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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be fed up of my boring partner?

187 replies

Username0900 · 18/07/2025 17:42

Totally prepared to be flamed by saying this but that's what an anonymous forum is for. AIBU to just be fed up of how boring my partner is??

I'll start off by saying by no means am I adventurous but we've got 1 life and it should be at least enjoyed a little.
My DP just seems to have no interest in doing anything, he doesn't drink, fair enough so that's pubs/clubs out of the equation, he's overweight so hardly ever wants to eat out as he's on a diet constantly. He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask. He likes football but doesn't enjoy watching it in person or at the pub. He won't go to a concert/music event.

We actually do nothing together and I dont know if I am being unreasonable for being fed up or if he should make more effort. We have nothing in common but im willing to compromise, I'd go to a football match or I'd love him to come to a music event, he doesn't have to love it, it would just be spending that time together.

I have to almost beg him for a day out to the seaside because there are always reasons why he doesn't want to do something. Yet if I do ever do something without having asking he sulks as to why he wasn't invited. I don't miss out because I end up doing these things with friends, but honestly we've been together 7 years and if I have to endure this forever what is the point!?

OP posts:
RabbitsRock · 20/07/2025 06:54

DH is early 60s & has no friends - it bothers me way more than it does him. He rarely socialises with my friends either.

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 11:59

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

Hope you have a good view there sitting up on that high horse of yours 🙄…
If you haven’t anything nice or helpful to say , don’t talk !

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 12:04

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

Edited

I think this is really good advice OP …

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2025 12:25

You don’t get to control what others post @Missj25 🙄

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 12:44

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2025 12:25

You don’t get to control what others post @Missj25 🙄

Yeah , that’s true , I apologise for saying “ don’t talk “ ..
Your comment wasn’t helpful though …

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2025 12:52

Might help someone else not make the same choices. So fed up of women getting together with awful men, having children with them and then complaining their man is still awful.

99bottlesofkombucha · 20/07/2025 12:55

I think you should make a last ditch effort to get him to parent- without you. ‘Hey I’m going to be late Tuesday so you need to collect dd, feed her dinner and put her to bed.’
‘Saturday you need to take dd to the park, about 10am is good probably. You need to spend more time with her and this is a good start.’

shuggles · 20/07/2025 14:26

@Skittles123456 Don’t make generalisations based on your own experience.

That's what I'm saying to you.

T1Dmama · 20/07/2025 14:55

@Username0900 are you in a position where you could leave ? Is the house yours or his? Rented or buying?

T1Dmama · 20/07/2025 14:59

Depending on that… I’d either tell him it’s not working and you’re moving out:want him to move out… if he moved in with you and the house is in your name just ask him to leave…. Your relationship seems miserable, you’re only together because it felt like the ‘right thing to do’ because you had a baby…. Maybe you’ll both be happier apart!!
When me and my ex split I was so torn because of our DD…. But she has since said several times that she wishes if kicked him out years ago! She could see his blatant lack of interest in her/me!

Mugsey62 · 20/07/2025 17:35

Wolfiefan · 18/07/2025 17:49

Not a cliche. Careless and irresponsible.

Ouch! Just as well you aren't a judgemental type of person.

WhichCity2visit · 20/07/2025 19:14

Some pubs have play apparatus in their gardens for children

Pubs for quiz nights

Pubs for live music

Pubs for other club meet ups, find on local Facebook or library

Pubs sell alcohol free beer, cider, wine, even guiness

Do a charity walk together, include your child

Go swimming together

So many things

Yes, I do know people that have no or few friends

People need to make an effort to get out of their comfort zone & do or go somewhere different

ChaliceinWonderland · 20/07/2025 19:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Jesus that sounds shit

Missj25 · 20/07/2025 20:57

ChaliceinWonderland · 20/07/2025 19:19

Jesus that sounds shit

Show quote history

PP , how come your husband changed so much ?
Like you’re talking changed into a completely different human !

BellissimoGecko · 20/07/2025 20:59

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

Edited

This.

