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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex signed son up to play for football

255 replies

Heyheyhey888 · 21/07/2025 00:57

I’ve got three children with ex partner . My son is a really good football player and has gotten into to playing for the county . He already does football and rugby etc ( as well as my other children so we have a busy schedule of constant training , games , work etc ) among this I also have a baby ( baby’s dad works away so I’m home all week days alone ) anyway HE has signed him up and he’s got though .. I’m so proud of him BUT it now turns out that training is the one day in the week I have the three children ( we share half and half )so I’m expected to take a baby , a 6 year old to training every week that’s half hour away from 8-9pm !! So won’t be home until half 9 ! I have no family to help ( he has lots ) not only this all the games are at least 4-5 hours away ! And I don’t like driving , then there’s the cost , I just can’t afford to do this as I’ll have to stay in hotels etc but not only that I’ll probably have to take the baby sometimes . I know it’s in the interest of my son but I just can’t logically see how I can do it but I feel like he will make out I’m a bad mother if I don’t . This was him signing him up in the first place . Am I being unreasonable and unfair to say no ? I already help him by taking kids to school on his set days and I’m just exhausted with all the other games and things they play every week as it is

OP posts:
Jeschara · 21/07/2025 01:19

Let your ex take him. This will be very hard for you to manage and sort out the logistics.
Ignore him if he calls you a bad Mother it's him who is shirking his responsibilities. You have a baby and another child to think about as well.

PrawnAgain · 21/07/2025 01:31

Can you not flex the arrangements a bit so your ex takes him? Kids needs change as they get older so I think revisiting schedules periodically is a good thing.

Brandyb · 21/07/2025 01:32

Yeah, he signed him up, he makes it happen. Just lean back and don't try to make this happen, it's too much for you. You don't need to fix this.

SpinachSpinachMoreSpinach · 21/07/2025 01:37

can’t you swap days so your Ex can take him to most or all the football activities?

DoubleBoubles · 21/07/2025 01:50

Just tell your ex that you can’t take him so he will need to do it

thelakeisle · 21/07/2025 03:42

Heyheyhey888 · 21/07/2025 00:57

I’ve got three children with ex partner . My son is a really good football player and has gotten into to playing for the county . He already does football and rugby etc ( as well as my other children so we have a busy schedule of constant training , games , work etc ) among this I also have a baby ( baby’s dad works away so I’m home all week days alone ) anyway HE has signed him up and he’s got though .. I’m so proud of him BUT it now turns out that training is the one day in the week I have the three children ( we share half and half )so I’m expected to take a baby , a 6 year old to training every week that’s half hour away from 8-9pm !! So won’t be home until half 9 ! I have no family to help ( he has lots ) not only this all the games are at least 4-5 hours away ! And I don’t like driving , then there’s the cost , I just can’t afford to do this as I’ll have to stay in hotels etc but not only that I’ll probably have to take the baby sometimes . I know it’s in the interest of my son but I just can’t logically see how I can do it but I feel like he will make out I’m a bad mother if I don’t . This was him signing him up in the first place . Am I being unreasonable and unfair to say no ? I already help him by taking kids to school on his set days and I’m just exhausted with all the other games and things they play every week as it is

Just don't do it. The end. Nope, can't manage it, but you feel free should be your only response. Who gives a shit what he says or thinks, he's an ex? I hope you are using a parenting app and not communicating with this arsehole in any other way.

Original poster
Heyheyhey888 · 21/07/2025 07:42

My issue is the Ex works late on this particular day so he can’t do it anyway !! Plus I have all the school runs etc , not only that my daughter has dance lessons as it is after school this day too !! Half hour in the opposite direction a few hours before . I can’t see how I have time to even feed the kids , baths , time for baby to go bed all in between this !! And my baby has only just gotten into a route of sleeping through ! I also work nights on a Sunday occasionally. Then partner leave for work to work away on a Monday ( Monday being the training day 😭) I feel bad for my son but he already has two other types of training that week and two games every weekend besides this as it is . It’s just impossible

OP posts:
IsitaHatOrACat · 21/07/2025 07:46

It's impossible so don't stress about it. Inform ex H and carry on as previously. Leave it at that. Anything else will just lead you into a spiral of guilt which helps no-one (especially not you)

CharlotteBakewell · 21/07/2025 07:47

Tell your ex that logistically this will be impossible for you.

As he signed your DS up, tell your ex to ask the club if there are any other parents who would be available to take him. Put it all back on him. If he’s not happy with this then he needs to find a solution.

AnSolas · 21/07/2025 07:48

Ex signed your son up to an activity without asking you for help in managing the activity on the one day Ex knows Ex can not take him??

