Ex signed son up to play for football

[Heyheyhey888]

I’ve got three children with ex partner . My son is a really good football player and has gotten into to playing for the county . He already does football and rugby etc ( as well as my other children so we have a busy schedule of constant training , games , work etc ) among this I also have a baby ( baby’s dad works away so I’m home all week days alone ) anyway HE has signed him up and he’s got though .. I’m so proud of him BUT it now turns out that training is the one day in the week I have the three children ( we share half and half )so I’m expected to take a baby , a 6 year old to training every week that’s half hour away from 8-9pm !! So won’t be home until half 9 ! I have no family to help ( he has lots ) not only this all the games are at least 4-5 hours away ! And I don’t like driving , then there’s the cost , I just can’t afford to do this as I’ll have to stay in hotels etc but not only that I’ll probably have to take the baby sometimes . I know it’s in the interest of my son but I just can’t logically see how I can do it but I feel like he will make out I’m a bad mother if I don’t . This was him signing him up in the first place . Am I being unreasonable and unfair to say no ? I already help him by taking kids to school on his set days and I’m just exhausted with all the other games and things they play every week as it is

I thought the middle child was 6(and is the daughter who does dance). OP mentions having three children and having to bring a baby and 6 year old with.

It seems a shame for oldest son to miss out on such a big opportunity due to logistics. Especially if he is secondary level he may be able to get himself to and from training soon.

Hi no I also have a 6 year old and a baby. My son is 12 😭

I think the OP has 4 kids, 3 with ex and then a baby. The 6 year old is youngest of the 3 with the ex

The training was originally meant to be on his day but it’s been moved to my day 🤦‍♀️😭

If he’s already playing for the County I would be surprised if he’s allowed to play for other teams, where we live if you play for the County you cannot. Also getting back from training at 9.30 pm for the younger DC would be a definite no from me. Both my DS played football but matches were always within an hour, 4/5 hours away is unrealistic.

Ex needs to endeavour to swap his late night for another evening so that he can take his son to county football. Not rocket science!

The father of the three older ones is the ex . Only the baby is my current partners 😄 it’s impossible as no one will be willing to go out their way at 8pm and get home for half 9 it’s unreasonable to ask anyone as his family also work . Even his mother said she wouldn’t be doing it herself 🤦‍♀️

Hi sorry ! My son is 12 who is playing the football . What I meant was I also have a 6 year old and a baby to take around with me x

I thought this too !! he’s being signed up to a new club in September so maybe they don’t know he’s been picked for county ( ex also arranged this )

The training was his day, he was doing it and presumably the games.

Training has moved and he cant do it due to work. You cant do it either. It is unfortunate but dont let ex make you feel bad about it. If I were ex I would change work days if poss or ask his family to help.

All the clubs around here state that they can't play for other clubs, especially if its county or the junior teams for local professional clubs. I would contact the club and explain your son has been selected for county and see what they say. I would all most guarantee they will rescind their offer.

If not, ex signed up so ex needs to facilitate it not you.

I wouldn't make a big deal out of it with your ex, simply say something along the lines of "omg that's amazing, im so proud of him. What have you sorted out in terms of getting him to training and games given our daughter has dancing on the same night"

Leave it to him to resolve!

I have a 6yr old, this is not fair on a child this age , it is too late to be dragging him out on a weekly basis to watch your other son play football. Plus all the regular travel at the weekend for hours at a time. If you ex arranged this extra training, he needs to be able to facilitate this for your son, that means all the training and extra games. He isnt thinking about your other children or how this affects you, he has a pipe dream (realistically) that your 12 year old is going to go on and become a pro footballer.

I thought at county level there’d be a team bus to take them to matches?

No unfortunately not with us 😭

The answer is no. Stop turning yourself inside out with guilt and anxiety. Let it go.

Your son will be disappointed but that’s just tough and let’s face it, it’s just another football session, not a kidney transplant. It’s not the end of the world. Sometimes in life you don’t get what you want. That’s a valuable lesson to learn, especially as part of a team/family.

I’m sure your ex isn’t losing any sleep over it!

For goodness sake, just say no. Honestly, are you an adult or not? Tell your ex that he is welcome to sort this out himself but it’s not something you are able to do. It’s not possible. Why are you behaving like a child in a panic?

Your son already plays anyway; he isn’t missing out. Just tell your ex no. It’s not hard.

So the answer is you can’t do it so you won’t.

“hi ex, the club you’ve signed DS up to trains on one of my nights, but I’m not able to get him to/from training and won’t be able to take him to games. I’m prepared to be flexible with which nights we have the kids if you want to take him, but as things stand you’ll have to just tell them he won’t be going as I’m not able to make this happen. In the future, don’t make commitments on my time to avoid disappointing the children. Kind regards, heyheyhey. PS pretty sure the county team wouldn’t be happy with him signing up for extra teams, if you do look at another team on your nights, make sure you check with them before committing to anything else.”

The father needs to take him as he was the one who signed him up. There's no way you should be dragging 3 small children around at that time of night. What's the worst that will happened if you don't take him? He doesn't go and still plays football. Don't give it a second thought.

This isn’t a workable situation. There’s 4 kids in your family, 3 of them can’t be inconvenienced like this for the sake of 1.

when my SK got into a sport, their mum refused to take them to any training or even let them attend on ‘her’ time for the first 2 years, which was entirely her prerogative. While DH was disappointed he had to respect that. She doesn’t have a baby etc & it wasn’t much distance she just didn’t want to, and that’s entirely her choice. The coach was very understanding & still let them be part of the team when he could be there. A lot has changed since & shes 100% supportive now because her mum friends have a community around the sport so she moved him into that team - it has to work for everyone, not just one parent deciding what happens outside of their time with the kids.
are you happy for your ex to take him even if it cuts into your family time? If he won’t do this, when he signed him up, then he is very unreasonable & I would suspect trying to paint you as the bad guy.

When there’s multiple children in a family, time and resources need to be spread equally and fairly. Not only this, extra curriculars need to support all children and not have one siblings ones imposing on the others to a negative effect. You are not being a bad mum, you are considering all the children’s happiness and feelings in this. It sounds like your son is already doing several extra curricular activities as it is

If your ex wants him to do this, your ex needs to make it happen. That means he needs to put a flexible working request in to change his late shift and be the one doing all these games that are hours away. If he can’t (or won’t), then he’s the one that needs to sit down and explain it can’t happen

I dont know why you're getting all het up about it. Just grow a backbone and say no. No further explanation needed.
He can make arrangements to do stuff like this in his time.

don’t talk to me like a child . I know these things . Don’t you think I came on here for some reassurance and not to be spoken to like a kid ? Don’t you think I’m feeling guilty for my son who I care about ? It’s fine being someone who is a strong person and doesn’t care like yourself but I’m not like that

Of course Yanbu. He signs him up, he pays and takes. This is about as straightforward as it gets.

Talk to your boy about it all and explain it. Perhaps there are lifts to be had if he is determined to carry on. If ex is nasty about it, is there some sort of mediation you can use?

Doesn’t care? If you think saying no to a football club means you don’t care about your kid then something has gone very wrong with your definition of caring.