To feel guilty about letting the repossession company take his car away?

[LegendaryExtra]

I got engaged to my ex after 7 months of dating (short I know).

He told me his Range Rover had a fault and he wanted to return it and get a new one. Since his credit was bad he asked if I could get it in my name while he makes the payments. He gave me time to think about it. I realised without him knowing that he had been in negotiations with a repossession company cos they wanted to take his car away due to some arrears. It seems he had some missed payments but had a payment plan but for some reason they still wanted to take the car away. I never confronted him about this.

a week or two later I found out he had been messsging women on a dating site. He had given two or 3 of them his number even 2 days after he proposed. (opened a thread here which got deleted about it at the time)

Anyway, out of annoyance I reserved a car for him online, an 80k RR. I showed him the reservation. He was over the moon.

The very next day he asked the repossession company to come get his car.

Then a day later I confronted him about the dating site activity. He promised me he was careless and it was just a dormant account and he would delete the app. I swore heaven and earth until I mentioned names of ppl he had been chatting with and quoted conversations.

we have still been in contact but he still says I was unreasonable for allowing them take his car if I knew I wasn't going to go ahead with the purchase of a new one. He is blaming me 100% for this. I do feel a bit guilty cos he's been borrowing his friends car an is so depressed. Am o being unreasonable for feeling guilty?

I’ve voted YABU as the question you posed is “AIBU for feeling guilty” and I think you are.

He took a loan on a car that he couldn’t afford and it was going to be repossessed anyway.

If he had come up with a payment plan to pay off the arrears and stuck to it then they would never have taken this to Court.

When they did take it to Court he had to right to defend the case and offer payments so that the arrears were paid off in time. He may have done this and it may have been refused but generally the reasons for the refusal are he’s either not paid for a long time or the arrears are significant and the offer he’s making wouldn’t be realistic.

Neither reasons matter though. What’s happened is that they have taken him to Court and been awarded possession of the car.

He’s then tried to get you to take on an absolutely staggering amount of debt in your name for a car solely for him.

He’s tried to cheat during this time and he’s not even been man enough to confess when you’ve confronted him.

Most contracts for car finance will stipulate that if you default the company is awarded the value of the car when you bought it.

So what’s likely to happen is you get they’ll now sell the car at auction them go back to Court for the rest of the money he’ll owe them.

So he lies, he cheats, he manipulates, he has or will have very soon CCJs and he’s been found out.

Block him on everything. Get your contraception absolutely foolproof and do not, under any circumstances, feel guilty.

@LegendaryExtra
Your username suits you.
You taught him a valuable life lesson "You play silly games, you win silly prizes"
Well played 👏

It only cost £300 to reserve such a car online and it's 100% refundable.

He wanted to have you take on a huge debt for him while at the same time sniffing around other women to stick his dick in and you feel guilty?

Bonkers.

He got what he deserved.

I really hope youre not going to take him back. If you do then you can never again complain when hes fucking or trying to fuck other women or getting you into debt. Surely you dont want a life with such a toad?

I wouldn’t take on 80k debt for my two decades acted like a husband before we were married husband (hence why we are married)

You are not married so you only have your own debt to be responsible for. He isn’t married so he has to deal with his debt and vehicle. These are the fucking basics of being an adult. Why would you want to marry someone who can’t keep up a hire car payments, he doesn’t even own it, hence why the nasty people could come and take it away from him, and full blown not adult style, it’s all your fault because you said you would get him a new car to play with, a nice expensive car he had no financial responsibility for like a true toddler.

If he had kept up the payments, like an adult, he would still have his car.

Do not be bullied into anything and never return to this relationship all you are working towards, all your plans and dreams for the future, men like him would take them all away without a second thought.

Lucky escape, would have been cleaner if you hadn’t signed the rental in the first place, but which idiot gets rid if their car on a promise. He should have waited until new car delivered. Again more arrogance he thought you would do anything to keep him, and it would be such an imbalanced relationship from that moment it would be no fun.

Plus he would only have married you if it was financially astute for him.

Yes. I’m starting to get irritated. It’s all very wide eyed and ‘I am astonished by the big bad world’. OP, you’re a grown woman. This is clearly nonsense.

I voted you're unreasonable but only because you feel guilty. For all you know Op he'd have stop paying and ruined your credit record as well as your own. He's a slippery one Op, you've done well to see that so early

Not only did he fuck around BUT he failed to make payments on the existing car so the chances are that he wasn’t going to make the payments on the one in your name and then ruin your credit or leave it to you to make the payments.

you did the right thing

This is really excellent.

well done OP 👏

He would literally have been picking up other women in the car you ended up paying for OP. Karma.

What a twat. You need to block him now. Well done for that, A+ revenge!

A reminder to anyone reading: NEVER take out credit in someone else's name, not even a spouse or long-term partner.

One of my friends took out a loan for a car on behalf of her boyfriend (who was a lovebombing creep and she didn't listen to me when I pointed out the red flags early on), as he had bad credit and hers was better so the payments would be lower.

He then dumped her less than a week later, and clearly knew he was going to do it at the time of taking the loan out. He was insistent he was going to keep paying her and he didn't need to cancel it and take out the debt in his name, but I knew it was bollocks. She kept pushing him and a few weeks later he got a loan in his own name instead. What an utter cunt, but at least he sorted it in the end.

Thank you! I always wondered why they wanted to repossess if he had agreed a payment plan. He was never open about this so I never got to the bottom of it.

So your last post on this matter got deleted and you got banned. What made you think it a good idea to reregister and post the same thing again and how do you see that ending?

People come to ask for advice, rant, moan and pour out their hearts so I see no reason why the post was deleted other than the fact that it sounded incredulous but itesl life is often stranger than fiction.

Dodged a bullet op. He sounds like a scam artist

you don’t just ‘let’ a repossession company take your car. If an enforcement agent has a writ to repossess, they will do so unless you settle the debt. You had nothing to do with ‘letting them take it’. That’s his problem, not yours.

you were right to not go ahead with the new car - you’d never see your money and he would have probably ran off with the car leaving you to make payments in your own name

I see. It's just that MN don't just ban after one questionable post unless they can see you're a PBP. Which of course you are now.

So he bought a car, didn’t keep up the payments, lied to you about it, wants you to buy him another car - because his financial situation is so poor - and then starts dicking about with other women. The car is repossessed as a natural consequence of him not paying for it - and your at fault? Raise your bar, a lot.

I cant believe you're still talking to this guy. All the advice on the last thread was to dump him but you obviously didn't want to listen. He's using you!

I think he got what he deserved and I think you’re mad to have any further contact with him.

Block him on everything. Get your contraception absolutely foolproof

Nah, I suggest she doesn't sleep with him after all the blocking.

Dump him. Steer clear and learn to protect yourself from arseholes men.

Block him completely.
He's a mess and will never make your life better.

<yet>. Seriously.

Why play games? All you needed to do was end it and walk away.

Absolutely!