Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

[tarryawhile2025]

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

My kids are younger so it’s not quite the same, but my DH would definitely not want to be apart from them for 8 weeks. And I wouldn’t like it either. I think you need to compromise with a shorter trip.

I don't understand why a grown man can't be on his own for 8 weeks. Presumably he'll be at work during the day. In the evenings he can go out with friends, watch whatever he wants on telly, etc.

If the children were younger, where 8 weeks would make a difference in their development, then I'd say it's too long. But they're A-level age. Let them go and enjoy their summer for possibly the last time together.

And, yes, I'd be happy for my DH to take the teens away for that long (in fact, I couldn't pack their bags fast enough!).

I had several trips away on my own, leaving DH and the late teens kids behind. But each trip was three weeks, max.

8 weeks is taking the piss, frankly. In his position I'd be gutted not to see my kids for that long, just at the point where I didn't have the flexibility to join you.

It comes over as being quite mean really. It's one thing that the kids go but that you go for 2 months?

I'm assuming there's some huge backstory as how you deserve it so it can be justified.

So basically he gets no summer fun with his family. No days out, no weekends/weeks away. I'd be pretty gutted.

I agree. I also wouldn’t want to spend eight weeks away from my husband, I’d want to spend holidays with him and our kids.

Quite. I travel a lot. 3 weeks is essentially the max away and even that's difficult. And that's with a teenager, not babies.

I think this is a situation where you would need two yesses to make that okay, and on that basis I think YABU

can you not leave the teenagers there do at least one of you is with him. Go for three and leave the young adults behind.

It may well be a different circumstance, but it’s also entirely irrelevant to the OP.

ok, well, I still wouldn’t do it 😂

It was unfair visiting every year for 15 years.
Every second year is plenty.
Especially using up precious annual leave.
Can you compromise on your time, staying for 4/5 weeks.

Get less affordable tickets then. I think 2 months alone while settling into a new job sounds bleak. Alternatively, if DC have just done A levels could they travel, at least one way, without you and have the longer break? You go for a couple of weeks.

@tarryawhile2025, I think this is unkind. Why don’t you value or respect your DH’s thoughts and feelings? I wouldn’t do this to my partner - him and my children are the most important people in the world to me. There is clearly a reasonable middle ground here, and lots of different options you could consider. I find it strange that you aren’t willing to work through this with him and instead are just going with what you want and the most “affordable” flight options (p.s. the most affordable flight option is no flight).

I mean - ive done about 6 with two little ones as my family live in a different continent - my h was ok with it tho, and yours isnt, i think perhaps you need some sort of compromise,

I love nights out and weekends away without my DH, and he does the same, but I wouldn't want to be away from him for two months!!

Also I'm surprised your 18 year olds haven't got stuff going on over the summer that they'd be sad to miss.

Well this is quite a stretch! Unfair? Who are you to say how much is "plenty" when visiting family?

I live on a different continent to my parents and siblings and friends and where I grew up (for work reasons). I go home at least once a year, sometimes twice. It's never enough. To whom would I be being unfair, and why on earth do you think that every other year would be "plenty" for me to visit the UK and everyone I love there?!

Bloody hell!

Thanks for all the comments. DH has had no qualms setting off overseas by himself when needed - albeit for work. I see it more as him being a bit of a dog in the manger. Not worth traveling that far if it was for anything less than 3 weeks. The twins off to distant universities in October, for courses that are 6 years long. I see this as a short window of opportunity- a breather for me after what has been very hard work over the past 6 years in my own workplace. And honestly, I don't see the twins too eager about having local weekend breaks over summer with parents. They are 18 not 8.

It’s also not irrelevant, she’s clearly just one of those posters who think any woman can do no wrong and the man always is wrong

For 8 weeks he does that? Surely you can see how it’s different. Do you even like your husband?

I feel for your dh. If it were me I’d arrange a local holidays or long weekends as a family. I’m all for adults doing different things, but that’s too long especially as he’s starting a new job. In your dh shoes I’d be feeling really let down.

Do your twins want to be away for 8 weeks if they are off to uni in October? Do they not have friends at home they want to see before they go to uni?

I think 2 months is an awful long time. I probably wouldn't be that ecstatic about my family going on holiday for 8 weeks without me. I also can't see how 8 weeks is more affordable than say 4 weeks, taking account the extra money you will likely spend on 4 weeks of holiday for 3 adults

So would you actually change your mind about going for 8 weeks? You’re coming across as you’ve made up your mind and are looking for validation.

Just curious.

Also how do you just last minute plan 8 weeks away? Have you given up work? How long had you originally planned to go for?

If your twins are off to uni in October you must be thinking of going soon? How will your family feel about 8 weeks?

Going away for work (which presumably isn't optional) isn't the same as taking an 8 week trip.

As ever, it sounds like there are significant undertones to this disagreement. You, rightly or wrongly, don't sound at all sympathetic to his objections.