Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

[tarryawhile2025]

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

It isn't forever. I'd go.
He'll survive without you, maybe take a weekend break together beforehand.

I think I would be miserable if I had months of unemployment and then my family leave me for a couple of months. I'd say stay and do the lovely weekends away, those are core family memories to be made

Yanbu I don't really know what else to say but there won't be any more summers like that if your kids are older and why should you be stuck here when you can be away. Don't see why DH should begrudge you all that

You've had these long breaks for 15 years. I see his point. He's finally back working, he wants to have small holidays with his family, but you want to leave for 2 months. Could you compromise with a couple weeks away and then go on short breaks with him? If not, I would stay home and do short breaks.

If I had just got a new job and partner and teenagers were off on their jollies I would relish getting stuck in and enjoy the down time when I got back after my shift. And I would want my family to enjoy what they are doing not moping about waiting for me to finish work.

Does it have to be that long, how far are the family? Could you not do both? Will you not need dc to be around for Results day in a few weeks?

I don't know - can he not at least fly out and join you halfway through for a week or long weekend?

I think I'd feel a bit shit if DH pissed off abroad for two months, tbh.

We're away for results day. No much you can't do at home that you can't do abroad as long as you have internet/phone line.

It’s too long! Poor guy, I can see his point. Is there no chance of cutting it short? Do you not work? I don’t know if anyone who can take off for 8 weeks!

I'd usually say its fine, but that's quite a long time and it sounds like your DH has had a rough few months. What is the price difference in the tickets?

I don’t know where you are heading but ime 8 weeks is too long and might be really tricky for both hosts and visitors .
Where are going to live? 8 weeks guests are really trying especially if you are going to live with elderly parents who are not used to teenagers habits.
Then there are issues of packing a lot of clothes, going into new routine completely, missing out on any events and friends gatherings. Have they done just A levels ? If so, don’t they need to sort out plans for the next year?
And then I would miss my DH for 8 weeks and he would feel lonely a bit so not fair.
So no, I wouldn’t. I would look hard for a shorter visit.

It’s a good opportunity for him to focus on his new job and really get comfortable with it. I’m guessing that this is a long haul trip (10+ hours) to see your family so I’d make the most of it while your children are still available.

Eight weeks is a long time if you’ve typically gone for 2-4 weeks though. No chance of shortening it slightly so you can also have some weekends with him? Or is it genuinely unaffordable to do that?

Do you work or is he the sole income provider? I ask only because you’re clearly in a position to take eight weeks off.

True, unless you need in person interviews and campus tours. Also allowing for time differences for Clearing lines calls etc

Absolutely you should go if the children would love it.

'Most affordable tickets'.

Sounds to me you need to sit down and balance cost benefits. You, the children, and you husband are all emotionally invested here and there are monetary considerations.

What are the £ and emotional costs and benefits of, say, 2 weeks, 3, 4, etc. ?

I can't put myself in any of your shoes but I think if I was starting a new job and was coming home to an empty house for 2 months I'd be sad.

Hes just starting a new job, he might feel a bit anxious at first, the first few months in a new job cam be a bit stressful. There will be no one at home to support him. He will be coming home to an empty house for two months, I know how that would make me feel. I think you are being unreasonable.

Of course you're being ridiculous

Sorry if this was the other way round and it was the DH taking the kids away for 2 months after wife has lost her job and finally found one then the comments would be different. I think it’s too long and I’m on your DH’s side. I couldn’t do this to my DH personally

I think it would be very selfish to separate yourselves for 8 weeks in order to be spoiled by overseas family, regardless of the fact your DH is finally back at work. 8 weeks is too long.

Obviously it's possible to go for a shorter period of time, you're just wanting to pay for the cheapest tickets. Spend the money to go for 4 weeks, it'll be worth it to not hurt your DH in this way.

YABU, I see your view but I think you need to compromise here. 2-4 weeks away is still loads, then do stuff with DH while you’re around.

Surely if can’t be cheaper to go for 8 weeks instead of 3 even if the flights are cheaper once’s you factor the additional 5 weeks of holiday spending?

It can't be that much more affordable. It just can't.

And no, you can't just 'take off'. Reach a compromise.

How much more expensive is a shorter trip that brings you closer to the traditional 4 week trip you’ve taken? It might be worth taking the hit to allow your DH some sort of summer with you all?

Would you be happy for your DH to go if the tables were turned? I don't think I would be tbh.