Leaving DH behind and going on a 8 week holiday

[tarryawhile2025]

We have visited family overseas for summer for the past 15 years, for 2-4 weeks. This time DH can't come as he has just found job after many months of unemployment. I left buying tickets due to this and now the most affordable tickets are those that will see us overseas for 8 weeks. DH kicking up a big fuss saying let's all go for local weekend breaks instead of the children and me going overseas. The twins are just after ALs after working really hard and would love to have time with extended family spoiling them. So would I. AIBU if I just take off with the children?

Like she says they are 18!

Eight weeks in one go is just too much, I think. I'd look for a compromise. Saving money is good, but it's not always the most important consideration. There must be some alternative better than leaving your husband alone for 8 long weeks.

He doesn’t live alone though - he has a wife

And?

She can’t go to work with him.

They're 18.

OP, is it too much to ask you to respond to this ?

Have you actually discussed with, at least OH, but also the almost adults, what would be best all round ? You are only giving us a very narrow view from your perspective.

OH, going away for work hardly equates to a two month holiday...

And?

No, I wouldn't go for that long and I wouldn't like it if my husband did. Seems pretty selfish to be honest, you could go for a much shorter time rather than taking up the whole last summer.

I cannot believe some of the replies on here!

Reverse the situation, husband wants to abroad, just him and the kids for 8 weeks leaving wife behind. They clearly haven't had another holiday because of the unemployment situation.

And does she work? If so how is she able to take 8 weeks off? So where is the funding for the trip coming from.

So what?

All these people saying 'but they are 18' - how on earth does that change the fact that their Dad might like to spend some of the summer with them before they disappear to Uni?

I don't think OP needs to cancel, just pay a bit extra to make the trip a bit shorter so that they get some time as a family.

It's not rocket science:
3/4 weeks, okay.
8 weeks, unfair.

OP seems to have disappeared , perhaps on a plane .

He's being absolutely ridiculous
Of course you and your twins must go

He'll be fine, enjoy your holiday.

Maybe OP didn't like 50% of voters thinking she was being unreasonable.
I really can't see why there was no compromise.

So 18 year olds have to miss out on the opportunity of an extra 4 weeks abroad because their dad want to spend the weekends with them? They can sit around during the day twiddling their thumbs on weekdays in order to be available for his periodic entertainment?

At 18 I went off to Europe for 2 months after A levels before I started my year out in a different country in September. I was an adult. My parents were nothing but encouraging.

Or the 18 year olds could spend their weekdays with their friends who will also have just finished their a levels. Do the dc have much in common with their extended family?

Op hasn't said whether she's actually spoken to them about what they want. Just the assumption that they would enjoy the 8 weeks away.

Frankly, I doubt she's coming back to give more details so she can get decent nuanced help and support.

Biased mumsnetters . If the father wanted to do it and leave the wife at home who just started a new job , they would be telling her to kick him out . One or two weeks would be ok, but not 8 !

They can sit around during the day twiddling their thumbs on weekdays

I'm sure (at least, I hope) a couple of 18yos can think of better things to do than sit around all day twiddling their thumbs.

Where isn't worth travelling for a week?
Even uk to Australia I would do for a week if it meant two months away from all my family otherwise

YABVU. Of course you stay and take shorter breaks with him.
How awful to just leave him alone after he's started a job!

Their friends most likely either be away too or working. But that’s not the point, why should they stay home for the father’s comfort? It’s not 1890!

I don’t think OP needs support she just needs to make a decision.

If she feels bad for her DH she can always come home after a month and leave the twins to return together a month later.

Way to miss the point. Why should they? When they have an opportunity to be abroad? Surely an adult man can think of better things to do than compel his kids to miss out on a trip just so he has entertainment at the weekend.

Right.

You're making some big assumptions there about the availability of their friends.

Sadly without more updates from the op, there's just going to be assumptions and petty bickering.

The response from some people that he'll cope, he'll be OK, just seem to be pushing the narrative that mum's are the default parent and dad's are optional. That's not good for either mums or dads

You going off on your own at 18 is not comparable. Here one parent wants to spend 8 weeks with the DC while the other gets nothing.
As for the 18 year olds twiddling their thumbs, they could get jobs?