My DB found a copy of my will and now all hell has broken loose

[senseoftiles]

Not sure where to post this but I need some outside perspective. NC for obvious reasons.

I don’t have children. I’m in my late 30s, single (in a relationship but not married), and I own my home outright, have decent savings/investments, and live a fairly quiet life with my two dogs who are essentially my family.

I recently wrote a will (not dying, just being sensible) and left a copy in my parent's safe. Well, my DB was apparently looking for something in the safe this week and came across it. And now all hell has broken loose.

My will sets up a trust so that whoever takes care of my dogs after I die gets £30k per year, to cover their care and essentially pay a "salary" in recognition. Once the dogs pass, that person inherits the remainder of my estate . I’ve listed my preferred carers in order: my current partner, my best friend, and three ex-boyfriends (all still in my life and responsible people). If none of them are willing/able, I’ve said the dogs should go to a breed-specific rescue that I support, with the same financial provision to the carer, on the condition that it isnt a staff member of the rescue

My DB has now lost it. He is FURIOUS. Apparently it’s “insulting” that I haven’t made any provision for his children (my nieces/nephews), even though he’s financially very well off. They live in a huge home worth a few million, his wife doesn’t work, and the kids are in private school. He says it’s “disgusting” that I’m prioritising dogs over “actual blood relatives” and that he’s not even being offered the chance to take the dogs and get the money.

For context: he hates my dogs, well all dogs really. Has said multiple times they’re dirty, and shouldn't be around his children etc. He refuses to have them in his house and has made it very clear he’d never want them. So I thought I was doing the kindest thing all around, choosing people who genuinely love animals and would care for them properly.

He’s now gone to my parents to complain and they’re caught in the middle. Mum thinks I should “keep the peace” and maybe consider leaving something to his kids to avoid drama. Dad’s staying out of it. My partner knows he has first refusal on the dogs, but nothing about the financial provision.

So… AIBU for leaving my money the way I have? Or should I rethink for the sake of keeping family harmony?

P.S. I’m not rich rich. It’s a decent estate but I’m not talking lottery money here. Just enough to live on comfortably and give the dogs a good life if I go before them.

Quite simply - its your money, so fuck him. He doesnt get dibs either for himself or his kids. It's none of his business. Frankly, its awful a massive invasion of privacy that he read it!

Your brother sounds like a total bellend - and your mother’s response to the situation suggests to me that his attitude may be fed by her / your parents pandering to him?

Your estate is yours to do as you wish with.
But what happens if you outlive your dogs?

Honestly. Let him rant on mute!

How dare he read your will.

He can jog on. Your money. Your decision.

I think there are two sides here that are both valid, one that it’s your money and it’s none of his business, and then the other that it’s unusual to prioritise your dogs so strongly over your family. I take it you and your brother don’t get on though, so presumably he shouldn’t be surprised?

I simply wouldn't discuss it with him. You don't answer to him.

The man’s an idiot. And nosy.

He'd never see a penny from me just for this behaviour

Can't believe he read your will. Such an invasion of privacy, disgusting behaviour. You should be furious with him, not him with you.
Yanbu- do as you see fit with your money.

Well it’s your money and for the most part it’s fair enough to prioritise their care.
BUT I do think it’s a little odd to not leave anything to your actual human family. Not even a token amount each?

He should not have read your will, no matter how/where he found it.

After that huge invasion of your privacy, I'd not be engaging with him about this topic at all.

And I'd let him know that his actions have meant you will certainly not consider changing your will.

He sounds absolutely odious, op. Please don’t defer to the twat’s demands and please do prioritise your lovely dogs ❤️

Tell him to go fuck himself. None of his business what you do with your money

What happens if the dogs pass before you or at the same time? Morbid question I know, sorry.

Your brother is nosy and grabby. Completely ignore him op. Leave your will as it is, it's your choice!
I bet your brother hasn't left you anything in his will but expects his kids to benefit from yours as well as his.

Also get your own safe and no longer use your parent's safe.

He’s an entitled shite! Do what you want with your money.

If I outlive the dogs, or if my vet who is appointed as trustee isn't happy with the end of life decisions for the dogs, then the residual part of the estate goes to Alder Hay Childrens hospital.

YANBU, I am in a similar position and made a similar provision in my will for my two dogs with a list of who should care for them if anything should happen to me. It's your money, do what you want with it. If your DB's kids are well taken care of, why does he even give a shit?!

He sounds financially abusive.

He has no say in where your money goes. Him going to your parents and your mother trying to get you to change your mind and leave a rich dude your money when he would not be nice to your dogs, fuck them.

There is no family harmony if you have to pay off your bro to get it.

It's your money. Your DB has no say. He's sneaky and greedy and not looking good here.

But you are potentially leaving a lot of money to someone who looks after your dogs for six months - if I've read this rightly. I can see that in the best case scenario, it's your current partner (with whom I hope you have a long and happy life) but if it's the rescuer - you're leaving potentially £100,000s to a total stranger. Personally, I'd make the rescue the beneficiary of the remainder in your long stop provision.

Mate, I’ll look after your dogs 😅

and yes, I’d think it’s a bit odd not to leave something to nieces and nephews but also, your choice

It’s your money. I don’t know why he feels entitled to have an opinion. If he wants to make provision for his children thats his responsibility.

Change your will. Don't give your parents a copy, as he is at least your mother's favourite and she clearly gives him the OK to go rummaging around for anything interesting (bet she said 'oh, your sister's given me a copy of her will' as well).

£1 to him, £1 to each of the kids and put in it that under no circumstances is he, his wife or any of his children to be allowed within 2 miles of your dogs. You know the first thing he would do is have them PTS.

Might be worth putting a condition that the dogs have to reach the end of their lives naturally/only PTS where their vet provides confirmation that due to an illness that it is in their best interests and not due to any human intervention.

Not a dog person myself but I think you're perfectly within your rights to do what you've done.

However, that said, I think that making no reference to your family in your will could be hurtful. And receiving something, even small, can be meaningful. So I would consider leaving something for your nieces - not a huge amount but perhaps enough to pay for a trip or an experience that they could remember you by?

Your money your life but fuck me I cannot imagine leaving my assets in favour of an ex boyfriend willing to look after a dog, over my sibling/family.