To feel guilty about letting the repossession company take his car away?

[LegendaryExtra]

I got engaged to my ex after 7 months of dating (short I know).

He told me his Range Rover had a fault and he wanted to return it and get a new one. Since his credit was bad he asked if I could get it in my name while he makes the payments. He gave me time to think about it. I realised without him knowing that he had been in negotiations with a repossession company cos they wanted to take his car away due to some arrears. It seems he had some missed payments but had a payment plan but for some reason they still wanted to take the car away. I never confronted him about this.

a week or two later I found out he had been messsging women on a dating site. He had given two or 3 of them his number even 2 days after he proposed. (opened a thread here which got deleted about it at the time)

Anyway, out of annoyance I reserved a car for him online, an 80k RR. I showed him the reservation. He was over the moon.

The very next day he asked the repossession company to come get his car.

Then a day later I confronted him about the dating site activity. He promised me he was careless and it was just a dormant account and he would delete the app. I swore heaven and earth until I mentioned names of ppl he had been chatting with and quoted conversations.

we have still been in contact but he still says I was unreasonable for allowing them take his car if I knew I wasn't going to go ahead with the purchase of a new one. He is blaming me 100% for this. I do feel a bit guilty cos he's been borrowing his friends car an is so depressed. Am o being unreasonable for feeling guilty?

Yup 👍

I hope you are finished with him. He is a liar and a cheat and not to be trusted.
That is not how you treat someone you love.
You deserve better.
Ditch the guilt.

It's not revenge, it's protecting yourself from his financial mess. You'd be absolutely stupid to risk your finances.

Now run, and protect yourself, as well as your financial security.

You've done yourself and him a favour. You won't be left with 300K in debt (which you know he's going to default on) and he will be more careful, both about keeping up with his finances and treating his partners with respect.

I think so too. The level of disrespect was quite alarming.

The repossession would have happened anyway. He couldn't postpone it indefinitely. He couldn't pay for that car and of course he can't pay for any other car either. Because he's a fucking waste man.

He tried to make you be responsible for really expensive car payments while he was desperate to bone multiple random strange women. And then he chats shit about it to try and excuse himself.

Tell him to do one, and enjoy using the bus or his fucking legs.

Yes I do think it would have happened anyway... he had been mentioning "getting rid" of the car since February. Perhaps that's when the issues started. I totally ignored it all as I felt he was just looking to downsize since he doesn't really drive a lot.

The likelihood of him changing after this experience is minimal. He's shown his true colours and his utter lack of respect for OP.

As Maya Angelou said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."

He wasn’t stingy with your money though.

This guy sounds like an absolute narcissist. I used to drive a tiny car on the freeway and country roads. I felt safe because it had good brakes.

This guy wanted a status symbol and couldn’t afford it. He was never ever going to pay for the car.

The reason he was still messaging on the dating app was because he was going to shaft you and have you pay for the car. He knew he was going to leave you - which is why he was preparing his next victim. The thing is you thwarted his plans. He won’t be able to pretend to be successful for the next victim without a car.

FYI he wasn’t going to make the monthly payments. Every professional money lender knew it, so that’s why they wouldn’t give him credit. He told the last company he’d pay then and ended up with a repossession. I’d bet my mortgage he would have stopped paying you too.

I voted YABU based on the question because:

YABU to feel guilty - he got what he deserved.

YABU to still be speaking to him.

His story rang alarm bells from the start, he was “returning his car because of a fault”. If that was the case they’d be obliged to provide a repair or he’d have been owed a replacement or been due a refund meaning there would be zero requirement for you to purchase a new one on his behalf. Also he stated he needed you to do it because his credit rating was poor yet he clearly had a good enough credit rating to get his current car in the first place which doesn’t add up, why would his credit rating suddenly be so bad? He couldn’t afford his car payments yet presumably had the money to purchase an engagement ring!? Surely that money would have been better spent paying for his car!

I think you’ve had a lucky escape, he got what he deserved, get him blocked!

Yes I consider it a lucky escape as well.

He claimed his ex wife ran up his American Express card to the tune of 6k without his knowledge and he also stopped making mortgage payments when he moved out of their home and that's why his credit is bad. Presumably he bought last RR before all this happened. But that's just life I suppose.

I put it to him that that if I had asked him to make a massive financial commitment, a few weeks after he proposed to me, would t he see me as a gold digger... no response.

But you’re still communicating with him and not blocking him.

Just so you know, he was never going to make the monthly repayments. Never marry you, he was just using you and lining up the next girls to do the same!

Oh gosh it keeps getting better, yeah sure the ex wife did that with the card….

I know right... I was wondering how she could have racked up 6k in debt without his knowledge it does sound a bit off.

Also if he only feels safe driving range rovers how was he going to cope driving your car while you drove the new one that he was going to be paying for?

Honestly, you should just block the conman and be happy you saw him for what he was.

Are you certain he hasn't been in this position before. He's taking the piss and wants you to be the one who suffers. Well played. Instead of feeling guilty be proud of yourself for fobbing him off so creatively!

The only unreasonable things you're doing is keeping him in your life

Yes @LegendaryExtra what he said makes no sense!

Amazing. So he can literally fuck around until the day of the wedding? OP, get rid and thank your lucky stars you didn't marry the cheating CF!

He doesn't drive a lot but still wanted an £80k RR. Twat!

You are being unreasonable to feel guilty.

No need to feel that way. If he can't be honest at the start of a relationship, can he be trusted going forward?? Money causes a lot of relationship problems unless you can trust each other.

Given everything you've described, I wonder why you are still in contact with him? To the point where you're listening to him whining about you, and you've begun to feel some guilt.

Why would you give this prick access to you?

Dump him! And find someone nice. He's just using you.