Partners mum is going to die tonight but im meant to be taking my kids on holiday tomorrow

[Allcrisisnocalm]

Fuck fuck fuck
my partners mum won’t last the night (totally unexpected)
i want to be with him - he’s 3 hours away
but I’m due to fly tomorrow morning to America with my three kids - first time they’ve been out to see my family there in 9 years - I have no family here other than my kids. Literally due to leave for the airport at 7am tomorrow

I don’t live with my partner so his mum my kids have only met once.

DP was due to join us a week later with his kids

I’ve checked the travel insurance policy with a fine tooth comb (am a lawyer) and defo won’t cover the mum of my partner as we’ve got separate insurance policies
my policy is just for me and my kids rather than a joint policy with partner

I don’t know what to do

I could maybe see if I can push the flights back 24 hours but it looks like it will be another £3k (same cost as original)

or send my 2 youngest with my 18 yr old and join in 24 hours? A huge responsibility for the eldest and im not sure im comfortable with it but could speak to eldest to see what she feels about it
youngest two are 11 and 15 so not babies
they’d be met by family

can’t work out the extra flight cost just for me but I think it will be around £1k , that’s not great but better than £3k but I don’t know if I can send my kids alone

fuck fuck fuck

Honestly? If he has family support just go. It’s a huge loss but a very personal one and I feel like close family trumps partners at this time of life.

But he didn't have to choose to stop his children going on a once in a life time trip. In three weeks time you will regret not going, and your kids will be terribly upset. You staying changes nothing, if it was the other way around you'd tell him to go.

Your kids are more important than your boyfriend, you should go.

no wifi on the flight - Norse airlines - budget! But a ticket on Sunday instead of Saturday is still £1000 more than what I paid months ago - I’d have to pay the difference

If have a chat with oldest about how comfortable they are with it.

and if they know your staying an extra day for serious matter behaviour shouldn’t be too bad.
but ifildest is comfortable you have. To go but I’d try to be there if you can. It would probably mean the world

They would be met by family, they’d just have to go through immigration

A 24 hour delay will make no difference and cancelling it all together or pushing it back is unfair on your kids.

This. Put your children first. You can't send them to the US on their own!

Ah that’s tricky then. Nothing cheaper ?!

You should go. He should understand. Does he have other supportive people around him? Family and friends?
The timing is terrible and I really feel for you, but ultimately you should prioritise your kids.

I would also go, for your kids sakes.

Whilst you’d be a comfort to your boyfriend, you staying behind isn’t going to change the outcome or leave him alone in grief, he has his kids and siblings. You’ll be back in 2 weeks and can help with other aspects then.

a lot of this depends on what your boyfriend wants though and just how hard he’s going to be taking this. His poor mum x

How do your kids feel about being left alone to travel? It seems like a massive responsibility.

People telling you they travelled when 15 etc it’s totally irrelevant as times have changed.

I wouldnt go, surprised at these responses. Although OP you havent clarified how long you've been together/quality of your relationship

If its very long term and he is utterly supportive of you as you have said about your friend dying, I would want to support him, a holiday is not the same as someone dying and suporting your partner through that. You have scope to send the kids alone and go slightly later, thats what I would do if you're confident in them.

If he is a fly by night relationship that you dont have a lot of confidence in, well thats different.

Going through immigration in the us is not hard unless they have something to look for. it will be, why are you here, fingerprints and going through.

make sure they’ve deleted any social media posts if they need to.

You should still go on holiday. You staying behind won't change anything.

Go on the trip. He has his family with him

I really would love to support him but I’m just not sure about the kids going alone
I’m going to speak to my eldest now

If the cost of changing your flight is the same as buying fresh, can you take your kids and deposit them safely, and consider flying back for a few days after you have managed to speak to him and fixed a proper plan? Realistically now it’s just too late; your kids have presumably gone to bed expecting an early morning flight and no doubt very excited. You have no option but to take them.

You need to go with your kids. Sorry, I know you want to be with your partner but immigration here right now is nuts and not something I would want an 18 year old alone with younger kids to try to navigate.

It sounds like your partner is well supported and has his own family there and it's very sad, but really, he is a grown-up and your first duty is to your kids. You have an 11 year old. What were you going to do with them if you did travel three hours to see your partner anyway?

You can’t send them to America alone right now, their immigration is unhinged at the minute. I’m saying this as the mum of white/Indian boys, I’d be terrified.

realistically you aren’t going to get a proper conversation with him tonight, but you have been together 8 years, is he more practical or emotional in an emergency?

Take your kids on holiday.
I say this as someone who has lost a parent, at quite a young age, and firmly learnt that life is for living when you can.
Hopefully your partner will have fanily support around.

Your kids come first.

your partner has his family with him and you’re not covered by insurance.

go, he can cancel and get the money back

Same. They’ve been together 8 years ffs and his mum is dying finding 24 hours for him
if it’s not burdensome isn’t unreasonable especially as he has made a similar effort.

of it will cost £1k and that’s a loot of money in your circumstances then you can’t but if not why not try?

i’d give them a call @Allcrisisnocalm I was quoted 500 to change a flight online I called the company and they guy on the phone took off all the admin fees and charged £100

I don't think staying one day will be particularly helpful tbh. Unless you cancel the entire trip to be with him until after the funeral it seems pointless. He has his children and other family with him so I think you should go with your children unless he badly wants you to stay. Rotten timing though.

Ok yes this is true
I also flew to the US on my own from early secondary age but I had an airline escort until about 14 and by then I was a seasoned traveller
my kids haven’t flown long haul for many years