Ex signed son up to play for football

[Heyheyhey888]

I’ve got three children with ex partner . My son is a really good football player and has gotten into to playing for the county . He already does football and rugby etc ( as well as my other children so we have a busy schedule of constant training , games , work etc ) among this I also have a baby ( baby’s dad works away so I’m home all week days alone ) anyway HE has signed him up and he’s got though .. I’m so proud of him BUT it now turns out that training is the one day in the week I have the three children ( we share half and half )so I’m expected to take a baby , a 6 year old to training every week that’s half hour away from 8-9pm !! So won’t be home until half 9 ! I have no family to help ( he has lots ) not only this all the games are at least 4-5 hours away ! And I don’t like driving , then there’s the cost , I just can’t afford to do this as I’ll have to stay in hotels etc but not only that I’ll probably have to take the baby sometimes . I know it’s in the interest of my son but I just can’t logically see how I can do it but I feel like he will make out I’m a bad mother if I don’t . This was him signing him up in the first place . Am I being unreasonable and unfair to say no ? I already help him by taking kids to school on his set days and I’m just exhausted with all the other games and things they play every week as it is

Totally agree with this.

My nephew started with a Premiership training academy at the age of 6. DB got caught up in the excitement of it all, nephew's education suffered and, at the age of 17, didn't get a contract anyway.

I know it was worth taking the punt, but so very few make it to being the next David Beckham.

I’ve done this previously and not found it an issue, if you are so put out ask his dad to take him.

If the ex signed him up, he can deal with the logistics. This isn't your problem.

It IS her problem. It’s her child. Exes who believe something related to their child “isn’t their problem” are wild. 🤯

She didn’t say dad could but won’t. She said he works that night. Dad is taking him during his parent time.

Actually, YOU missed this completely. This isn’t some feminist issue. Dad isn’t some deadbeat. They’re doing activities during his time too. She just doesn’t want activities that fall on a night she has all of her kids. That’s hugely different.

This absolutely is NOT child abuse. Get a grip. Suggesting it minimizes ACTUAL child abuse. You’re up in the night thinking this is “keeping kids up late” to the point of being considered abuse. You might not like it as a parenting choice, but it is nowhere near abusive. Just calm down.

@Irish999

It isn't just a one night a week activity though is it.
Its potentially weekend matches several hours drive away. The op is worried about transport and hotel bills.

The kid didn’t ask for the divorce. Parents should figure this out. You sacrifice for your kids.

All of this. Maybe a babysitter. Carpool. Prep sack lunch dinners to take in the car. Younger changed into pajamas for the ride home. Do homework or reading with younger child at practice. I agree; you make it work.

Ex takes him
You take him
You and your ex pay someone to take him

There are options
If ex wants it to work he takes him or pays someone to take him

She’s his MOM. It’s her job too to figure it out. All of these people who think a child’s problem is only that of one parent are only half-baked parents. EVERY problem your child faces is your responsibility to help with and to address. This baloney about it being one person’s problem simply because they are the primary one involved is absurd.

Sometimes it's ok to tell your child that they just can't do something. As parents, we often don't have the resources to facilitate unlimited opportunities for our children... we cannot give them access to every single opportunity that might prove valuable, and we certainly shouldn't do so at the expense of our own wellbeing and the welfare and comfort of other DC. What we can do is make sure that they have access to a reasonable range of opportunities and reasonable support to take advantage of them.

It doesn't make us bad parents because we have to say no, unfortunately you can't do that to our kids sometimes.

Maybe sign up your daughter for her dance classes near her brother’s practice. Carpool one or both children. Maybe drop off daughter with someone also in her dance class ahead of time to ride over. Dress children in pajamas for the ride home. Do bedtime routines before leaving practice for younger siblings. Prep sack lunch dinners or eat early and take snacks. Use a babysitter one night a week. Move dance classes to a different day and/or time. Find someone who lives at least somewhere near you and meet up to drive him over. Split pick ups and drop off with dad and stepparents. Start thinking outside the box! Single parents DO make these things work. I’ve seen it many, many times.

If he’s old enough, uber will take him. Or you can pay someone — a neighbor, college student, older responsible teenager — to chauffeur him around. There are options out there. Just need to figure them out.

So switch days.

What if the DD doesn't want to move dance lessons? Why should she sacrifice her established class so that her brother can start a new one?

A committed 12 YO deserves this opportunity and yes, he will likely resent you if he doesn’t get it. You need to figure this out. Just my opinion having raised numerous teenagers to adulthood.

Daughter is 6. Son is 12 and has a much bigger opportunity with more limited flexibility. Daugher can adjust to new dance lessons, which are much more readily available than the opportunity for the son. That’s why.

PS - I also listed NUMEROUS suggestions. Weird that you keyed in on one that you think isn’t workable and you don’t remotely know them.

Single parents make this happen on the regular. They just get creative. If you have three kids with three different men, and your visitation is such that this is a problem, consider changing that. Or, toughen up and handle having three kids simultaneously with things that need to get done. Moms do it all of the time. Three kids isn’t totally outrageous to care for on the go. Lots of women do it with no help full time, and you’re only being asked to do it one night a week. You can do it.

The son is 12. A daughter is 6. According to OP elsewhere.

If your son is so good, the club will arrange transport.
It is a huge commitment but the opportunities it offers are amazing, not just if they make it professionally but even during the academy times- European tournament's, private schooling etc.

Maybe try speaking to club about the difficulties youre facing. Its a great experience for the child but as pp, huge commitment as far as time and money, and also growing up norms- sleep overs are limited, food is controlled, they have to be disciplined

He’s not shirking his responsibilities. The practice schedule changed. Geez.

"He’s not shirking his responsibilities. The practice schedule changed. Geez"

What are you talking about, he signed his son up, his responsibility to take him, not the Mother who has other children. If the schedule changed its not the Mothers fault he either works around it or finds someone else to take him. He does not get to bad mouth the Mother, by expecting her to do it, he is shirking his responsibility.