Friend didn’t show up

[icelolly46]

I invited two friends and their partners over for a late lunch last Saturday. Friend 2 is notoriously flaky but said she and her partner would be there. That morning, I sent a text to confirm she was still coming and to let me know asap if not as I would cook less food or invite another friend in her place (we have a small flat so only space for six people comfortably). She said yes definitely. It got to lunchtime, Friend 1 and her partner arrived and Friend 2 didn’t show. No explanation, no apology, nothing. Two days later I still haven’t heard from her. She does have form for this - she will often cancel last minute. But to not even let me know, especially after my text that morning, feels particularly hurtful. AIBU to think I should reluctantly give up on this friendship?

Sounds like she just couldn’t be bothered at the last minute, or got a better offer. You, your company, your food, your hospitality, your trouble weren’t worth it to her. Maybe she just couldn’t be bothered to be the good fun girl.
She dismissed you out of mind. Not only should you feel really hurt at her disrespect and disdain for you but you should also recognise her spectacular lack of any manners whatsoever. Who wants to associate with that. That’s not good fun is it.
Don’t set yourself up for that fail ever again OP. Her behaviour reflected badly on you if the other couple knew she was expected.
No drama …just don’t contact her again. Move on, have no interest in her good fun company. Provide your own.

Based on this revelation it is clear that she isn’t bothered about you. She evidently had a better offer on Saturday and didn’t have the manners to be honest enough with you by turning down your invitation……she simply didn’t bother to show up. She is no friend, move on, don’t pursue, you’re worth far better.

I don’t think she hold you in the same regard.

Where's you self esteem OP? This woman doesn't give a shit about you. Cut her off.

I would have to comment something to her.

Take a deep breath and find your self esteem. Then have nothing more to do with this person, ever. She wastes your time and your efforts. And she clearly doesn't give a flying fuck.

She is not a friend is she? Sounds like you life is not being enriched for having your friend in it. She is rude and unkind. Just ignore her and she will slowly get the message, but I don’t think she will be bothered.

Your rude friend is no friend! She’s not even apologised for not showing up, for costing you more money than needed for food/cooking, she’s a pain in the arse and entitled little cow.

I had a similar-ish situation. Can I just say, OP, that it can be pretty embarrassing to accept to yourself that you think you’re better friends than the other person does. I had someone I thought I was genuinely close to but I wasn’t, I was just convenient sometimes. When I pulled away (a good 6-7 years ago) it became very clear that she didn’t care that much and tried absolutely nothing to keep in touch/make plans. I didn't ghost her, I’ll like a SM post sometimes and if she text me I’d reply but it’s good knowing where I stand and moving on with real friends.

Yes I would end the friendship, she might be good company but she doesn’t care about your feelings or wasting your time/money.

I wouldn’t bother contacting her again. She doesn’t arrange meet ups with you, is flaky and now doesn’t show up or give a reason to why. If she really wanted to be your friend she would have been in touch already to explain what happened.

Don’t reach out to her, just leave it be.

Is she one of these scatter brained types who lives her life through the eyes of everything is a catastrophe?

Mmm I wouldn’t “reluctantly” withdraw from this friendship I’d run away as fast as my legs could carry me… so rude and not worth any more invites.

Speaking as someone who probably comes across as “flaky” (ADHD and social anxiety) - ditch her, that is spectacularly rude.

I think you have to match the energy of these people or the resentment just builds and builds and will harm you. Or ditch them completely.

This happened to me with an old school friend.

Just give up. She doesn't care enough about you.

I feel so much better for not being a doormat.

I do miss our nights out but I don't miss feeling shit when she has left me in the dark and not turned up.

It's not acceptable and I wouldn't invite her anywhere again, or make any plans with her.
I had a flaky friend, and it's just so annoying. She'd usually let me know but at the last minute, and it completely ruined my chance to make proper plans for the day.

I’d have replied to her message saying she’d definitely be there with basically “umm wtf - you didn’t show up” (I’m paraphrasing but that would be the gist).

I'd put a post on social media, to be honest. Something passive aggressive. She was really rude just no-showing. So a little rudeness in return, in the medium (social media) she seems to favour seems appropriate.

'Sorry you were unable to make our prearranged lunch. Hope you're OK? We waited for you for an hour.'

I used to be judgemental of passive social media posts but given how badly some people feel able to treat people that they consider friends it's more understandable.

People might call me flaky as I often have to cancel late on, due to my health, but I’d never be so rude as to not even let you know! I think that’s unforgivable, especially if she’s done similar before. Friends don’t treat people like that.

Normal behaviour in Italy.....😀

It's fake though! Please don't be a pushover. To not even let you know she wasn't coming is beyond rude.

If it has always been one-way traffic, it doesn't sound like she is that interested in the friendship.

What did friend 1 and partner say about the no show?