Properjob · 20/07/2025 22:18

RabbitsRock · 20/07/2025 06:54

DH is early 60s & has no friends - it bothers me way more than it does him. He rarely socialises with my friends either.

I know so many women i their 60s with men like this. They just depend totally on their wife for all company. With the exception of family. Many men dont have friends,they just tinker alone in a shed (some work hard in gardens, etc) possibly watch war movies about Spitfires. Yawn. Tbh my newish partner is s bit like this but he willingly does anything I suggest and at least runs a business still. Most men have a bit missing IMHO.

Neevo · 20/07/2025 22:33

He sounds depressed, have you asked him if he’s ok?

asrl78 · 21/07/2025 11:36

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2025 12:25

You don’t get to control what others post @Missj25 🙄

Posting a disapproving opinion is not the same as trying to control someone. Freedom of speech does NOT mean freedom from comebacks.

LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway · 21/07/2025 11:54

Wolfiefan · 20/07/2025 12:52

Might help someone else not make the same choices. So fed up of women getting together with awful men, having children with them and then complaining their man is still awful.

Do you really think the man is 'awful' when they first get with them, and marry them? FFS! 🙄 Women aren't stupid! Men change when they're married, and especially when the woman becomes pregnant, and has children. Tale as old as time. Men not revealing their true nature until they've got the woman trapped.

.

Original poster
Username0900 · 21/07/2025 12:07

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/07/2025 17:55

I think you need to put it on the table as a dealbreaker and that you see his complete lack of interest in doing anything as either a couple or a family as meaning the relationship is reaching the end of the line for you. He’s chosen to have a partner and a baby, and that means he needs to nurture both of those relationships, even if he doesn’t love ever hour of it. He’s being selfish, and selfishness breeds justified resentment. Even many of his reasons are really just excuses: you can go to the pub together and he can have a soft drink; he could have a chicken salad at a restaurant; he can sit next to you on the park bench whilst DD plays with the other kids, no “child socialising” required of him; the important bit is each other’s company.

DH and I are going to see the new Superman movie at the weekend. Do I love Superman? No, I don’t love Superman: but it’s an evening out together and we’ll enjoy the walk to the cinema, and I’ll be able to rib him about being a big child and we can laugh at the inevitable daft bits of the plot over a drink afterwards. Your OH should be able to see the same joy in that.

Edited

The cinema is probably one of the only things he does enjoy, but we don't go a lot due to cost and only with DD so always a child appropriate film.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 21/07/2025 12:13

Yep. Time again I see comments on here about how they wouldn’t do any housework etc etc. Weren’t a great partner. Then a woman is surprised when they don’t make a great dad.
People do change but if you date for a decent amount of time before marrying then you can see the husband a man would become.

Original poster
Username0900 · 21/07/2025 12:20

Ontobetterthings · 18/07/2025 18:34

Why does he not want to go abroad? He does sound really boring!

I honestly don't know, aside from cost which I've said if we put aside some money every month we could afford it in probably a year/18 months if we both committed to the saving.
As he's never been he doesn't know what he's missing out on so i think he just views it like that, he doesn't even want to travel the UK, we've been on a couple of caravan holidays in the past but he will only go to our nearest coast as anywhere different/further is a waste of petrol, money etc etc.
My DM didn't drive when i was young and we never travelled the UK so I'd love to explore more, i've seen some places now through work but id love to explore more with DP.

OP posts:
Original poster
Username0900 · 21/07/2025 12:29

Neevo · 20/07/2025 22:33

He sounds depressed, have you asked him if he’s ok?

He really doesn't discus his feelings but if i ask he says he's fine. He's very hard to read as he's always quite neutral is the only way i could describe it, never appears to be overly happy or particularly sad, he just has levels of grumpiness and has always been this way.

OP posts:
Lsquiggles · 21/07/2025 12:31

It sounds like you're better suited as friends. I think you'd both get to live the lives you wanted if you were apart.

pinkyredrose · 21/07/2025 13:44

He sounds a right stick in the mud. That along with his grumpiness would have me running. It's not much of a life is it.

Is he boring in other areas too, ie. eating the same food, sex always missionary etc?