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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Granddaughter taking over weekends

569 replies

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:01

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

OP posts:

IamnotSethRogan · 20/07/2025 11:03

Well what's the solution? If he's living with you he can't not see his daughter.

I don't know if you can suggest he has her at the ex"s house though she might not be keen on that idea.

Poopeepoopee · 20/07/2025 11:04

How long is this expected to continue? I mean, when you agreed for him to come and live with you - did you put a timeframe on it? If not, I don't really see what you can do.

If your gc mother is working and your son not allowed to have her at yours, what are the alternatives?

Pizzagirly · 20/07/2025 11:04

You are clearly being used.
You and your home.
He needs to move out.
I wouldn't want this either.

His life, his choices, YOUR home.

AbzMoz · 20/07/2025 11:05

Your GD comes as a package deal with DS. You’re within your rights to suggest they go out and enjoy the park / cinema etc, and that you get to agree on which films / dinner to enjoy on a Saturday.

Is your DS looking for his own place? If he’s with you for the longer term can you make his space more separate from your own? If it’s a short term thing can you just enjoy the additional bonding time?

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 20/07/2025 11:05

You're in an impossible position. He's an adult - why has he moved back in with you? He needs his own place now he is a father.

RepoTheGeriatricOpera · 20/07/2025 11:06

Has he said anything about his plans to move?

I would be having that conversation ASAP if I felt as you did.

SaintGermain · 20/07/2025 11:07

What hobbies did you have? Can you involve your granddaughter in doing any with you?

Its your house so you can control the tv and change it so that they aren’t just slobbing about in front of the tv in your living room and are engaging with you, perhaps playing board games etc

Do you all go out for walks?

TickyandTacky · 20/07/2025 11:07

Your son is the issue not your granddaughter. She has no autonomy in the matter, your son does!

Cherrysoup · 20/07/2025 11:07

Where are the other grandparents? I can totally empathise that your space has been invaded and it’s not what you wanted. Does your ds plan on getting his own place? Are you left to entertain her? You can’t exactly ban her from the Tv/living room but I very much empathise that you want your space back when your ds moved out and is suddenly back.

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 11:08

Why don’t you encourage your son to be a big boy, pay his own way and parent his own child?

Helianthusinbloom · 20/07/2025 11:08

Well let’s hope that he gets his own place quickly so you don’t have the chore of seeing your own granddaughter overnight once a week. You can then go back to your hobby which seems to be your priority over your family.

beesandstrawberries · 20/07/2025 11:10

it’s not that his ex is working on a Saturday so he has his child, it’s that he is a parent and that is his time with his child.

as much as I sympathise, you knew he had a child when he moved back in, so what did you expect?? The child to not be there at all?

JLou08 · 20/07/2025 11:10

He needs to find his own place. I'd encourage him to be taking his DD out some weeks too and giving you some space. It's not ideal for a 9 year old to be sat in front of the TV all weekend.

PeapodMcgee · 20/07/2025 11:10

Doesn't he take her out anywhere?

Presumably this is a temporary arrangement and he is saving rent by paying less rent to you then he would elsewhere, so is building up a good deposit?

Shessweetbutapsycho · 20/07/2025 11:11

It sounds difficult for everyone. I can understand you needing to compromise on the tv, but I’m not sure why you GC being there affects your time for hobbies etc? Surely when she’s at yours then your son is dealing with her? Why don’t you just continue with your own plans as usual? If it’s the case they you’re becoming unduly involved with providing care/entertainment whilst she’s there, perhaps you need to be a bit firmer with your boundaries? (Although one evening/day a week doesn’t sound like loads of time you’re sacrificing to spend with your grandchild)

Needanight · 20/07/2025 11:11

Are you saying your son looks after his daughter one night a week? Stop babying your son. He should be finding a property to house him and his daughter and be a proper coparent looking after his daughter 50/50.

BrentfordForever · 20/07/2025 11:11

Is he paying towards anything at least ?

YANBU at all!!

TwinklyRoseTurtle · 20/07/2025 11:11

Your son needs to move out, not have your grandchild less

RaininSummer · 20/07/2025 11:11

He needs to move out I think unless you are happy to continue living like this. If course he needs to be a decent parent but he is making a lot of assumptions. Have you discussed the longer term plan?

Seeline · 20/07/2025 11:12

I understand OP!

I think you need a chat with your DS - he needs to find something to do with his daughter for at least part of that time. Swimming, cinema, walks, a class, sport etc so that you get some peace.
They need to be tidy and not take over the whole house. They need to stick to your timetable and if you want to watch something on your TV, go ahead.

bellamorgan · 20/07/2025 11:13

Imagine only parenting one night a week.

You need to have a word with your son about hogging the tv.

Ddakji · 20/07/2025 11:13

I think this depends very much on whether or not you’re still working. But if you’ve offered your home to your son, then of course his DD is part of that package.

So you need to speak to your son, either about him moving out sooner rather than later, or about monopolising the living room.

If you’re not working, and if your son living with you is already known as a temporary measure, then I think you’re being a bit of a grouch. Why not do something together with them, or take your GDD out yourself?

Gagamama2 · 20/07/2025 11:13

It’s only one night a week…can’t you do your hobbies on the other 6 nights?? She is your grand daughter. It’s a bit odd you don’t want to spend time with her. Poor kids has just had her home life uprooted and now even her grandma is saying she’s nuisance when she has no control over where she stays Saturday nights.

Also when you said yes to your son moving back in with you then surely it was clear that would also mean his daughter staying as well when he has care of her. You’re luckily it isn’t 50/50 care and she isn’t there all week every other week! Or Friday after school until Sunday night / Monday morning as would be normal if he had custody of her for weekends. If your son and his ex are going through the courts to work out childcare and there is the chance your son will have his daughter 50/50 or for weekends and you can’t cope with this then you need to tell him he has to get his own place

Maddy70 · 20/07/2025 11:13

You aren't being unreasonable to want your peace but this time you have to suck it up. There is no other option.
Make plans to see friends so you still have adult time

ThatLoudBear · 20/07/2025 11:14

This reply has been deleted

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