Thats an Ex problem not your problem.

Purplecatshopaholic · 21/07/2025 07:51

AnSolas · 21/07/2025 07:48

Ex signed your son up to an activity without asking you for help in managing the activity on the one day Ex knows Ex can not take him??

Thats an Ex problem not your problem.

Exactly. You can’t do it, so don’t.

mamagogo1 · 21/07/2025 07:53

A six year old (assuming not a typo) doesn’t need to be going to games 4 hours away with hotels required, they just chase the ball at that age. Far too late to be out too, he’s a little kid.

Fedupwiththecuts · 21/07/2025 07:56

As difficult as it is, and as guilty as you feel, this isn't your problem to fix.
Ex shouldn't have organised something on your time. You wouldn't have signed son up for this as you can't manage it. You haven't let your child down, he has.
He will absolutely blame you but you need to grey rock that.
You need to ask ex if he can take him or arrange for him to be taken. When he complains that you're a bad mum, remind him that he was the one who signed son up without a plan for how it would happen so it's him who is letting son down. It's your time, not his and you already have plans and commitments so can't do this.
Stand strong.

PinkFrogss · 21/07/2025 07:58

Can exes family take him and you swap days so he has custody that day? Playing for the county is a big opportunity and it would be a shame for. DS to miss out if there are alternatives.

Is your current partner or your ex the father of the 6 year old (assuming the baby is your partners)?

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 21/07/2025 07:59

When my dc were picked for the county (in a far less competitive sport than football) they were ecstatic. It’s not just like joining a new club. It’s an honour. And I guess in football it could lead on to a professional contract. I doubt if ds would ever forgive you if you don’t help facilitate it.

Doesn’t mean your ex isn’t being wholly unreasonable to put it onto you.

Walkerzoo · 21/07/2025 08:03

I pulled out of football for the same reason. Couldn't do the weekday sessions never mind the weekends and the travel costs.
Get him to change the schedule to another club and get him to take him
Please dont feel bad. We have to factor in all the children and our work / life

IamnotSethRogan · 21/07/2025 08:07

He really doesn't need to do this extra sport. Just tell ex you already have too much on that night. He's more than welcome to change his work schedule.

If he calls you a "bad mum" just ignore him because it's bullshit. He doesn't get to dictate your evenings on a whim.

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 21/07/2025 08:10

I would just say 'that's nice, who is taking him because you know that I can't.' If he has family support then maybe one of them can take him.

olympicsrock · 21/07/2025 08:14

It is not in your 6 year olds best interest to be doing training between 8 and 9 pm. He should be tucked up in bed with a cuddle and a story.

Children need to be well rounded and you need to do the best thing for all your children and get enough time to work and rest .

This arrangement was not possible or sensible and most two parent families would not have chosen to do it. Even if ex was able
to do it - it is not good for your son .

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/07/2025 08:15

Statistically he’s unlikely to ever be a professional footballer. Only a tiny fraction of the kids in academies end up playing professionally at any level, much less Premier League. If he’s playing at grass roots level, you might find he’s not allowed to continue if he’s with this new club.

I’d drop this in a heartbeat. Even if he was your only child, this is too much for a 6 year old. He should be having fun, not regular late nights and long commutes.

BogRollBOGOF · 21/07/2025 08:15

You need to put the logistics back on to him if he wants it to happen.

There's lots of stuff that the DCs/ I would like to do, but if it doesn't fit the logistical jigsaw of family life, it can't happen.

Floranan · 21/07/2025 08:16

I would tell my son how proud I am of him and how excited daddy will be and you’re sure daddy will have made plans for getting him to practice and to the games and that you are really looking forward to hearing all about it. Then pass the ball back to daddy, simple send him a message detailing the times dates etc with a note to let you know how he wants to change his visitation times etc

Editing to say, my fault I hadn’t really read that the training is at 8 - 9 pm, he’s 6 ! That’s ridiculous no way can a little 6 year start the week with a 10 pm bed time. If he’s away at the weekend with a game as well !. Also don’t forget there is all the behind the scenes stuff like cleaning kit and boots. It’s just not doable.

Goldbar · 21/07/2025 08:18

Well, ex is an idiot then, isn't he? Tell ex to find a football club where the training times work better for you both.

dammit88 · 21/07/2025 08:21

Are there 4 children in total? 3 kids with your ex and a baby with your new partner? Or are all the children your exs?

Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 21/07/2025 08:24

I managed to miss that he’s 6. Are there really county teams at this age? In my DCs sport, county teams only start at secondary school.

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