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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

266 replies

tarryawhile2025 · 21/07/2025 14:21

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

OP posts:
Nappyvalley15 · 21/07/2025 16:27

Personally I would see what the twins want to do.
I wouldn't keep them home all summer with the odd weekend away because their dad didn't want to be on his own. He will be fine.

lalalalalady · 21/07/2025 16:31

Yes yabu, and if a man came on here asking if he was ok to leave his wife that long I’m pretty sure he would be told he’s being unreasonable, but because it’s a woman you’ll be told to go! 8 weeks is taking the piss. What is the difference in price going for a shorter time?

BunnyLake · 21/07/2025 16:31

Murdoch1949 · 21/07/2025 15:55

This will probably be the last holiday you have with your twins. After 18 they become less enamored of family hols. Go and enjoy the time with your family. Husband will survive.

Well he’s not going to keel over and die because of it so yes he will survive , but it seems very selfish of the OP in light of the dc going to uni for 6 years when they get back. Yes I know they’ll visit etc but OP is framing it as their last family holiday before uni but minus the dad of the family.

NeverTrustTheScales · 21/07/2025 16:32

Surely the extra spending money would be more than the flights? Mine wouldnt want to go away for the entire summer before leaving their friends for uni, no way would I not be here for results day either.

FlorenceLyons · 21/07/2025 16:34

I have an 18 year old who’s about to head off to uni, and I’d be really upset if I didn’t get to spend any time with her at all this summer because my partner had taken her away for the whole summer. She’d also hate it - she’s going on two weeks of family holidays and looking forward to it, but she’s also got several trips with friends planned, as well as just hanging out with friends and family at home before she leaves. Do your children really want to do this?

unsync · 21/07/2025 16:37

Do it. My mother was a teacher and we used to spend all summer overseas with her in her family's house. Father would join us for his AL. Lots of happy memories spending the summer with the friends I made and saw every summer.

Starlight7080 · 21/07/2025 16:38

She is not taking young children away for 8 weeks . They are essentially adults. And would probably spend most of the summer doing other things anyway.
If its the only time you see family and they still want to go then I would.
It would be different if young children .

SALaw · 21/07/2025 16:39

I’d go. I know lots of families where one parent takes the children to visit family for the entire school holiday whilst the other stays behind due to work. It’s great for the kids to have that extended time with family that are far away and the partner at home can crack on with work and maybe other tasks in the house that they never have time or space for with kids there.

PopeJoan2 · 21/07/2025 16:39

I was going to suggest a bit of both but then I remembered you said that these are the only available tickets. I think you should go. You can FaceTime lot and it gives dh peace and quiet to get stuck into the new job.

stayathomer · 21/07/2025 16:39

I’d hate this- eight weeks?!?!? How on earth is that cheaper than 2-4?!

Notonthestairs · 21/07/2025 16:39

I’d be a bit ‘dog in the manager’ if DS and DH went off on a two month family holiday before DS left for a distant university.

I don’t believe the choice of length of trip is 3 weeks or 8.

HotCrunchyCrumpet · 21/07/2025 16:43

Christ alive, OP is taking the children with them. He will have no responsibilities barring getting on with a new job, footloose and fancy free. He’s pissing on their chance to have a long break after A levels with family, this really isn’t likely to happen again soon. Knowing teenagers it will have been a long year of revision and exam prep for them and parents. He will be fine, I really don’t get the mentality of not enjoying your own company, I’d relish it. Perhaps a compromise of a weekend away before you go and before they head off to uni?

MyDeftDuck · 21/07/2025 16:43

Go! With the children potentially moving into further education this might be the last opportunity for them for some time. OH will survive…….his belly will find his brain…….just be sure to teach him how to use the washing machine. 👍

HotCrunchyCrumpet · 21/07/2025 16:46

lalalalalady · 21/07/2025 16:31

Yes yabu, and if a man came on here asking if he was ok to leave his wife that long I’m pretty sure he would be told he’s being unreasonable, but because it’s a woman you’ll be told to go! 8 weeks is taking the piss. What is the difference in price going for a shorter time?

