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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

433 replies

Allcrisisnocalm · 18/07/2025 22:24

Fuck fuck fuck
my partners mum won’t last the night (totally unexpected)
i want to be with him - he’s 3 hours away
but I’m due to fly tomorrow morning to America with my three kids - first time they’ve been out to see my family there in 9 years - I have no family here other than my kids. Literally due to leave for the airport at 7am tomorrow

I don’t live with my partner so his mum my kids have only met once.

DP was due to join us a week later with his kids

I’ve checked the travel insurance policy with a fine tooth comb (am a lawyer) and defo won’t cover the mum of my partner as we’ve got separate insurance policies
my policy is just for me and my kids rather than a joint policy with partner

I don’t know what to do

I could maybe see if I can push the flights back 24 hours but it looks like it will be another £3k (same cost as original)

or send my 2 youngest with my 18 yr old and join in 24 hours? A huge responsibility for the eldest and im not sure im comfortable with it but could speak to eldest to see what she feels about it
youngest two are 11 and 15 so not babies
they’d be met by family

can’t work out the extra flight cost just for me but I think it will be around £1k , that’s not great but better than £3k but I don’t know if I can send my kids alone

fuck fuck fuck

OP posts:
Velvian · 18/07/2025 22:25

What does your partner think?

TomatoSandwiches · 18/07/2025 22:26

Does he have any family with him?

VeryStressedMum · 18/07/2025 22:27

How long have you been with your partner is this a very serious relationship?

tryinghi778 · 18/07/2025 22:28

Such a tricky situation but I think you go and try and support him the best you can remotely. When will you be back? Does he have other family around him? Could you cut your holiday a little shorter so you could be back to support in time for funeral etc? Xx

Ilovemychocolate · 18/07/2025 22:28

If they are going to be met by family and your partner needs you, send the kids and join them after 24 hours?
But as above, what would your partner want you to do?

lovemetomybones · 18/07/2025 22:29

American immigration sounds horrendous currently I absolutely wouldn’t let my kids go to America alone. I think your options are to either go all together as long planned or take the 3k hit. Does your partner have any other relatives who can support him?

suki1964 · 18/07/2025 22:30

What is sitting around for 24 hours going to change?

Where I am, we bury within 3 days, so 24hrs is a big deal. But most of the UK you are looking 2 to three weeks

So what in reality is staying here another day going to achieve ?

Howtotrainarabbit · 18/07/2025 22:30

I think you need to at least speak to him and see how he feels. It seems unfair on the kids to cancel the holiday but things happen and it would be a bit shitty if you to make the decision without even speaking to your partner. If he has other family around then I'd expect you can leave him more so than if he's alone.

Cynic17 · 18/07/2025 22:30

Agreed - ask your partner. He will have so much to do, just from a practical point of view, that it may just be easier for you to go away so that he can stay home and get on with what he needs to do. I'd probably go, in your shoes, unless he strongly insists that you stay.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/07/2025 22:30

No advice at all but that sounds absolutely awful, I’m so sorry 💐

BBQBertha · 18/07/2025 22:31

Kids come first!

nomas · 18/07/2025 22:31

You should prioritise your kids and take them on holiday.

She is dying, staying in the UK won’t keep her. She is surrounded by her family.

Qoopwhooping · 18/07/2025 22:31

Go with your children as planned. Your children are more importan.

thelakeisle · 18/07/2025 22:31

They'll have such a fantastic time in America. Originally said speak to your boyfriend about it, but no, this is a one off trip for them, you staying won't change your boyfriend's situation, your kids come first. Go.

Original poster
Allcrisisnocalm · 18/07/2025 22:31

I’m not sure what he wants he’s only just found out she’s dying and we’ve only communicated by text so far as he hasn’t been able to ring yet

he’s got his adult kids and two siblings at the hosp

i would obviously drop everything in any other circumstances

we’ve been together 8 years

im away for 2 weeks but he was due to join for the second week

OP posts:
kiwiane · 18/07/2025 22:31

Go on holiday - you can keep in touch and you have to look after your children and put them first.

BootballJoy · 18/07/2025 22:32

I used to regularly fly unaccompanied minor from the age of 9 alone, the airline helped look after me, not sure if that's still a thing? I flew without that service from aged 15 so would think your eldest two wouldn't need it anyway.

Sorry about your situation. I think if you could take your kids to the airport and especially if it's a direct flight they'd be fine in any case by themselves, and you could join later?

PopThatBench · 18/07/2025 22:32

My first thought was to just go 😬
I wouldn’t send the kids by themselves.
Has partner made any comments asking you to stay/postpone?
It’s a hard one but it’s not exactly a quick flight to Spain.
Could you 4 still go and your partner join you as planned?

OurBeautifulBaby · 18/07/2025 22:32

Go on the trip.
As harsh as it sounds he is your boyfriend and your own family should come first.

ButteredRadish · 18/07/2025 22:33

I went to Canada alone when I was 15 and America alone when I was 18 and each of those trips involved two changes. I didn’t have any staff meet me either but it was still absolutely fine! Immigration see rich kids travelling alone to visit a parent abroad alllll the time.
However I would just go on the flight with the kids. Your partner is an adult and you can support him remotely- especially if the flight has WiFi. Your kids come first.

Sailing8 · 18/07/2025 22:33

JFC don’t send your kids to the US alone! It’s horrible timing but ultimately your responsibility is to your children - I think you should go on the trip as planned and check in with your DP as much as you can by phone.

Moveoverdarlin · 18/07/2025 22:33

I would go on holiday. There is only so much you can do. He has adult children and his siblings.

thelakeisle · 18/07/2025 22:33

They'd of course be perfectly safe flying alone and when they get there - but it's too much to ask the older kids to organise everything at the other end as though they were the parent.

If it was the other way around you'd tell him to go, so just expect the same level of understanding from him as you would give to him, and go.

Original poster
Allcrisisnocalm · 18/07/2025 22:33

When my mum died my ex husband (husband at the time) was awful so unsupportive and I never forgave him
but that was total lack of empathy and emotional support
I would like to give it in person but obviously would give it remotely as well (unlike the ex)

when my best friend died suddenly my partner rushed to be with me 5 hours drive

OP posts:
aWeeCornishPastie · 18/07/2025 22:34

Go with your kids don’t let them down

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