To feel guilty about letting the repossession company take his car away?

[LegendaryExtra]

I got engaged to my ex after 7 months of dating (short I know).

He told me his Range Rover had a fault and he wanted to return it and get a new one. Since his credit was bad he asked if I could get it in my name while he makes the payments. He gave me time to think about it. I realised without him knowing that he had been in negotiations with a repossession company cos they wanted to take his car away due to some arrears. It seems he had some missed payments but had a payment plan but for some reason they still wanted to take the car away. I never confronted him about this.

a week or two later I found out he had been messsging women on a dating site. He had given two or 3 of them his number even 2 days after he proposed. (opened a thread here which got deleted about it at the time)

Anyway, out of annoyance I reserved a car for him online, an 80k RR. I showed him the reservation. He was over the moon.

The very next day he asked the repossession company to come get his car.

Then a day later I confronted him about the dating site activity. He promised me he was careless and it was just a dormant account and he would delete the app. I swore heaven and earth until I mentioned names of ppl he had been chatting with and quoted conversations.

we have still been in contact but he still says I was unreasonable for allowing them take his car if I knew I wasn't going to go ahead with the purchase of a new one. He is blaming me 100% for this. I do feel a bit guilty cos he's been borrowing his friends car an is so depressed. Am o being unreasonable for feeling guilty?

Yes it is easy,
Easier than putting yourself through more intense pain later down the line when you have completely allowed his awful behaviour to hurt you badly.

He has shown you, and you wish to close your eyes.
You will find less sympathy here than you might think.
Most of us try to help people - but we are also aware you can not help someone unwilling to help themselves.

It’s fine to feel a bit sorry for someone you had a relationship @LegendaryExtra but, it is all self-inflicted. “i feel safer in a RR” he needs to get over himself and learn to cut his cloth according to what he can afford. And, never sign up on someone else’s behalf - it’s your name on the line, he can leave you saddled with debt. None of this is on you, it is all on him. And he can do whatever he likes because you weren’t married? Showing you his true, horrible, controlling, cheating self. Thank God you are out of it, I wouldn’t trust him as far as I can throw him - are you sure he hasn’t got access to any of your info? Did you tell him everything about your financial situation? I appreciate you don’t feel ready to block, but honestly, that would be best.

I can see how this will pan out…

Yes it really is that easy. You just block him. Done. Even my teenager was able to that to avoid her abusive ex..
I can't understand why you feel sorry for him. He's treated you like shit. Unless you enjoy being treated that way and are happy for him to ruin your life and blame you for it then you need to avoid him.
You clearly aren't going to but just know he'll only treat you worse as time goes on (I'm speaking from experience).

He definitely knows my full address name and dob but nothing else really.

He’s only got himself to blame, he could have stopped the repossession in its tracks if he’d paid what was due. He’s hardly a ‘catch’, he wasted your time romantically and tried to take advtantage of you financially. He’s a grown up and should start taking responsibility for his life and actions. He wants a champagne lifestyle on a lemonade budget! He’ll just have to buy himself a second hand runaround to get to work, like most of us have had to do in our lifetimes. If he pays cash, then it’ll never be repossessed. I’m almost laughing at how stupid he is but angry that he thought he could try to fleece you, but you were too smart!😉. I actually hope for his sake that your revenge has taught him a lesson that will help him to mend his ways.

So you'd be responsible for his parking fines and speeding tickets, then?

Just block the prick. He'll find some other woman to scam soon enough.

You do realise he had no intention of being the one that paid for that car, right?

I mean, maybe, he'd have paid the first two or three payments, but you realise there would have been an endless stream of "my work paid me late", "something happened with my bank account" and "I had to lend my mums sisters neighbours daughters car money because she had no food and I'm a nice guy..." type excuses and you'd have ended up paying

That's what kept going through my mind. All the what if's... he said he would never default since he actually needs a car for work etc but he wasn't up front about the repossession. The balls to make such a request in the first place was a shocker to me.

Why does he even need such an expensive vehicle anyway? And engaged after just 7 months 🤔🤔🤔…….sorry OP but I think he saw you as a ‘cash point’ . My advice……….dump him and let him sort his own debts out.

Except he was planning to use your car?

He did borrow money 1k, 3k, 2k, but always payed back.

Worth every penny if it could persuade you to give him eighty grand. It's a scammers' investment.

OP this is EPIC. Well done.

I think you’re a genius!

Oh well, he'll just have to buy another car he Can afford. Karma.

But yes, you ABU...for feeling guilty.

this

What a great saying that is!!!

Leave him I've been through it. It will drag you down. Wished I seen the red flags at the beginning

So he played a stupid game (proposing to you while being on dating sites) and paid the price.

If you continue with him, YOU will be the one playing the stupid game and will pay the price.

Find yourself some sort of a distraction to stop you from weakening and going back to him.

My only question is why is this cheeky lying git still your fiance and not your ex? Can you not see the red flags? Take it from a former fellow mug. They don't change. Run for the hills. And good luck with the rest of your life xx

He's got what he deserves, a bad credit record doesn't happen for no reason and he enjoys having the support of a kind woman to let him continue living beyond his means

You don't need this user in your life and deserve so much better. Block and move on

Good luck!

OP, I don’t actually think you will ever accept that he is screwing you over, taking you for a mug, considers you to be a cash cow, ……….I could go on. You seem focussed on wanting someone to say yes, he’s ok, he’s good for the 80k car……….WAKE UP!!!!

He sounds like the tinder swindler. Probably borrowing money off the next woman to pay you back what he's borrowed from you.

I think I voted wrong, I chose YANBU but don’t feel guilty, you 100% did the right thing!!