To give up my bedroom for my adult children?

[maliafawn]

Im pretty sure im not, but the reactions of “i could never” from friends and family has me questioning what other options people would see in this situation.

i have 3 children, all about to turn 22 19 and 17. The two eldest are boys, youngest a girl. My eldest was diagnosed autistic at a young age, was working until recently when his mental health took a nose dive. He doesnt have the financial skills or maturity to live independently. 19 year old is about to start uni, has a part time job, but the uni is 5 mins from out home, and i dont have the money to supplement him at uni, him staying at home gives him the best possible chance of success. Youngest is about to start alevels and obviously theres no question about her being here.

We have a 3 bed house. The idea when we moved here was for the boys to share - this didnt happen. So my middle son took to sleeping downstairs, and set up his computer etc there too. The living room is a huge living/dining room. So there was space to do so. This meant i had the biggest room, daughter the next, eldest the box room.

However, this means the living room is chaos. It doesnt funtion as he sleeps late due to his part time job and when hes in here gaming on voice chat its not functioning for everyone else. He needs his own space, its not his fault hes in a shared space currently, he needs more space for uni, but to also enjoy his free time and hobbies.

i have also started a WFH job recently.

My plan is to divide the living room into two spaces using a Japanese room divider screen. The side with the door to the room becomes a functional living room with the 2 sofas tv and bookcases etc. The other side i can fit my king bed and my desk chair and shelving i use for working, each side will have its own large window too. I can clear out the understairs to store my clothing and shoes and anything else thats mine. Then move my daughter to the big room as it has the best storage that she needs the most, middle son to the mid sized room, and eldest stays in the box room. This gives everyone space they need. And tbh the living room is mostly used by me these days anyway, when i can use it in peace. The room divider screens mean i can still use it when people are round. The room is more than big enough to fit everything in how i plan with still plenty of space to move around. We haven't had a dining area since we moved in so that isnt needed.

But the response i have gotten has been mixed, mostly people saying im mad. I’ve discussed it with some people as i dont drive and need to take some stuff to the tip, and i also asked a family member if they could take me to IKEA for some bits, its also just cropped up in conversation about how we are spending the summer break since bedrooms need redecorating and the whole house is being shifted about and organised. We havent actually started moving things yet, just organising our own belongings and getting rid of stuff ww no longer need.

Given the space we have, and the needs of the individuals in the household, and moving is absolutely not an option, how would you set up the household?

Your comment is not relevant to my comment.

Sofa beds are notoriously uncomfortable, not designed for regular sleeping. Her sleep will already be disrupted, even a large single regular bed would be better. There's also no point unless she is going to put it up and down every day, which means if she ever feels like a lie down she has to put it down and make it again, as well as put it down and put it up every single night and morning. I would not do this.

I expect she will look at suggestions and decide what she wants.

I expect she will, yes. Very sensible of the OP to say she will be moving her king bed in to her new bedroom/living room.

I agree. It wasn't aimed at you personally but at the thread in general. Not everything is about you 😀

As for the OP's experience of what she's going through I have went through it myself so am definitely qualified to give opinions on it. It's a really kind thing to do OP. It more than likely won't be forever. You need your own bed as you need to be comfy.

You literally quoted me, so yes it was about my comment 🤣

We're all qualified to give opinions on it, of course, since the only requirement is life experience.

And, of course many of us - including me - have lived in houses where there two bedrooms and 5 family members and so are abundantly qualified to comment, should such a qualification be required - which it's not.

Oh, and @maliafawn when I was a young girl, we had two bedrooms and 5 people, mum dad and my two brothers. My brothers shared one bedroom, I had the box room, my mum bought a fold down couch and slept in the living room with my dad. It was hellish, something my mother said a few times, which is why I used that word originally. Mum was desperate for a bedroom, and within about 4 years had managed to get out of there and into a 3 bedroom house, the boys still shared but mum and dad had their own bedroom again.

Having said that, your living room is at least big enough to be divided, which ours wasn't. And you are doing it for the same reasons my mum did, no real choice.

So again, you are a good mum trying to do the right thing for your kids. Good luck.

I think your plan does seem like the best possible solution for now.

One suggestion, rather than the Japanese room divider, could you put or a curtain rod with thick, lined drapes on it? I'm thinking this enough that it could muffle some noise between the two divided spaces? I feel like this is a cheap solution that could help to give a bit more privacy even if it is just for noise and light.

You have to do what’s best for you, and it sounds like you’re making it work! Other people will always have something to say, so just ignore them.

If it’s the best you can do then go for it; we slept in a separate room downstairs after moving and it never felt like my bedroom as the household was so busy.
I was keen to get back upstairs and told my eldest daughter early on that her room would be ours once she left home.

I just want to say what a thoughtful and caring parent you are for making this kind of adjustment for your kids. I didn’t have options like this growing up, so seeing you do this really stands out—it’s honestly wonderful.

I know some people might see it as a tough situation, but it sounds like you’ve made it work in a really sensible way. Why not make your new room feel like a little sanctuary? Add some cosy touches—fairy lights, a wax warmer with lovely scents, maybe even treat yourself to some new bedding if it fits the budget. A few simple comforts can really help shift the mood and make it feel like your own space.

Sometimes life hands us tricky moments, but you’re clearly turning it into something meaningful. I really believe your kids will one day look back and realise how much you did for them, even if they don’t fully see it right now. You’ve given them such a gift—time and space to focus on their futures—and that’s something they’ll carry with them.

Wishing you lots of love and brighter days ahead 🌸💐

I actually meant I have gone through it with my own DC right now same as OP so have personal experience of what she is going through. Moving house would be short sighted - another poster on the thread had mentioned that as a solution. I think you may have misunderstood my comment upthread...

I’d do it yes, most sensible answer

Fair enough, I can see as it's a fast paced thread I have definitely quoted you earlier so apologies for that👍🏻

I wouldn't give my bedroom up.
Can't the males share?

My living room sounds smaller than yours but this would work in my house too. We have a door at either end of the room and windows at either end, so potentially it could be completely divided off.

I have young adult children and they spend more time in their rooms than anywhere so I’m pretty much the only one using the living areas for most of the day.

I think your plan sounds like the best solution in the circumstances, Op. You don’t need to justify it to anyone.
I haven’t read all the responses but I did pick up on at least one poster who said it was too many adults for the size of the house.
When I was young there were four adults (DM, DF and two older Dsis) plus me in a three bed semi. I initially shared with middle DSis and then had the box room which had only space for a single bed and chest of drawers, while both sisters shared. There was no space for my clothes which I kept in DM and DF room, or my toys which were mainly kept downstairs. When both sisters moved out when I was 14, I moved into their room. Happy days.
Yes, it was a squash and not ideal but we managed. Clearly times and expectations have changed. My own house was similar and when my own dds were young teens I built over the garage so the youngest could move out of the box room, but I was fortunate to be in the position to be able to.
Needs must and I hope you enjoy being able to chill in your living room. You sound like a lovely mum.