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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend didn’t show up

259 replies

icelolly46 · 22/07/2025 04:49

I invited two friends and their partners over for a late lunch last Saturday. Friend 2 is notoriously flaky but said she and her partner would be there. That morning, I sent a text to confirm she was still coming and to let me know asap if not as I would cook less food or invite another friend in her place (we have a small flat so only space for six people comfortably). She said yes definitely. It got to lunchtime, Friend 1 and her partner arrived and Friend 2 didn’t show. No explanation, no apology, nothing. Two days later I still haven’t heard from her. She does have form for this - she will often cancel last minute. But to not even let me know, especially after my text that morning, feels particularly hurtful. AIBU to think I should reluctantly give up on this friendship?

OP posts:
Themorningof · 22/07/2025 04:52

“Reluctantly”?

Sounds like she’s not remotely bothered about being friends with you anyway.

Themorningof · 22/07/2025 04:53

Have you tried to contact her?

This would be SO out of character for my close friends, that I would be bedside myself with worry about what had happened

JustAMum35 · 22/07/2025 04:56

have you not tried to contact her to make sure she’s ok?

watchingplanesicantafford · 22/07/2025 04:56

Themorningof · 22/07/2025 04:53

Have you tried to contact her?

This would be SO out of character for my close friends, that I would be bedside myself with worry about what had happened

It's not out of character for the OPs friend though.

Original poster
icelolly46 · 22/07/2025 04:57

No I haven’t, but she’s been posting her usual stuff on social media since Saturday so I don’t think anything dreadful has happened.

OP posts:
Isitreallysohard · 22/07/2025 04:58

Why don't you confront her about this? That's beyond rude, but also on you if she has form for it and you let her get away with it. Spoiler alert, she's no friend.

LynetteScavo · 22/07/2025 04:59

Ask her if she’s Ok. If she is, then there is no point in pursuing a friendship with someone who clearly doesn’t respect you.

Themorningof · 22/07/2025 05:01

I can’t fathom then why you’d “reluctantly” withdraw from the friendship

a) she is jaw droppingly rude
b) she patently doesn’t see you as a friend worth keeping or one she values

Empress13 · 22/07/2025 05:01

She wouldn’t be hearing from me again if I knew she was OK. How unbelievably rude! Just a thought tho but could it be her partner who didn’t want to come? Is he controlling? Nonetheless no excuse for not letting you know

Original poster
icelolly46 · 22/07/2025 05:03

I say reluctantly because she’s good company to be around, if you ever actually manage to see her!

OP posts:
Themorningof · 22/07/2025 05:05

icelolly46 · 22/07/2025 05:03

I say reluctantly because she’s good company to be around, if you ever actually manage to see her!

She is breath taking rude
She doesn’t give a flying fig about you

have some self respect op

Isitreallysohard · 22/07/2025 05:05

icelolly46 · 22/07/2025 05:03

I say reluctantly because she’s good company to be around, if you ever actually manage to see her!

OK that makes a little more sense. Just do no effort catch ups then, with other people in pubs etc where it makes no difference if she shows. I'd still confront her about it though, especially when you've cooked food and told her about it. I don't actually know if I could remain being friends with someone so self centred tbh

simsbustinoutmimi · 22/07/2025 05:06

I would honestly be worried that her partner was abusive and wanted to stop her going.

Original poster
icelolly46 · 22/07/2025 05:09

The other thing is that for ages now, it’s always been me who tries to arrange the meet-ups. Total one way traffic in that regard.

OP posts:
Shenmen · 22/07/2025 05:09

I would never contact her again or invite her to anything again. If I saw her out and about at parties etc I would then say hello.
Specularly self absorbed.
If I did keep making an effort I would question why the need to keep friends with someone who viewed me with such little regard and didn't care about me at all.

thelakeisle · 22/07/2025 05:10

The only unreasonable thing is to be reluctant to ditch a flaky friend who doesn't give a bugger about letting you down.

Marmalady75 · 22/07/2025 05:11

Let it drift. See how long it takes for her to make contact.
I decided to do that with a few of my friends last year when I realised I was the one making all the effort and doing all the running. My life is happier without them.

daisychain01 · 22/07/2025 05:14

icelolly46 · 22/07/2025 05:03

I say reluctantly because she’s good company to be around, if you ever actually manage to see her!

Oh God, one of those. Good company? I'd be judging her sorry arse as to how many other people she lies to and lets down and yet swans around being "good company" like nothing has happened and butter wouldn't melt in her mouth.

Im normally a let it go type of person but on this one, I'd definitely contact her and tell her she's a disgrace.

If possible, resend her the very message she sent you saying she'd definitely be joining you.

Themorningof · 22/07/2025 05:15

icelolly46 · 22/07/2025 05:09

The other thing is that for ages now, it’s always been me who tries to arrange the meet-ups. Total one way traffic in that regard.

Op
is she one of only two friends you have or something?

because I’m confused why you’d are persisting with this.

this person doesn’t want to be your friend, and given her behaviour - you really shouldn’t want to be hers

Francestein · 22/07/2025 05:32

Bin her… then she is the one who feels rejected when she eventually works it out

Cucy · 22/07/2025 05:34

I would give her a piece of my mind.

Its one thing to not turn up but the least she could have done is texted and apologised to say she can’t make it.

No way would I be friends with someone with such little respect for me.

I would rather have no friends, than ones who treat me like this.

Call her out for it and focus on the friends who deserve your friendship.

Richiewoo · 22/07/2025 05:36

Id be letting know how rude she is.

Butchyrestingface · 22/07/2025 05:40

Unfortunately, she appears to hold you in utter contempt. I would cut this one loose.

Soulfulunfurling · 22/07/2025 05:57

Op she isn’t a friend at all is she. She might be ‘fun’ but she has zero respect for others, and sees you as a free option if she can be bothered.

I would tell how utterly rude she is to resurrect my pride and dignity and block her indefinitely.

C10000 · 22/07/2025 06:08

You say she has form for this
Is it since she's been with her partner?
It could be him scuppering things everytime and not her
If thats the case try get her on her own for a coffee and a chat ask her if everything is ok
If it's not the case then find another friend and drop her