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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Granddaughter taking over weekends

569 replies

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:01

My son (29) has moved back in with me as he's split from gf. I have lived alone for the last few years and enjoy my peace. His ex has been working on a Saturday and so my granddaughter (9) is there every Saturday overnight till Sunday. They take over the living room and tv. I enjoyed the peace I had , time for hobbies that have now been put aside at the weekends, I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable. I am not the parent, obviously if something happened I would step up but it's just people putting others out cos they want what they want.

OP posts:
PeapodMcgee · 20/07/2025 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Don't be so fucking offensive. OP didn't choose this or cause this.

Her feelings are perfectly acceptable and she doesn't have to be a martyr to a shit man.

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 11:28

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:18

All day Saturday and Sunday. Thank you. Every week.

Show quote history

So your answer is the mother should be doing 12 days of care of every 14?
I still don’t understand why you allowed him to move into your home when he has a child you don’t want around.
Your son needs to move out and provide for his child.

Morgenrot25 · 20/07/2025 11:28

Tell him what you've written here.
It's your space and he needs to respect that. Surely he's perfectly able to take her out at the weekend and/or watch TV in his room sometime.

Original poster
ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:28

neverbeenskiing · 20/07/2025 11:25

When you agreed for your DS to move in with you did you not realise that meant your GC spending time at your house?

Yes. Every other weekend and holidays.....but it's a lot more than I expected.

OP posts:
Blueskies3 · 20/07/2025 11:29

Can you have your son put a timeline on him living with you?

Can you set up some seperate spaces in your home, i.e. your son has a tv in his room for kids shows or early mornings etc?

Can he do something regularly with his child so you know they will be out? I.e. Swimming Saturday morning, park on Sunday.

It is perfectly reasonable that you are finding it a bit much.

It sounds like he has moved in and he is expecting you to step up.

Ddakji · 20/07/2025 11:29

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:28

Yes. Every other weekend and holidays.....but it's a lot more than I expected.

Show quote history

So if your son is now doing more parenting than you feel comfortable with, ask him to leave.

Toodles89 · 20/07/2025 11:30

You aren't unreasonable, although this should have been discussed when he moved in.

He needs to get his own place, in the mean time take gc out a lot or rent a cheap airb&b for occasional nights with her.

Its great he has a relationship with his daughter and is supporting his ex. But it shouldn't impact you in ways you don't want.

NuffSaidSam · 20/07/2025 11:30

I totally understand where you're coming from.

I'd be very reluctant to suggest that the solution is that he see his daughter less though. There are so many shit dads out there, presumably you don't want him to be another one. He's already only doing the bare minimum with one night out of seven.

I think the solution is that your DS takes GD out for a chunk of time on each day. He could even take her away for the weekend once a month or something. Talk to your son and agree a schedule.

Original poster
ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:30

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 11:28

So your answer is the mother should be doing 12 days of care of every 14?
I still don’t understand why you allowed him to move into your home when he has a child you don’t want around.
Your son needs to move out and provide for his child.

Show quote history

You are judging me based on your own thoughts, of course I want her around but not every weekend.

OP posts:
BrentfordForever · 20/07/2025 11:30

Hodgemollar · 20/07/2025 11:28

So your answer is the mother should be doing 12 days of care of every 14?
I still don’t understand why you allowed him to move into your home when he has a child you don’t want around.
Your son needs to move out and provide for his child.

Show quote history

Cause she didn’t expect parenting for him means staying at home all day and taking over main tv in the evening.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 20/07/2025 11:30

Helianthusinbloom · 20/07/2025 11:08

Well let’s hope that he gets his own place quickly so you don’t have the chore of seeing your own granddaughter overnight once a week. You can then go back to your hobby which seems to be your priority over your family.

Quite. The cold cold attitude towards family on MN sometimes astounds me.

In my family grandparents tend to see their young grandchildren usually once a week. Because EVERYONE wants it. Poor kid.

amber763 · 20/07/2025 11:31

Wow I can't imagine my mum ever being like this about her grandchild being in the house and preventing her from watching TV or doing hobbies. It's your grandchild!

Yes, your son needs to work on finding his own place so you don't need to be bothered anymore. Talk to him about that and tell him how you feel about your grandchild being in the house two days a week and I think be prepared for no relationship with them when they go

Or get a TV in your room and relax in there for your shows and ask him to take her out during the day.

Your responses to previous posters are rude.

Original poster
ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:31

NuffSaidSam · 20/07/2025 11:30

I totally understand where you're coming from.

I'd be very reluctant to suggest that the solution is that he see his daughter less though. There are so many shit dads out there, presumably you don't want him to be another one. He's already only doing the bare minimum with one night out of seven.

I think the solution is that your DS takes GD out for a chunk of time on each day. He could even take her away for the weekend once a month or something. Talk to your son and agree a schedule.

Yes thank you, a voice of reason among all the judgments!

OP posts:
FakingItEasy · 20/07/2025 11:31

I"m not sure why you're saying it's your GD taking over your weekends? Surely if your GD wasn't there, your son would still be there, watching TV and being in your space?

You still haven't said what your hobbies are and how them being there prevents you from just doing them... Unless you're being expected to babysit GD? Or your hobby is watching TV?

KateMiskin · 20/07/2025 11:32

I don't think a grandmother should feel guilty at wanting every other weekend to herself. When does OP get to rest?

LoveSandbanks · 20/07/2025 11:33

Helianthusinbloom · 20/07/2025 11:08

Well let’s hope that he gets his own place quickly so you don’t have the chore of seeing your own granddaughter overnight once a week. You can then go back to your hobby which seems to be your priority over your family.