Genuinely curious here as this has been mentioned a fair few times, if the DH took the children on holiday and she stayed at home what’s the issue?

BabyEatsEverything · 21/07/2025 16:46

Sounds like a magical last break with them before they are proper adults. And a new job means he’ll have no annual leave and will be tired etc so he’s maybe like the down time? He’d rather you not go than some of you go? Your children I guess want to go and if get him to tell them why they’re not going. How much are the flight difference to come back after 4 weeks? As would the costs of an additional 4 weeks there be worth more?

CloudywMeatballs · 21/07/2025 16:46

HotCrunchyCrumpet · 21/07/2025 16:43

Christ alive, OP is taking the children with them. He will have no responsibilities barring getting on with a new job, footloose and fancy free. He’s pissing on their chance to have a long break after A levels with family, this really isn’t likely to happen again soon. Knowing teenagers it will have been a long year of revision and exam prep for them and parents. He will be fine, I really don’t get the mentality of not enjoying your own company, I’d relish it. Perhaps a compromise of a weekend away before you go and before they head off to uni?

Edited

I LOVE my own company. It rarely happens, but I absolutely love it when I occasionally get the house to myself for a day or two.

But if my husband took our kids and went away for 8 weeks I would be very unhappy. That's a completely different scenario, and I would not be impressed with someone who wouldn't be upset with that happening.

HotCrunchyCrumpet · 21/07/2025 16:49

CloudywMeatballs · 21/07/2025 16:46

I LOVE my own company. It rarely happens, but I absolutely love it when I occasionally get the house to myself for a day or two.

But if my husband took our kids and went away for 8 weeks I would be very unhappy. That's a completely different scenario, and I would not be impressed with someone who wouldn't be upset with that happening.

Show quote history

So you would sooner deny them the chance of seeing extended family together for what could be the last chance for a long time? Granted we are all assuming here the children are keen to go.

CarlaLemarchant · 21/07/2025 16:49

I think there’s more going on in your marriage than this. 8 weeks is long, he’s expressed his disappointment so most partners would take this on board and adjust their plans, it’s not like he’s being massively unreasonable. I’d hate it if my DH took the kids away for their last summer before they moved out and I was stuck at home on my own. I’d miss them all.

There is a very simple compromise to be had. Halve the time away.

waterrat · 21/07/2025 16:51

In my family my husband would absolutely not want the kids to miss out

So they just sit about at home most of the summer so he can see them at weekends? That's just not reasonable of him.

beAsensible1 · 21/07/2025 16:52

Go staying in England to do long weekends is ridiculous.

RainSoakedNights · 21/07/2025 16:53

YABU. What about your husband? At home for two months in a new job with nobody around him?

RantzNotBantz · 21/07/2025 16:55

So in the summer before they disappear for years to Uni your DH gets no time with them at all?

Is he the main breadwinner? Earning more of the money that has his family swanning off for 2 months without him? I’m not presuming that, just asking.

3 weeks is plenty to wind down from your own hard year.

CloudywMeatballs · 21/07/2025 16:57

CloudywMeatballs · 21/07/2025 16:46

I LOVE my own company. It rarely happens, but I absolutely love it when I occasionally get the house to myself for a day or two.

But if my husband took our kids and went away for 8 weeks I would be very unhappy. That's a completely different scenario, and I would not be impressed with someone who wouldn't be upset with that happening.

Show quote history

Edited: responded to wrong person

CloudywMeatballs · 21/07/2025 16:57

HotCrunchyCrumpet · 21/07/2025 16:49

So you would sooner deny them the chance of seeing extended family together for what could be the last chance for a long time? Granted we are all assuming here the children are keen to go.

Show quote history

If the choice literally is stay home and spend time as a nuclear family, or mother and children go away for 8 weeks without seeing Dad, then yes.
I find it hard to believe that there isn't some sort of compromise though.

ClairDeLaLune · 21/07/2025 16:58

That would be really mean of you to go OP. 8 weeks is a long time. Not fair that your DH has to miss out on the family holiday, especially at such a special time. I think you should take the hit on the more expensive tickets for a shorter time so that you can all go.