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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of my boring partner?

187 replies

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:42

Totally prepared to be flamed by saying this but that's what an anonymous forum is for. AIBU to just be fed up of how boring my partner is??

I'll start off by saying by no means am I adventurous but we've got 1 life and it should be at least enjoyed a little.
My DP just seems to have no interest in doing anything, he doesn't drink, fair enough so that's pubs/clubs out of the equation, he's overweight so hardly ever wants to eat out as he's on a diet constantly. He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask. He likes football but doesn't enjoy watching it in person or at the pub. He won't go to a concert/music event.

We actually do nothing together and I dont know if I am being unreasonable for being fed up or if he should make more effort. We have nothing in common but im willing to compromise, I'd go to a football match or I'd love him to come to a music event, he doesn't have to love it, it would just be spending that time together.

I have to almost beg him for a day out to the seaside because there are always reasons why he doesn't want to do something. Yet if I do ever do something without having asking he sulks as to why he wasn't invited. I don't miss out because I end up doing these things with friends, but honestly we've been together 7 years and if I have to endure this forever what is the point!?

OP posts:
polltyr54 · 19/07/2025 00:34

life is like an ice cream enjoy it before it melts

SnowFrogJelly · 19/07/2025 00:35

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

Edited

Not when the film is rubbish!

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 19/07/2025 01:20

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

Oh do fuck off. DD turned up 10 months into our relationship despite both condoms and the pill. Contraception fails sometimes.

thelakeisle · 19/07/2025 01:23

You don't have to endure it forever. You know the answer.

Figgygal · 19/07/2025 04:53

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 18:19

He has never been abroad and has no interest in going, if we were to go it would mean having to book well ahead and save up the money but he's not bothered at all.

We haven't been out as a couple just the two of us since July last year.

That would be it for me never been abroad????? No interest in the world around him - what a non life

Split for your own sake and enjoy your daughter

Pricelessadvice · 19/07/2025 07:13

Why are you still with him?
Do you want this to be the rest of your life?

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 19/07/2025 07:15

Dunno why you're together tbh, given you weren't in a relationship when you got pregnant. The answer is, no, you don't have to stay together. Just leave. Or ask him to leave. Who wants to be with a boring, sulky man. Doesn't sound like either of you are happy.

Alltheyellowbirds · 19/07/2025 07:39

shuggles · 19/07/2025 00:10

@Username0900 Most men, that age and older, are boring. That's the consequence of being used as society's punchbag for decades; you don't want to socialise anymore and you simply isolate yourself from everyone else.

The solution here may be to socialise with your own friends. Is that an option? Your friends can be for friendship, and your partner's role can be someone to build your life with.

Eh? No they’re not. I don’t know one man who’s like that. Not my friends, my brother, my dad, my colleagues or any of my exes… They all spend time with their partners and children, they go on holidays, have hobbies, have friends. I think you know the wrong men!

Youlookgorge · 19/07/2025 07:45

I just cannot understand why he doesn't want ro take DD to do nice family things- like petting farm, beach, soft play, swimming, whatever activities she is into, do you take her by herself and he just stays at home?

And have a nice meal out once a month with you? Maybe somewhere more on the healthy end.

We aren't going on holidays abroad as have 2 under 3 and don't fancy the journeys, and are doing up two houses so can't be away too long and monies are going elsewhere

I don't really sees what he brings to this relationship in all honesty. He doesn't earn much so he is not even providing that well.

Are you married? If not I would ask him to leave and start creating a new life for you and DD

beAsensible1 · 19/07/2025 07:47

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:49

I dont regret my DD but i certainly wouldn't have had children with him if I'd known more what he was like. I fell pregnant unexpectedly after the first time I slept with him. Yes cliché I know.

You don’t have to be with him just because you got pregnant you know?

purplehair1 · 19/07/2025 07:55

I was going to suggest exercising together- especially as he’s overweight but I see he goes to the gym. Fun run? Park run? Something you could do with your six year old? Half marathon? I did one with my ex and it was kind of bonding having a shared goal.

IDespairOfTheHumanRace · 19/07/2025 08:29

shuggles · 19/07/2025 00:10

@Username0900 Most men, that age and older, are boring. That's the consequence of being used as society's punchbag for decades; you don't want to socialise anymore and you simply isolate yourself from everyone else.

The solution here may be to socialise with your own friends. Is that an option? Your friends can be for friendship, and your partner's role can be someone to build your life with.

A very strong smell of bitterness and incel vibes here!

WhichCity2visit · 19/07/2025 08:38

I feel your frustration !

We enjoyed being in a park yesterday
Parents walking with their young children on bicycles (learning to cycle)
Parents feeding the ducks & fish with their children
Families sitting at cafes having icecream & drinks
Families at the outside gyms & children's play areas
We listened to the buskers playing music
People exercising, relaxing
This is all normal behaviour
It was a lovely day

His actions show that he has no interest in you or your child

How will your child learn if they have no interaction with other people or places ?

