To give up my bedroom for my adult children?

[maliafawn]

Im pretty sure im not, but the reactions of “i could never” from friends and family has me questioning what other options people would see in this situation.

i have 3 children, all about to turn 22 19 and 17. The two eldest are boys, youngest a girl. My eldest was diagnosed autistic at a young age, was working until recently when his mental health took a nose dive. He doesnt have the financial skills or maturity to live independently. 19 year old is about to start uni, has a part time job, but the uni is 5 mins from out home, and i dont have the money to supplement him at uni, him staying at home gives him the best possible chance of success. Youngest is about to start alevels and obviously theres no question about her being here.

We have a 3 bed house. The idea when we moved here was for the boys to share - this didnt happen. So my middle son took to sleeping downstairs, and set up his computer etc there too. The living room is a huge living/dining room. So there was space to do so. This meant i had the biggest room, daughter the next, eldest the box room.

However, this means the living room is chaos. It doesnt funtion as he sleeps late due to his part time job and when hes in here gaming on voice chat its not functioning for everyone else. He needs his own space, its not his fault hes in a shared space currently, he needs more space for uni, but to also enjoy his free time and hobbies.

i have also started a WFH job recently.

My plan is to divide the living room into two spaces using a Japanese room divider screen. The side with the door to the room becomes a functional living room with the 2 sofas tv and bookcases etc. The other side i can fit my king bed and my desk chair and shelving i use for working, each side will have its own large window too. I can clear out the understairs to store my clothing and shoes and anything else thats mine. Then move my daughter to the big room as it has the best storage that she needs the most, middle son to the mid sized room, and eldest stays in the box room. This gives everyone space they need. And tbh the living room is mostly used by me these days anyway, when i can use it in peace. The room divider screens mean i can still use it when people are round. The room is more than big enough to fit everything in how i plan with still plenty of space to move around. We haven't had a dining area since we moved in so that isnt needed.

But the response i have gotten has been mixed, mostly people saying im mad. I’ve discussed it with some people as i dont drive and need to take some stuff to the tip, and i also asked a family member if they could take me to IKEA for some bits, its also just cropped up in conversation about how we are spending the summer break since bedrooms need redecorating and the whole house is being shifted about and organised. We havent actually started moving things yet, just organising our own belongings and getting rid of stuff ww no longer need.

Given the space we have, and the needs of the individuals in the household, and moving is absolutely not an option, how would you set up the household?

OP you sound amazing.

I'd do it, if you are decorating anyway.

I used to have a tiny studio and I divided the room into a bed area and a living area. Rather than use a divider I used shelving. I used Ivar from Ikea because I couldn't afford anything else. I put some material as a sort of curtain, and as I only had one tv I put it on a lazy susan so I could watch TV from either side.

I would implement a curfew for the living room though, 10.30 or 11.00pm whatever time you go to bed.

Put a stud wall and sliding door in. So easy. I am sure your DC can help. My DC have been doing renovations with us since they were 12.

We prefer the metal stud and rail system. It is so easy.

I would have done this years ago if I were you. Seems like your DD is the favourite in your house too getting bumped to the biggest room after her brother has slept in the lounge for years. It’s always the middle child that has to compromise.

Lol. If any kid is the fav its my middle one.

My daughter has far more hobbies and sentimental things, teddies and things she wants to keep from childhood. She has 3 times the amount of clothes ans shoes as all her earned money (she does 3 paper rounds a day at the minute) goes on clothes and shoes. The size difference between the two rooms isnt much, but the bigger has built in storage that my son wont use. Hes not in to clothes or collections, he never has been. Hes a gamer, all his money goes on computer upgrades games and in game items, it has since he was about 12. When in the mid room half of it is going to be empty space cos he doesnt get attached to things. Theres no point in him having the room with all the storage. But thanks for the input.

