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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of my boring partner?

187 replies

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:42

Totally prepared to be flamed by saying this but that's what an anonymous forum is for. AIBU to just be fed up of how boring my partner is??

I'll start off by saying by no means am I adventurous but we've got 1 life and it should be at least enjoyed a little.
My DP just seems to have no interest in doing anything, he doesn't drink, fair enough so that's pubs/clubs out of the equation, he's overweight so hardly ever wants to eat out as he's on a diet constantly. He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask. He likes football but doesn't enjoy watching it in person or at the pub. He won't go to a concert/music event.

We actually do nothing together and I dont know if I am being unreasonable for being fed up or if he should make more effort. We have nothing in common but im willing to compromise, I'd go to a football match or I'd love him to come to a music event, he doesn't have to love it, it would just be spending that time together.

I have to almost beg him for a day out to the seaside because there are always reasons why he doesn't want to do something. Yet if I do ever do something without having asking he sulks as to why he wasn't invited. I don't miss out because I end up doing these things with friends, but honestly we've been together 7 years and if I have to endure this forever what is the point!?

OP posts:
tumblingdowntherabbithole · 18/07/2025 17:44

Why did you start a family with him if you find him so boring?

BillytheMountain · 18/07/2025 17:46

Was it always like this? It sounds exhausting and dull. What got you two together in the first place?

newfriend05 · 18/07/2025 17:48

Your’ve been together 7 years and have a 6 year old .. you didn’t really know him before you had your child .. how old are you ?

Original poster
Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:49

I dont regret my DD but i certainly wouldn't have had children with him if I'd known more what he was like. I fell pregnant unexpectedly after the first time I slept with him. Yes cliché I know.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 18/07/2025 17:49

What are his good points?

Sounds grim... I just couldn't look forward to the rest of my life if I was feeling this!

SpryCat · 18/07/2025 17:50

Are you in a position to leave him?

Original poster
Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:53

newfriend05 · 18/07/2025 17:48

Your’ve been together 7 years and have a 6 year old .. you didn’t really know him before you had your child .. how old are you ?

Nearly 40. I did know him beforehand as a friend, he used to go to pubs as that's where we met, i think he's just outgrown that scene which is fine but he doesn't enjoy doing anything else.

OP posts:
Persistpercy · 18/07/2025 17:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Persistpercy · 18/07/2025 17:54

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

MeganM3 · 18/07/2025 17:57

Sounds like you’ve outgrown him. Or it isn’t a good match. This can’t be the person you want to share your life with?
What are your options?

Original poster
Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:57

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

It's true I won't argue, but as I said i don't regret my DD, I had fertility issues with an ex and honestly never thought I'd conceive again. And I was on the pill so a pregnancy was absolutely not expected.

But yes it was careless.

OP posts:
Sharptonguedwoman · 18/07/2025 17:58

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

How does that help?

Persistpercy · 18/07/2025 17:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 18/07/2025 18:03

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:49

I dont regret my DD but i certainly wouldn't have had children with him if I'd known more what he was like. I fell pregnant unexpectedly after the first time I slept with him. Yes cliché I know.

That doesn't explain why you're still together seven years down the line, though.

Original poster
Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

He works full time (9-5 job) he's not a high earner and neither am I so we don't have a ton of money floating about but I think that's just all the more reason to spend our money wisely on planning & enjoying doing something once in a while.
He doesn't have alot of friends, he spends his free time going to the gym or watching the TV or his phone. He used to play a sport but cut down on that over the years and now doesn't do it.

OP posts:
ThatLoudBear · 18/07/2025 18:09

Genuinely, why are you still with him?

Original poster
Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:09

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

I've known him for about 18 years, first as an acquaintance then as closer friends over the years, we used to text/chat on the phone mostly & meet at the pub occasionally.

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 18/07/2025 18:12

OP look his lazy parenting and not going out anywhere is modelling bad relationships etc for your DC

I would use this situation as an ultimatum that things have to change. If they don’t you need to make sure you can follow through.

Devilsmommy · 18/07/2025 18:18

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

Edited

Sorry to derail a bit but I'm not a superman fan but I actually ended up enjoying the new movie. Hopefully you'll be the same. OP you need to tell him that you're not living the rest of your life doing nothing as a couple of as a family. So he needs to step up his game or be ready for the inevitable divorce because the resentment is just going to keep festering year on year

Original poster
Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:19

He has never been abroad and has no interest in going, if we were to go it would mean having to book well ahead and save up the money but he's not bothered at all.

We haven't been out as a couple just the two of us since July last year.

OP posts:
SixteenClovesOfGarlic · 18/07/2025 18:28

What's the point in this non-relationship? Are you dependent him for housing or finances?
If not, go and enjoy life and co-parent your child.
The only reason to have a boyfriend is for your life to be enhanced, easier, and fun. That's the whole point. This bloke has failed.

SleepQuest33 · 18/07/2025 18:32

Sounds like you together by default/accident. Did you fancy him all those years you knew him as a friend?

coukd he be a bit depressed? I know that can really affect our desire to do anything!

I think you have 3 choices:
1- if you really care about him and want to save the situation, talk to him calmly about how you are feeling and see what you can do to motivate him.

2- accept the situation and just co parent in the same house but living separate lives

3- accept there is no way forward and leave

which one does your gut feel is the right one?

Ontobetterthings · 18/07/2025 18:34

Why does he not want to go abroad? He does sound really boring!

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