To give up my bedroom for my adult children?

[maliafawn]

Im pretty sure im not, but the reactions of “i could never” from friends and family has me questioning what other options people would see in this situation.

i have 3 children, all about to turn 22 19 and 17. The two eldest are boys, youngest a girl. My eldest was diagnosed autistic at a young age, was working until recently when his mental health took a nose dive. He doesnt have the financial skills or maturity to live independently. 19 year old is about to start uni, has a part time job, but the uni is 5 mins from out home, and i dont have the money to supplement him at uni, him staying at home gives him the best possible chance of success. Youngest is about to start alevels and obviously theres no question about her being here.

We have a 3 bed house. The idea when we moved here was for the boys to share - this didnt happen. So my middle son took to sleeping downstairs, and set up his computer etc there too. The living room is a huge living/dining room. So there was space to do so. This meant i had the biggest room, daughter the next, eldest the box room.

However, this means the living room is chaos. It doesnt funtion as he sleeps late due to his part time job and when hes in here gaming on voice chat its not functioning for everyone else. He needs his own space, its not his fault hes in a shared space currently, he needs more space for uni, but to also enjoy his free time and hobbies.

i have also started a WFH job recently.

My plan is to divide the living room into two spaces using a Japanese room divider screen. The side with the door to the room becomes a functional living room with the 2 sofas tv and bookcases etc. The other side i can fit my king bed and my desk chair and shelving i use for working, each side will have its own large window too. I can clear out the understairs to store my clothing and shoes and anything else thats mine. Then move my daughter to the big room as it has the best storage that she needs the most, middle son to the mid sized room, and eldest stays in the box room. This gives everyone space they need. And tbh the living room is mostly used by me these days anyway, when i can use it in peace. The room divider screens mean i can still use it when people are round. The room is more than big enough to fit everything in how i plan with still plenty of space to move around. We haven't had a dining area since we moved in so that isnt needed.

But the response i have gotten has been mixed, mostly people saying im mad. I’ve discussed it with some people as i dont drive and need to take some stuff to the tip, and i also asked a family member if they could take me to IKEA for some bits, its also just cropped up in conversation about how we are spending the summer break since bedrooms need redecorating and the whole house is being shifted about and organised. We havent actually started moving things yet, just organising our own belongings and getting rid of stuff ww no longer need.

Given the space we have, and the needs of the individuals in the household, and moving is absolutely not an option, how would you set up the household?

I think your plan is the best for all concerned!

It might not suit others but it's not their needs being met here!

Sounds fine. If you're going to IKEA think about dividing the room using kallax units - there's a big one and you could mix and match some others to help the divide. That way you get extra storage space. You sound like a considerate mum.

Sounds like the perfect solution. Is there the option to put up a stud wall to give you more privacy and a more permanent solution?

It sounds like the best solution for your family. Which is all that really matters

People are often adamant about what they could or would do in circumstances that they've never been in and actually have no idea how they'd react to.

Sounds smart and sensible to me I'd do the same

i agree!

ive asked people who have responded negatively and it been similar answers of “i dont know id figure something out though, my bedroom is my sanctuary/safe place, i value my privacy too much etc” but no one has a viable alternative solution so i wondered if i was missing something as this is the best solution i can find, and in hindsight what i should have done when we moved in! It makes the space work for everyones current needs. Ans eventually i can get a bedroom again, but for now i will still have a private space, as they wont need to go to that side of the room. And it will feel closed off enough from the living space. I forgot to mention each side has its own lights etc too, it really will feel like two spaces.

It sounds perfect to me.

Sounds quite hellish, but not sure you have much choice.

Will your 22yo be able to live independently eventually, or would he qualify for some form of supported living at some point

Sounds ok to me and it won't be forever.

I would hate it, but if it works for you, do iit.

Needs must, and it seems a pragmatic solution. If you could afford it, however, I’d suggest putting up a partition wall with a sliding door, rather than a screen. More useable wall space - for shelves or storage - is always handy, plus it will give you a little more noise-reduction and privacy.

Sounds like a very practical solution, OP.

It's no-one else business. Things have changed and young adults are having to live at home for longer so these kinds of adaptations to the family home will become more and more commonplace.

What exactly do people telling you that they 'wouldn't give up their bedroom' expect you to do? Kick your own children out, I suppose. Idiots.

Yep, makes sense. Ignore what others think and do it!

Agree that it sounds absolutely awful and I couldn’t live like that, but it’s the best solution.

My friend had to live in supported living for a while, but now he lives fully alone. His mum controls money for him (mental illness/autism would mean bills don't get paid) but she gives him his weekly shopping money etc makes sure all bills are sorted and he can still book holidays or whatever else she just manages it for him financially. Maybe in the future this is an option you could consider?

It sounds perfectly reasonable and sensible and it’s what I would do. You will still have your own space and probably more privacy as your children will likely use their bedrooms. Do it!

For those saying they couldn’t live like that, isn’t it just the same as having a downstairs bedroom? What’s the big deal?

Sounds sensible. Maybe you can keep some of you own things in your DD's room, as she is having the largest bedroom.

Well, firstly I wouldn’t want to sleep downstairs. Second, there’s no actual wall dividing it from the living room. And thirdly, I wouldn’t want to work in my bedroom.

If someone is using the living room with a loud TV or gaming set, would you still be able to work?

If so, then sounds like a good set up given the circumstances. You're a good mom who puts her children first.

@DdakjiOK, but you made it sound like a horrendous position to be in, not wanting to work in your bedroom or sleep downstairs aren’t really significant. Many people have to make small compromises because of the space they have available.

I’m probably less bothered by things like this though as for a long time DH, me and our two daughters lived in a one bedroom flat. DH and I slept in the living room, the girls had the bedroom. When we moved to a two bed it felt amazing!

I have done this. It works really well for us. I also bought a lift up storage bed. It won't be forever and the house is much more pleasant now my boys have their own space.

@FrankyGoesToBollywood it would be awful for me. Though cramming 4 adults (near enough) into a 3 bedroom house sounds awful anyway.

I've been thinking about this for house. It would mean we really lose a relaxing space but I think it could be ok.

We really need 4 bedroom but can't afford it.