I would do a test
Give him 3 more opportunities to do something normal together with your child outside the home.
If he gives you 3 NOs
The answer is that you split & build a better life for you & your child.

Life is too short to be miserable

Your life would be better on your own !

Good luck

RabbitsRock · 19/07/2025 08:41

What do you say to him when you are going to do something without him & he complains he’s never invited? And do you feel you have to ask his permission to do stuff on your own?

Hahabonk · 19/07/2025 08:44

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

What’s the point of this? Someone comes asking for advice and all you can do is criticise her. Are you always this unpleasant?

Springtimehere · 19/07/2025 08:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

yakkity · 19/07/2025 08:55

The whole picture needs to be looked at. Usually it is not one person dramatically changing but a gradual evolution of both people and the relationship in a negative spiral. That’s why once they are in a different relationship they are completely different.

how is your intimate life? Did you criticise his early attempts at parenting? Were there constant ‘correcting’ of his domestic contributions early on in the relationship.

I see it all the time. Then of course due to the frequent criticism and nitpicking his reluctance and disconnection grows then the intimacy wanes even further because no woman wants to have sex with a man she feels isn’t pulling his weight and the spiral continues.

if you honestly look at the situation has there been a downward spiral due to both people feeling resentment and criticism that has caused further spiralling until it has got to this point?

dottiedodah · 19/07/2025 08:56

TBH He sounds a little depressed.I think maybe if he isnt willing to seek help then you have to cut your losses really.If a day out to the seaside is too ardous for him,then its no life for you and DC.Maybe say to him that you want things to change

Zempy · 19/07/2025 09:13

You don’t have to drink alcohol to enjoy socialising and going to a pub. He sounds very dull.

However, you write as though you are totally dependent on him for your social life. Do you not have friends you can go out with? On holiday with? You could go away with DC and have a great time.

Something is keeping you tied to this man. If it’s lack of confidence, you need to build that up by branching out and demonstrating that you really don’t need him.

Imbusytodaysorry · 19/07/2025 09:15

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

Do you feel better. Being a judgemental twat isn’t something to be happy about.
It’s rather embarrassing.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 19/07/2025 09:32

You know you need to break this off OP. You say you are 40 and have known him 18 years. I assume he is roughly the same age? And he is already a miserable grumpy curmudgeon. Men don't usually get like this til at least 55!

Seriously though, you need to leave for the sake of your daughter too. She doesn't want to see her mum miserable and blue, living a half life because of her tedious boring mood-hoover of a father.

I know it wasn't ideal conceiving when you did (so early on in the relationship,) but I'm so pleased that you got a lovely little daughter, after some years of struggling to conceive. Look after yourself and your little girl 😘

yellowdress34 · 19/07/2025 09:40

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

Edited

Great reply.

BeenzManeenz · 19/07/2025 09:42

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

Oh pack it in, that's unhelpful and you know it. Did you have a bad night's sleep or are you always just a judgemental sausage?!

To the OP.....I don't drink but don't mind the occasional pub visit, must admit it is slightly jarring being around drunk people after a certain point though.

If you want to stay with him I'd suggest some therapy? Quite often where people have kids without planning to there is a mismatch on values and outlooks. You need to work out if you're compatible longer term, and maybe your DP doesn't realise quite how miserable you are. It sounds awful tbf.

Ginmonkeyagain · 19/07/2025 10:00

This is not an age thing or a man thing, it is a him thing.

What exactly are his plans for the rest of his life? To rot in front of the TV for thr next 40 years.

Daygloboo · 19/07/2025 10:34

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:42

Totally prepared to be flamed by saying this but that's what an anonymous forum is for. AIBU to just be fed up of how boring my partner is??

I'll start off by saying by no means am I adventurous but we've got 1 life and it should be at least enjoyed a little.
My DP just seems to have no interest in doing anything, he doesn't drink, fair enough so that's pubs/clubs out of the equation, he's overweight so hardly ever wants to eat out as he's on a diet constantly. He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask. He likes football but doesn't enjoy watching it in person or at the pub. He won't go to a concert/music event.

We actually do nothing together and I dont know if I am being unreasonable for being fed up or if he should make more effort. We have nothing in common but im willing to compromise, I'd go to a football match or I'd love him to come to a music event, he doesn't have to love it, it would just be spending that time together.

I have to almost beg him for a day out to the seaside because there are always reasons why he doesn't want to do something. Yet if I do ever do something without having asking he sulks as to why he wasn't invited. I don't miss out because I end up doing these things with friends, but honestly we've been together 7 years and if I have to endure this forever what is the point!?

Àre you sure he goes to the gym and isn't having an affair. Especially if he goes to the gym and doesn't seem to lose weight or change shape.