Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

[tarryawhile2025]

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

This is a hard one. On the one hand he has been unemployed, finally got a job after a couple of months and now his family is leaving for 8-weeks. Sucks big time.

On the other hand, you usually go away to see family, and have done over the previous 15-years.

But those visits were 2-4-weeks, why is it 8-weeks this time? Can you not go for 4-weeks as usual?

Where do you work that you can take 8 weeks annual leave?

A 6 year course suggests medicine. Unless they already have the grades needed being away on results day is frankly quite insane. There is a lot more you can do when you are at the school and a priority, not trying to get staff on the phone when they've gone home.

They’re 18. They could be leaving home soon anyway.

I’m at a loss as to why this is a problem, three adults are going abroad for eight weeks and one adult gets eight weeks to himself.

I get where OP is coming from, as we're a mixed EU family where it's totally normal that the wife and kids are packed off for the summer to send time with the wider family, and husbands join them occasionally. Or the kids get sent to the grand-parents if both parents are working. I was once down there for 9 long weeks with DS. This year it's 'just' six weeks, and DH will join us for the last three.

That said, it's clear your DH isn't happy with this. Could you not suck up the more expensive flights and go for less time? Or, just send your children alone, who are looking forward to seeing family, for less time? They're 18, so able to fly solo.

I'm presuming we're talking long-haul here, as opposed to somewhere your DH could join you for the weekend?

If you've had long holidays abroad for the last 15 years then you have done very well as a family in the past. You've hardly been deprived when it comes to having holidays.
If you think leaving your H for 8 weeks while you and the rest of the family have a holiday abroad while he stays at home working is a reasonable thing to do then I assume you. really don't like your H.
I would assume your marriage has got to the stage that you just live seperate lives whilst keeping up the charade of being a family.

Most people need ‘emotional support’ when starting a new job. Short of something really extreme that the OP hasn’t mentioned.

This is getting ridiculous now.

Given your update, I think it’s unfair to be away until late September as your DH will hardly have anytime with his children before they leave. What about six weeks instead?

8 weeks is a very long time especially if the kids are off to uni straight after. I think if you can avoid doing that long YABU and he is BU suggesting to skipping it altogether, especially as it’s a trip so see family which you would all enjoy.

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

edit: I don’t know why this poster so much! Sorry!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

I think if this was a wife posting that her husband was taking the children away for 8 weeks, while she started a new job, and the children were then off to uni at the end of the trip, the answers would be a lot different!

8 weeks is a long time, I wouldn’t want to be left for that long while the rest of my family were off on a jolly.
I think 3 or 4 weeks is plenty - pay the extra money for flights, his new job will help pay for them?

OP what do your children want to do?

How would you feel if he took them away for 2 months against your wishes?

But similarly you are depriving your DH of that same window of opportunity to spend time with DC before they go their distant universities?

I’m guessing it’s your family who lives abroad - so you’re living very far away from your family and friends, and your husband is British and can see his family and friends all the time? If so, just go. He doesn’t get it

I wouldn't have enjoyed 8 weeks away from my late DH wherever it was. It would seem a pointless holiday without him. I would stay, go on nice weekend jaunts and support new job.

I agree . MNers would be insisting, even though he was taking the children, that he has an OW that he'd be seeing there !!