Woah, hang on a minute. The woman is used to living alone, she may well work full time and be used to an empty house at the weekend to do her own thing and now she works full time and has no space to do her own thing at weekends!

FFS women of a certain age have already raised our own children. We’re fucking knackered and the expectations are that we put our children’s needs and their children’s needs before our own FOREVER.

NO! We have our own wants and we want some fucking space to breathe after 20, 30 years plus of raising a family. But no, according to you we’re not even allowed a fucking hobby in our own homes!

sitting in the living room all weekend with the bloody tv on is hardly parenting. I get the granddaughter looks to the grandparent every time she’s hungry!

Heronwatcher · 20/07/2025 11:33

What were you expecting when your son moved in?

Do you work full time- is there no time in the week for hobbies? Surely 6 days of the week it’s just you two?

Do you not like spending time with your granddaughter and doing things with her? I’d honestly be making the most of the last bit of her “young” childhood.

There may be a few solutions to this in practical terms, such as creating a space where you can do hobbies in peace, encouraging your son to get his own place, mixing the activities up so you can join in. But I don’t think it’s fair to start suggesting he sees his own daughter less.

Original poster
ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:33

amber763 · 20/07/2025 11:31

Wow I can't imagine my mum ever being like this about her grandchild being in the house and preventing her from watching TV or doing hobbies. It's your grandchild!

Yes, your son needs to work on finding his own place so you don't need to be bothered anymore. Talk to him about that and tell him how you feel about your grandchild being in the house two days a week and I think be prepared for no relationship with them when they go

Or get a TV in your room and relax in there for your shows and ask him to take her out during the day.

Your responses to previous posters are rude.

Edited

I am responding like that as I am surprised by how judgmental people are when they know nothing much , it should be obvious to an adult that there is more to it than this

OP posts:
Jaws2025 · 20/07/2025 11:34

LoveSandbanks · 20/07/2025 11:33

Woah, hang on a minute. The woman is used to living alone, she may well work full time and be used to an empty house at the weekend to do her own thing and now she works full time and has no space to do her own thing at weekends!

FFS women of a certain age have already raised our own children. We’re fucking knackered and the expectations are that we put our children’s needs and their children’s needs before our own FOREVER.

NO! We have our own wants and we want some fucking space to breathe after 20, 30 years plus of raising a family. But no, according to you we’re not even allowed a fucking hobby in our own homes!

sitting in the living room all weekend with the bloody tv on is hardly parenting. I get the granddaughter looks to the grandparent every time she’s hungry!

Show quote history

Did you notice there's not a single mention of liking this child though, not "I love seeing her but not every weekend" or whatever.
Very detached

KateMiskin · 20/07/2025 11:34

The solution is for the son to take granddaughter out so OP can get a bit of space. Not see her less.

neverbeenskiing · 20/07/2025 11:35

I feel like saying this is my house and I don't want it every weekend. I feel every other weekend is reasonable.

"It"?

It is your house so you are, of course, entitled to make the rules. But I feel sad for the little girl who, in addition to the upheaval of separation, will now have to see her Dad less. If her DM is working then it would also be a shame if she had to quit her job because of this situation although I appreciate that's not your problem either.

TabbyCatInAPoolofSunshine · 20/07/2025 11:35

NuffSaidSam · 20/07/2025 11:30

I totally understand where you're coming from.

I'd be very reluctant to suggest that the solution is that he see his daughter less though. There are so many shit dads out there, presumably you don't want him to be another one. He's already only doing the bare minimum with one night out of seven.

I think the solution is that your DS takes GD out for a chunk of time on each day. He could even take her away for the weekend once a month or something. Talk to your son and agree a schedule.

This.

Ideally your 29 year old son needs to find his own place, with space to have his daughter more rather than less, pretty much yesterday.

Until he gets his act together he should continue to have her at the bare minimum the Saturday night each week, but should be far more considerate of you and take her out rather than take over your living room for the entire weekend. Watching TV all weekend is a bit rubbish for your granddaughter anyway.

ExtraOnions · 20/07/2025 11:36

…another MN day … another rage-bait post.

These posts go one of two ways:

  1. OP never comes back, and thread descends into people fighting with each other
  2. OP come back, being snipping and critical to people who disagree, in other words “winding them up” so the thread descends into fighting

In all of them, it’s not “AIBU” as the OP doesn’t think they are unreasonable … it’s just a Rage-Bait Post created for an argument

There are loads of them on here atm.

Heronwatcher · 20/07/2025 11:36

ThePerkyBiscuit · 20/07/2025 11:33

I am responding like that as I am surprised by how judgmental people are when they know nothing much , it should be obvious to an adult that there is more to it than this

Show quote history

If there is more to it then why don’t you set it out? People are just going on what you’ve said in your own posts where your first solution seems to be that your son does less parenting and sees his own daughter once a fortnight. Most people find that a bit odd.

Createausername1970 · 20/07/2025 11:36

I sympathise wholeheartedly, BUT....

In reality your son should be parenting his daughter equally with his ex. It sounds like this isn't the case at the moment?

It also very much depends on what was agreed at the time he moved back. Was it a permanent arrangement or just temporary while he sorted himself out.

If it's temporary, then just ride it out, but perhaps suggest to your son that if it's going to be for the foreseeable future, then you need not to feel excluded from your own living room. Board games and family film nights might be nice, as well as time for you to relax and do your hobbies too.

If it's going to be more permanent, then in reality the child should actually be with you more often and maybe a change of layout might be needed to give everyone their own space, including your granddaughter who will need space for homework etc in years to come.