Granddaughter taking over weekends

[ThePerkyBiscuit]

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

Others berating you never ask if you work and need to relax in YOUR home. I think you must work if you do hobbies on a weekend that can be done at home. The obvious solution is your son finds a 2 bedroom place to rent so he can have his own place and his daughter have a home. I don't think blaming your granddaughter is reasonable when she is the child. Your son is the adult and father who should be looking to get his own place. Have you spoken to him about this? I hope you have a loving relationship with both of them, but your home is your place to relax after working all week and now you are expected to change your whole life and your son isn't considering the impact on you. He needs to take his daughter out and give her some bonding time with dad too. My parents worked and my sister used them to have 3 grandchildren at least one weekend to stay over every month and babysit other times. My mum loved them, but told me she felt so tired and her friends never had their grandchildren as much as they did. People need to realise grandparents are older too in general, but even in your 50s you still work and deserve to have your home to relax in. You need a heart to heart with your son, no blaming, uncaring etc but tell him honestly it is impacting your health and feeling like you can't even do what you did in your own home. Time he took full responsibility and got himself a home.

2 days out of 7 isn’t a huge about of parenting. 50/50 is what is usually recommended.

Lol thank you! I am knackered! You summed it up, I should have wrote that!

Why don't you just tell them she's not wanted and to stop coming over every week?

By it, she obviously means the situation.
🫣

You’re not replying to most people, though, are you? Lots of people have said you need to speak to your son to agree either a timeframe for him moving out and/or him not hogging the lounge/TV. But you’ve ignored most of those posts.

Perhaps you could answer this? Are you working or retired?

Thank you. That is helpful

Not wanting something to happen every weekend, in your space, is perfectly OK. OP is entitled to her own life.

When your son moved back home, I assume your granddaughter was staying EOW? Whilst living with you, this has now changed to every weekend, due to your son's ex working? Did your son tell you the arrangements with his ex had changed or was this sprung on you? I do think you have every right to be miffed. However, your son is a Dad, and being the other parent, it's his responsibility to help with childcare. I am assuming living with you is a temporary arrangement? You need to talk to your son, ask him what he's doing to provide a permanent solution to his housing. Be honest, say as much as you love him and your granddaughter, you want your home back. It doesn't make you a terrible Mum or grandmother admitting that.

I don't think anyone else would pick up on my feelings, my grandaughter is always shown love and acceptance

Nowhere does the OP say she's running round after her son and grandchild all weekend.

Then you need to discuss this with him, tell him how you feel and together work out a compromise……….its called ‘communication’ !!!

@bellamorgan

no one says that.

Exactly. She just has to say that to them.

It was sprung on me, never been asked anything

It’s for the PARENTS to consider the needs of their child not the grandparent. I’m sure this woman would love to spend some time with her granddaughter but it’s all weekend, every weekend.

im only 57 but I can’t imagine working full time and having a nine year old in my house all day Saturday and all day Sunday. Just when I’d got a taste of having a bit of time to
myself and able to practice some hobbies.

This is an awful comment.

It's about them being in her space, in her house, more than she can cope with. She's not unreasonable in this.

How long does your son expect to live with you? Does he have a plan to move out into his own home?

He isn't unreasonable to want to see his daughter every weekend, but he should have discussed it with you first.

Can't they have a tv in his room - they could watch in there to give you space sometimes

What are his plans to move out?

Also if they are confined to the lounge most of the time (admittedly not great parenting but if it works for them then 🤷‍♀️) can you not get your son to buy and set up a TV in your room (or do it yourself) you can retreat there. It does at least mean they’re reasonably confined? Or could your son buy and set up a garden TV room for them to use together?

And if you are knackered, have you considered other areas of your life- it’s very unlikely to be this 1/2 days a week if they’re just watching TV is it? Can’t you nap upstairs and leave them to it?

Time for a conversation with your son i think. You seem to have helped him out in an emergency situation but its up to him to sort out his parental responsibilities, not you. Its massively sad that there is a child in the middle of this, of course it is, but your son needs to understand that he is responsible for his daughter's care and not you.

Why should she be confined to her room in her own house?

He should be taking his daughter out to give you some space. Do you have back room, conservatory or spare bedroom they could use as a tv room?

The problem is that your son needs his own place. Having his own child every weekend is bare minimum tbh. You are being massively unreasonable to suggest he looks after his daughter less than he already does.
If you feel like they’re encroaching on your space/peace, tell your son he has 8 weeks to find his own place and move out. Problem solved.