t cope with constant incompetence of not using his brain.

I answer with “have a guess” “ what do you think?” “ what do we normally do!” “What happened last time” “where would you think it would go?” You get the jist.

It is weaponised incompetence. These men can go to work and fully function in their role yet think it’s acceptable to turn their brains off for us. Like that’s attractive!!!!

sorry for the rant, as you can see, this is something that drives me absolutely crazy.

But it sounds like he can’t tell when he has to put it away again because it might still be wet 🤣