To give up my bedroom for my adult children?

[maliafawn]

Im pretty sure im not, but the reactions of “i could never” from friends and family has me questioning what other options people would see in this situation.

i have 3 children, all about to turn 22 19 and 17. The two eldest are boys, youngest a girl. My eldest was diagnosed autistic at a young age, was working until recently when his mental health took a nose dive. He doesnt have the financial skills or maturity to live independently. 19 year old is about to start uni, has a part time job, but the uni is 5 mins from out home, and i dont have the money to supplement him at uni, him staying at home gives him the best possible chance of success. Youngest is about to start alevels and obviously theres no question about her being here.

We have a 3 bed house. The idea when we moved here was for the boys to share - this didnt happen. So my middle son took to sleeping downstairs, and set up his computer etc there too. The living room is a huge living/dining room. So there was space to do so. This meant i had the biggest room, daughter the next, eldest the box room.

However, this means the living room is chaos. It doesnt funtion as he sleeps late due to his part time job and when hes in here gaming on voice chat its not functioning for everyone else. He needs his own space, its not his fault hes in a shared space currently, he needs more space for uni, but to also enjoy his free time and hobbies.

i have also started a WFH job recently.

My plan is to divide the living room into two spaces using a Japanese room divider screen. The side with the door to the room becomes a functional living room with the 2 sofas tv and bookcases etc. The other side i can fit my king bed and my desk chair and shelving i use for working, each side will have its own large window too. I can clear out the understairs to store my clothing and shoes and anything else thats mine. Then move my daughter to the big room as it has the best storage that she needs the most, middle son to the mid sized room, and eldest stays in the box room. This gives everyone space they need. And tbh the living room is mostly used by me these days anyway, when i can use it in peace. The room divider screens mean i can still use it when people are round. The room is more than big enough to fit everything in how i plan with still plenty of space to move around. We haven't had a dining area since we moved in so that isnt needed.

But the response i have gotten has been mixed, mostly people saying im mad. I’ve discussed it with some people as i dont drive and need to take some stuff to the tip, and i also asked a family member if they could take me to IKEA for some bits, its also just cropped up in conversation about how we are spending the summer break since bedrooms need redecorating and the whole house is being shifted about and organised. We havent actually started moving things yet, just organising our own belongings and getting rid of stuff ww no longer need.

Given the space we have, and the needs of the individuals in the household, and moving is absolutely not an option, how would you set up the household?

Yeah I see what you mean but at least this way OP can wfh in peace and get her downstairs living space to herself more and clean & tidy how she likes it 🤷‍♀️

YABU - not to include a diagram.

but I think you’ve thought of a good plan that works for your family.
Try it and the worse case scenario is you change it back to how it was before.

Sounds like a great idea to me OP. What a lovely caring mum you are to be doing this. If you’ve got a big enough living room and ideas to separate a bit more I think it sounds perfect. Ignore what everyone else says x

Please don't feel you have to respond to dimwits who look down their noses. You are doing a sterling job of juggling life to get the best outcome at present.
You sound similar to my mum. My brother has difficulties (suspected autism but not diagnosed) and he stayed with my mum until she passed when we were 32 and 25 (me being the eldest).
I am proud to say he has coped with independent living far better thab any of us could have imagined. So there is hope your son could too.
These situations don't last forever but you sound like you're making the best of it.

You’d be better off building a stud wall. It’s an expense but will create the extra bedroom and not be so temporary

My parents slept in the living room for 3 years when I was growing up, two bed house and I was 9 brother was 15 so we really needed a bedroom each. My mum has since said that although not ideal it was fine and she didn’t regret it.
Don what’s best for your family and don’t listen to anyone else. You sound like a lovely thoughtful mum.

I think teens spend a lot of time in their rooms anyway.

The two that are studying need to be able to hole up behind closed doors, as does the one who games!

Sound like the best (only?) solution Op.

Sounds a really sensible idea and if it works really well you could maybe later on put up a more semi permanent solution

Tbh I'd just tell everyone that the living-room is now your bedroom and the communal space is the kitchen. Can you fit a table and chairs in the kitchen?

They can come in to watch TV and lounge on the sofa if invited but otherwise it's your space. In exchange, they each get a bedroom undisturbed by the rest of the household.

Do whatever works for you and fuck anyone who has an opinion on how bad it is.

How bad they think it is. It sounds fine to me.

Oh, sure, and in this case her oldest may well be living at home for a while.

But personally I’m going to be up for not letting DD feel too comfortable at home once she’s done with uni or whatever, so she can crack on with being somewhere else 🤣.

Using units would also give better sound proofing than a screen

Have to say when I first read the heading I thought ‘no way’ too but once you explained it all it sounds rather lovely! In time if it all works out you can put a permanent wall up but for now this would really work.

Sounds perfect

I think you have to do what you can manage. I would see if I could use storage in DD room for things you don’t use much. I would also look at going into the office as much as possible to get out of the house. Otherwise you will exist in quite a small space day & night.

Someone upthread asked if you could put in a stud wall between the “new bedroom” and the living room.
That would be a good solution and give everyone a better living space.
A wall bed sounds great. I have seen really nice ones at the Ideal Homes Show (Ireland).

Sounds like a good plan.

An idea that may work as a divider is a barn door. (You can get overlapping ones) It would be less permanent than an a stud wall and more sturdy than bookshelves or a divider.

https://www.ahousewebuilt.com/barn-doors/

It sounds fine to use your 2nd reception room as a bedroom so everyone has their own room but if you’ve got the money to divide it properly with a full wall/door etc you’ll probably find it nicer

As soon as I read half way through your post, my thought was that if you had a dining room then I would convert that into a fourth bedroom. A lounge diner split into two rooms is a great option. If you can afford or save up for a stud wall then that would be a great permanent solution. If not then big floor to ceiling storage units (one facing the lounge area, the other facing the bedroom area) would be an ideal room divider and give you extra storage.

As to what others think, what are their solutions? I bet they have no idea. This sounds like a very sensible and practical solution to give everyone their own space.

Not quite the same, but similar to you we have made changes to our house to accommodate the DC....we have our master bedroom downstairs ( used to be our large living room), done away with our dining room which is now the living room for everyone, DC1 has the master bedroom upstairs now, DC2 has a double bedroom, DC3 and DC4 still share a double bedroom. And fourth bedroom upstairs is used as an office (DH works from home at least once each week). Kitchen big enough to accommodate a large kitchen table for all meals for whole family.

So yes, change your house to suit your circumstances OP. Ignore others. There's nothing wrong with thinking outside the box!

I bet your house is full of love and it will feel really cosy and peaceful for you. You might have to set some boundaries on needing the living room back by X time in the evening so you can unwind, but I'm sure your kids should understand, seeing as it allows them to all have their own space and low living costs at the same time. :)

So if OP can't move because of economics, what's the alternative?

I’m not entirely sure why some posters are finding this so hard to understand.

Someone asked why some of us were saying we wouldn’t want to live like that. I answered. The end.

Jeez.

Just a small practicality-could you cope with a smaller bed? A standard double or a 4ft?