Sounds like a great idea, you have the space so you are just utilising what you have - a lot of people would be better thinking like you rather than pushing themselves financially to buy the biggest house possible!
Personally I would go with the faff of a stud wall and a proper door but I do like my privacy very much and would use the wall space to hang things etc but if you are happy with the screen then go for it.

Sounds a perfect solution to me. I rather like sleeping ground floor. Used to live in a bungalow so am used to it.

I think it is an ideal solution.
I'd enjoy having entire floor to myself.
Put Mr downstairs in the box room.

Sounds like a brilliant idea to me! Certainly a lot better than the current arrangement, and it won't be forever.

It's your business not their's.
You have found a solution your household is happy with . As long as it suits you that's all that matters.

It may not work for others however you are utilising your space to support all those involved. Maybe set some house rules of when the living space can be accessed - eg from a time after you usually wake, outside your working hours, everyone out of it by the time you usually head to bed. You are sacrificing a separate bedroom space for yourself for the benefit of your children even though most are adults, to be able to offer them the best start in life. I’m sure in time they will all realise the steps you’ve taken to support them

Many people work from their bedrooms when they work from home, they have no choice.
I don't understand the issue

Fair enough. I apologise for being a biiitch. Sounds like your DC are hard working and able to compromise for the best of the family. I’m a middle child and the youngest was a different gender. I always felt like I was the one who had to compromise and never got to choose.

Definitely look into a stud wall and sliding door it will be your bedroom and sanctuary again. Good planning for when you get older too! A bonus. We have taken so long renovating a house we intend to move to abroad and we now have the opportunity to add an annexe for our old age 😂.

Never mind.

If it works for you go for it

Sound like a well considered solution OP. People saying they wouldn’t do it have probably never been in your situation.

You sound awesome op. You are doing the best you can and it’s nobody else’s business frankly. I couldn’t do it, but if you can all power to you.

If it works likely everyone will say you should have done it sooner.

It sounds reaonable and well thought though but hard to see drawn back till you live in it - and they may be less than now anyway.

Go for it. It sounds like a sensible plan.

I’d also as a pp suggested get some large kallax units from Ikea to separate the room.

if you pick and pay for the items in store and then take them to the delivery desk, it’s cheaper than paying for delivery on the website so don’t feel limited by what you can get in the car.

you can then use the storage in both your ‘bedroom’ and living room side too.

I seldom comment on posts, but cannot keep quiet here..... I think what you are planning / doing is admirable and to hell with what anyone else thinks. You sound like an absolutely brilliant mum, finding a solution that works for your family - you do you and bollocks to the naysayers.
Good luck with it all.

Go for it. Sounds like a good plan

My friend has just done this in her living room to give her 2 young adult kids a bigger bedroom each & box room is now her walk-in wardrobe/dressing room. She loves it. It sounds like a good idea OP and won't be forever.

What if you pump in your sleep? Won’t you stink the living room out? I suppose with a dividing wall it should be ok though. I’d hate it personally

Sounds fantastic, our living room/dining room is a huge space that just gets more and more junk added to it. My DP needs a space that is his fir doing his photography stuff. It has just given me an idea on how we could do that for him. Thank you x

Well - you’d hope so. I do think that when parents subjugate themselves and make their home a bit too nice and cosy for their adult offspring, those offspring are less likely to bugger off and set up home for themselves.

It's the best of two not very good options....which is the story of my life!! I'm about to move to a two bed bungalow with two autistic DSs (eldest currently lives with his dad but I know he will want to move in with me) and I am planning to put a day bed in the conservatory and use that as my bedroom. At one point I was using one room as a living room, bedroom and massage treatment room so sleeping in the conservatory is not a big deal. I wouldn't want a bed downstairs though...they have some really nice rattan day beds in John Lewis.

Don't listen to other people's opinions...you have to do what works for you. Some people are so unimaginative that they can't imagine using a room for anything but its intended use. A lot of people aren't constantly placed in these difficult situations so they can't understand.