Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

[tarryawhile2025]

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

When it is your inlaws it can be unfair.

I know from experience, spent years planning annual leave around visiting the in-laws with the children.

Leaving little time or money for family holiday.

The last two years we prioritised getting a holiday.

This

the poor bloke bets abandoned after just securing a job, no time with his family and the op seems to think him being away with work is somehow comparable.

you’re being really selfish here

This will probably be the last holiday you have with your twins. After 18 they become less enamored of family hols. Go and enjoy the time with your family. Husband will survive.

The twins off to distant universities in October,

Even more reason for him to be upset that he won't see them for eight weeks before they go. Of course he wants to spend time with them!

And saying that he went away on his own (for work!) and claiming that that bears comparison with what you're about to do, is so illogical to be farcical.

Nobody is telling you not to go, not even your DH. Just not for 8 weeks. Why not 3 or 4 weeks?

Go! the kids will love it1 especially before heading to uni, and what sound like quite intenside courses!!

Your DH can fend for himself for a while! it won't kill him!

They are going to university and you would be happy to prevent him from spending any time with them in the lead up?

Why not do a 1 week family holiday somewhere closer, as well as a couple of short breaks to new places?

What about husband's last chance to spend time with his twins too? It's not just OP's family. And it's not about survival but about her husband wanting to be with his family over summer.

And you don't think the husband may also be thinking this and be a bit sad that he isn't getting to spend any last holiday with his kids before they disappear off to Uni?!

I’d go. I don’t see any issue with it at all. But I don’t have or want a husband. But seriously, if he wants you all back sooner why doesn’t he offer to pay for the more expensive flights? Or, for you to come back a bit earlier? But honestly? I think he’s being a bit of a baby. It’s a great opportunity for your children to have 2 months of relaxation before they have to get back into the world of study. He should put the children first.

So you get to spend 8 weeks of quality time with your twins who are off to University in October, while their dad won't see them for 8 weeks and as soon as they return, they'll be leaving for Uni. It does seem a bit unfair on your DH.

There is a huge difference between 3 and 8 weeks when teens are about to disappear off to university.

I find it hard to believe that the only cost effective flights are for this length of time. Surely 4-5 weeks is long enough for this trip. Or if you really feel you deserve such a prolonged break, then you stay on for longer and the twins go home to their DF.

Would you be happy not seeing your children for two months before they went off to ‘distant universities’ OP? You obviously want to spend that time with them, but then don’t seem to understand why he might be upset at not getting to share in any of it?

I agree that there is backstory here and possibly an unhappy marriage at the root of it. I can’t imagine leaving DH for two months to have a last holiday with the kids, I would much rather have 3 weeks or whatever away and then come back and spend time with him. Do you like each other? Not being snarky, it’s a genuine question. Don’t you want to spend some holiday time together?

No way I'd let my DH take my children away for 8 weeks. I'd not even be impressed if there weren't children involved tbh, I'm all for solo holidays but I'd say 3-4 weeks max is reasonable when married. But to take children away for that long isn't right I think.

I wouldn't be happy if my husband took our two children and went on holiday for 8 weeks without me. Your last post clarified that they are 18, not young kids, but my reaction would be the same. In fact, given as you said that they will soon be going away to university I would be even more unhappy about you all being gone for so long.

And maybe it's just me, but I have no idea what "him being a bit of a dog in the manger" means.

Is there a way of compromising? 3 or 4 weeks abroad and then spend time back at home.

I'm sure he'll want to spend time with his children before they head off for uni.

Not worth going for anything less than 3 weeks?
1: You are talking about 8 weeks not 3!
2: We visit in laws in South Africa for 2 weeks only!

You sound selfish.

Even more reason to do the weekend breaks at home. It’s the last time for their father too!

Have you spoken to your children about what they want?

As someone who both loves and likes their children this would be a no for me, it would also be a no for my husband.

As you’re ditching your husband for eight weeks, taking the children on the last ‘family’ holiday before university, are you actually planning on leaving him and having the first ‘single’ holiday once they’re off at uni? I knoe a few people who have done a big holiday before the children are uni while the other parent is at home, every single one has seen it as the start of their divorce process.

A lot of people don’t see dads as part of the family, just as a lot of people see children as possessions.

Have you checked with your hosts about an 8 week trip? I'd be horrified if someone wanted to stay that long.

I think if the kids are going pretty much straight to uni when you’d be getting back, you’re being a bit unreasonable here.

The compromise here is either you and the kids just go for 3-4 weeks and suck up the extra cost of the flights, or you go for 8 weeks and send the kids home after 4 weeks so they get some time with dad. I assume you’re staying with family so wouldn’t have accommodation costs which is why it’s cheaper to go for the longer stint.

Why not just send the kids for a shorter period they are 18 and actually adults

Who’s putting you up for two months? Seems like a long time to be visiting (and staying with) relatives.