To feel guilty about letting the repossession company take his car away?

[LegendaryExtra]

I got engaged to my ex after 7 months of dating (short I know).

He told me his Range Rover had a fault and he wanted to return it and get a new one. Since his credit was bad he asked if I could get it in my name while he makes the payments. He gave me time to think about it. I realised without him knowing that he had been in negotiations with a repossession company cos they wanted to take his car away due to some arrears. It seems he had some missed payments but had a payment plan but for some reason they still wanted to take the car away. I never confronted him about this.

a week or two later I found out he had been messsging women on a dating site. He had given two or 3 of them his number even 2 days after he proposed. (opened a thread here which got deleted about it at the time)

Anyway, out of annoyance I reserved a car for him online, an 80k RR. I showed him the reservation. He was over the moon.

The very next day he asked the repossession company to come get his car.

Then a day later I confronted him about the dating site activity. He promised me he was careless and it was just a dormant account and he would delete the app. I swore heaven and earth until I mentioned names of ppl he had been chatting with and quoted conversations.

we have still been in contact but he still says I was unreasonable for allowing them take his car if I knew I wasn't going to go ahead with the purchase of a new one. He is blaming me 100% for this. I do feel a bit guilty cos he's been borrowing his friends car an is so depressed. Am o being unreasonable for feeling guilty?

You need to break free of this relationship. As long as you’re still in contact with him, you still have one foot in and one foot out.

I understand that it’s hard to cut contact. But what you need to understand is why it’s hard for you because until you work this out, you’re going to be vulnerable to this sort of abuse.

A good starting point is usually to think about your dp’s relationship(s) and what was modelled for you in childhood. These are powerful imprints.

A normal response would be to run a mile from a man like this. He could have ruined your credit score, tipped you into poverty, destroyed your confidence cheating and given you a nasty venereal disease to boot. (I’d recommend an std check just in case btw). And broadly speaking women who were raised in a healthy, respectful and supportive relationship, with no childhood trauma and a secure, stable environment, wouldn’t give someone like this the time of day.

But when there are holes in our shark cages we have vulnerabilities in our boundaries and recognising these is so important in avoiding bad relationships.

You’re still in this man’s orbit, and it’s going to take strength on your part to actually pull yourself free. But you know you deserve better than this loser, don’t you?

He was trying to play you and he got played. Well done OP, don’t give it another thought. And £80k?! Please have a think about why you even considered putting yourself in this much debt for someone you have only known for such a short period of time.

He is my ex btw.

He was never ever going to make repayments on the new car. He uses people. He was trying to get with other women so he always has options. He still has the options - he just doesn’t have a car. But this loser shouldn’t be driving around in a car he couldn’t afford.

I hope you’ve taken your name off the order for the car??

F**k him....he was about to leave you in 80k of debt! Whilst hes already looking for his next supply of women to pay for his life xx

You are definitely planning to go back into the relationship - more fool you,

He has been in this position before!! He was quite comfortable asking you to be on the hook for a car he couldn’t afford!! He has done this before because his credit would be fine to get another car!!

You are right. My friend pointed out that the me of several years ago would have binned him long ago when he first started showing signs of bipolar behaviour, dishonesty, aggression and stinginess. She can't understand what changed. My previous relationship was nothing like this. He had some issues with his ex and that's mainly why I ended it but he treated me so well, was caring, considerate, faithful etc. so I have experienced what a healthy relationship is like not sure how I ended up in this. Well he is my ex now though.

I mentioned that I cancelled the order within the 48 hour window and I've received my refund 100%

Get rid of him ASAP - if he's messaging other women such a short time into your relationship, it's only a matter of time before he's s**ing one of them - save yourself the stress and heartache.
As for the car thing, don't do it, if you're down as the registered keeper, if he defaults on the payments, gets parking or speeding fines, the Courts and/or Police will come to you for settlement, which is also a load of aggravation.
Good Luck.

This is narcissistic behaviour blaming you for his possession that he chose not to make the payments on! this car would have eventually been taken off him anyway through his own doings not yours whatsoever so dont even think any of this is your fault. As for the cheating who does he think he is after proposing too, seems to me this guy knows hes fell on his feet financially and this is why he proposed hes done it to keep you sweet and get an 80k car which he wouldn't of paid a penny of driving around in picking up different women while you would of been sat at home paying for it. Run a million miles there's so many people in the world that wont treat you like this! please dont have anything to do with him your life will end a misery! block him and move on for your sanity and if you can afford it keep the car beep and wave at him sat at the bus stop! Horrible human why do people think they can treat people like this.

what you mean is he has told you he has never been in this position before. Why would you believe someone who has lied to you?

I wonder if the car was bought for him by a woman in a similar position who has decided to stop paying the credit agreement!?

I wouldn't have lied Yoo now need to block him OP.

I think I remember your last thread. Do I remember rightly that he is a Doctor? If so, I wouldn't want him anywhere near me. He sounds like an awful person.

Bloody hell, this is the best revenge I've heard. Played perfectly.

I think you might be right about this😳

His car has been repossessed due to his ability to not pay for it.
that is nothing to do with you.

A tiny bit childish, but totally understandable based on his behaviour.

Bizarrely you've probably done him a favour because it sounds like his car was going to get repossessed sooner or later and you've forced him to deal with this now, rather than continue to struggle with payments. That said, I applaud you for what you did. It sends a strong message and hopefully boosts your self-esteem.

I hope you've ended this relationship. Cut contact with him.

He was definitely trying to scam you and probably all the other women he was talking to too. You shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt and should be very glad you've had a lucky escape

This!! He could have driven off with the car and left you with the debt. He’s a scammer and a cheat.

And a man who says he needs a Range Rover to feel safe when driving is truly pathetic. My car is a ford fiesta, for crying out loud. I drive it all over the place. Squeezed between lorries on the M6 isn’t pleasant but a Range Rover wouldn’t be much better in that situation.

What worries me is that if it hadn’t been for the messages you discovered, you would have gone ahead and taken on credit for an 80k car for a man you had known a few months. WTF? You seem incredibly naïve/trusting. Surely you’re not that desperate for a man?!

I’m glad he got his car repossessed and you are not liable for his next one. If you continue to have any contact with this man you are a fool.

For me, a man who would borrow money to buy such an expensive car would be an immediate ick. I am not attracted to materialistic people- especially when they can’t even afford the status symbols they’re buying. But just in general- those types of cars scream insecurity to me.

Ah well he fucked around and found out. Good for you.

He did NOT treat you well. Focus on that friendship instead of that timewaster - she's a keeper.

I remember your last thread. Love yourself a bit more.

I'm getting deja vu here - didn't you post about this a few weeks ago?