Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

[tarryawhile2025]

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

They’re not big assumptions, I have teens I know what they get up to in the holidays particularly after A level.

Of course it’s comparable. They’re 18, I was 18 I didn’t go alone I went with friends. Why should they get jobs right now when they’ve been offered a chance for a long stay abroad after stressful exams and they have a whole year off and uni career to get jobs?

At the very least the kids should go for the full 8 weeks.

Whether OP chooses to go for the whole time or she gets guilted by her DH or people on here is a separate matter.

Hmm - on the one hand, great opportunity for him to get stuck into a new role.

8 weeks though. Will they have any time at home before they start uni to get sorted, packed etc? What happens if there's an issue with results and you are trying to sort clearing etc from overseas?

Assuming their places are secure, and they have time at home before packing up and going off, and some time with their Dad I don't see the issue.

As a compromise, could you arrange a family holiday at Christmas that your husband could go on? He'll hopefully have passed his probation and be ready for a break then. Reading week is usually only a week but they'll have a month off at Christmas so even allowing for semesters and spring exams something should be possible.

Lack of empathy for men? He’s a grown adult starting a new job, should not require a hand hold or indeed company. If it was reversed it with him taking the kids for 8 weeks be interesting if the comments would be different.

This thread has really surprised me, so many posters not being able to cope with their own company for eight weeks. Sure he will miss them, he will live.

They're 18 they could be living in another country, married etc.
I always go by the thought that you give kids wings to fly.
I'd certainly have never imposed on my 18 year old adult children that they couldn't go off on holiday for 8 weeks because I would miss them. And I would have been glad they were going with their mum and spending time with their extended family.

Still relatively new to Mumsnet but never seen a 50:50 vote result before. Interesting.

It's odd to me. OH went off for four weeks when I was pregnant crewing and three weeks when the baby was seven months old. I managed, the baby and ran the business. When the oil tank ran out we had a couple of nights in the sitting room where there was a log burner thank god.

But that was only 3 weeks or 4 weeks at a time. Most of the answers saying OP is being unreasonable are saying that a compromise of 3 or 4 would be more reasonable

absolutely! I'd be quite delighted for DH and the twins to be happy and safe in the company of people who love them- for 8 weeks or even 12. I would consider it a great opportunity to catch up with hosts of other things.

The vote says 50:50!!

If you’d just been through a stressful time and started a new job?

@tarryawhile2025 After you get back from the trip, how long will your DH have with the twins before they start university?

Won’t teens want to be with friends at some point over the summer? How are you financing uni? DS earned quite a bit of money in the summer holidays before uni to fund time at uni

Sounds perfect to me. New jobs leave you utterly exhausted for the first month.

What was decided?

Can he take time off from new job as guess he didn’t say he had a holiday booked

so guessing he can’t join you for 1-2 weeks

Just too hard to say. Have you given up a life in your own country to live in your husband’s country? If so I’m sympathetic and yanbu. Otherwise 8 weeks is a very long time to be apart, and for children to be away from their dad and vice versa. Could you not just pay more and stay 4 weeks?