Granddaughter taking over weekends

[ThePerkyBiscuit]

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

shes got a bedroom presumably? It’s ONE evening a week 🙄

Its summer! He should be taking her swimming or to the park or to do a sport, not parking her in front of the TV

THIS!

surely this sums it up? Who could take umbrage with this?

*What hobbies did you have? Can you involve your granddaughter in doing any with you?
Why? OP wants dome if her personel space and time back.
I wouldnt want other relatives, never mind one that is a child muscling in on my downtime and hobbies.
It’s her fucking grandchild and son?
And.......?

I'd be interested to know what the situation is during the week. Does OP's son "take over" the living room and TV every night or does he try and consider OP? If he does hog the TV and it's the only one in the house then it's the son that OP should be annoyed with, not the fact that the grandchild stays over once a week.

You make it sound like your DS is 'helping out' babysitting.....he's her Dad and should have her 50% of the week!

DS needs to get his own property but in the meantime suggest he takes her out for the day rather than leaving her stuck in the house.

And people are allowed to want space from their children and grandchildren. Lots of grandparents don't want to spend the entire weekend parenting their grandchildren. That's perfectly reasonable.

I think you might get better answers if you stop giving sort, one sentence answers and actually explain yourself properly.

Are you working all week so your weekends are your only time to time to relax?
Are you expected to run around after your granddaughter while your son watches tv?
Is he working and contributing to bills and food?

You need to say, "You've watched your films and tv shows all day, it's my turn now." and tell your son he needs to be taking his daughter out more to the park, cinema, swimming or whatever.

This is tough really, but what do you want him to do?

when you agreed to him moving back in did you not think about the time your GC would be spending with him ?

was there a plan of how long he would live with you?

It’s a horrible situation but I think it’s admirable he wants to spend time with his kid and is willing to do it. It’s not just down to the mother to parent the child. So many posts on MN is fathers not stepping up.

What I would suggest is speak to you son and explain that he needs to think about finding his own place and give him a timeline (be reasonable though and not say a few weeks). Say it’s no issue but could he maybe take GC out every other week (cinema/bowling/dinner/mini golf/walks) to give you some space. Get a tv in the bedroom too if not already.

I don’t know his circumstances re work/driving/money but have a chat

I think my mum would struggle with this too op - she is so used to her own space which is understandable.

But l feel for your grand daughter - can't her dad take her swimming and for a bit of lunch to give you some space?

shes got a bedroom presumably? It’s ONE evening a week 🙄
Sounds like one evening AND two days,I.e. every Saturday and Sunday.

@CurlyhairedAssassin

who supports Op? It’s all the woman doing the giving. That’s internalised misogyny. Op sounds sick of it and I don’t blame her. You can give and give and give to your family if you want but most women want and need some healthy limits and boundaries.

Have a chat with your son. Say that you love your gd and him and so you’d like to work out a solution for you to have some weekend time to recover. It sounds like you are working in the week so need the weekend to rest up. If you have space in your bedroom could you ask your son to get a tv that he could install (he could buy this and then take it to his new place when he’s found somewhere). Does your son clear up after himself and his dd? You shouldn’t be doing cleaning and washing for them.

The main issue is that you really don't want to share your home on a full-time basis. You were happy living alone.

I don't blame you - it's your home. What is your son contributing financially and practically? Or is he expecting to be "mummied" again?

He's old enough to have a child so also old enough to take responsibility. He needs to set a date for moving out and take your DGD out for a portion of the weekend in the meantime so you get a break.

It's not his home. He's lodging in his mother's home. Lodgers don't get priority.

It’s his home right now, and when his DD is with him, it’s her home too.

For the love of Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey! The woman has worked hard all her life and yo now want her to watch tv in her bedroom every weekend???

why can’t the son put a tv in his room and they watch in there, why isn’t he taking his daughter out for the day on Saturday and Sunday. It’s the middle of the summer, they could be doing anything but he’s so bloody low effort it’s the living room tv all weekend and once again it’s up to the woman to put herself out!

there’s absolutely no acknowledgment for this woman’s needs just as there never has been since the day she squeezed out her first child!

It's pretty clear that if your son doesn't have his daughter, then his mother will have to have her. And that would be 12 out of every 14 days if you'd only be happy with EOW at your house. Because that's where he's currently living.

You're being deliberately obtuse about what you're asking if your son lives with you. He needs to do his fair share of looking after his child. Frankly, 50/50 would be fairer to the girl's mother no doubt.

Ask your son to pay for and set up a tv and games in another room, the room he's using or your granddaughter is using when she's there. Or ask him to move out and don't expect to see much of either them going forward.

Spot on.

This.
A lot of these posters expecting constant self sacrifice from OP are probably in for a big surprise.

You’ve had alot of comments already, but I would like to agree with those saying he does the bare minimum of parenting already. This really is the very least he can be expected to have her - about 24 hours once a week. Only having that once a fortnight would be a tiny fraction of the childcare and unfair on everyone.

Please don’t discourage him from spending time with his child.

That said, it’s your home not his. So if this isn’t working for you, he needs to move out and get his own place. Then he can perhaps step up to having his child a bit more.

In the meantime, do they really never go out at weekends? I’d encourage them to do that. Re taking over the TV, he really shouldn’t be using all his time with her to watch TV - there should be a majority of the time when it’s not on. He also shouldn’t be passing the care of his dd on to you.

Encourage him to be much more active in his parenting of his child.

Also, as others have said, he’s not having her because ex works, he’s having her to be her parent.

Completely agree the issue lies with your son. He should taking his DD out for day trips, monitoring screen time/ communal area use and working to ensure the arrangement works for everyone. Do you find it tricky to discuss things with him?

OP as an observation, you mention how women should be supporting women in response to some of the harsher responses, and yet you’ve suggested the ex-partner (a women) should pick up your son’s slack and it’s your granddaughter getting in the way. You could take your own excellent advice imo, and focus your annoyance on your son.

Why should she be restricted to her bedroom in her house exactly?

On a practical note. Do you have a separate dining room that you’d be willing to be set up as livingroom two?

How long term is he meant to be lodging with you? It’s clearly not a long or even medium term solution. He needs his own space for him and his child and he should definitely be doing more parenting.

No-one knows how much ‘older’ you are though as you haven’t said.

You could be 45, 49, 59, 69 …

You answered your own post really in your OP, tbh. ‘I feel like saying …’. Yup, say it.