To be fed up of my boring partner?

[Username0900]

Totally prepared to be flamed by saying this but that's what an anonymous forum is for. AIBU to just be fed up of how boring my partner is??

I'll start off by saying by no means am I adventurous but we've got 1 life and it should be at least enjoyed a little.
My DP just seems to have no interest in doing anything, he doesn't drink, fair enough so that's pubs/clubs out of the equation, he's overweight so hardly ever wants to eat out as he's on a diet constantly. He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask. He likes football but doesn't enjoy watching it in person or at the pub. He won't go to a concert/music event.

We actually do nothing together and I dont know if I am being unreasonable for being fed up or if he should make more effort. We have nothing in common but im willing to compromise, I'd go to a football match or I'd love him to come to a music event, he doesn't have to love it, it would just be spending that time together.

I have to almost beg him for a day out to the seaside because there are always reasons why he doesn't want to do something. Yet if I do ever do something without having asking he sulks as to why he wasn't invited. I don't miss out because I end up doing these things with friends, but honestly we've been together 7 years and if I have to endure this forever what is the point!?

He sounds like a complete blob! Move on and live your life. Do whatever it takes to set an example to your DC. Life is for living.

@Alltheyellowbirds Is this something you’re struggling with yourself?

I am an over 30 who does not have friends, but this is something that has now become an ingrained part of my personality so I do not wish to change it.

he sounds a bit down tbh. Not finding interest or joy in anything and having some weight to loose but not seeming to ever lose it. He may need a bit of emotional support

@AtBeaverGoat didn’t mean to sound patronising - I am genuinely pleased for you that you don’t struggle for friends , as I know many that do .

Is he bored too? Probably. Surely it's best to ask him and sort out what you both want to do next with your lives, together or apart.

The killer for me is him “not enjoying the socialising that comes with having a 6 year old” and so not going to the park, libraries etc. it isn’t about whether he enjoys it, his enjoyment is utterly irrelevant. If he doesn’t see that then he is a total waste of space and I’d move on.

Is that because you don’t see it as possible, or that you are genuinely happier without?

Honestly, life is too short to put up with this. Split up and enjoy life

Why are you still with him?

It seems alien to me now. To me, having friends seems like something that children and teens do. I wouldn't say I'm more or less happier because I don't have a basis for comparison.

Utter bollocks! You are clearly very, very bitter about something

Judgemental or what !!!🤬

I agree. @shuggles what on earth are you going on about? Men are punching bags? Have you had a bad experience as a man or something?

Being a homebody is one thing but he has a kid so he can't just opt out of parenting. Is he very overweight? I was wondering if he was v insecure about it which would explain the not wanting to see ppl. Or possibly some kind of anxiety or depression as it seems like he's not always been like this. I would suggest talking to him about stepping up with his child if you haven't already and socialising without him (keep up with your own friends and family yourself, don't let him stop you doing that). If you've given him a chance and talked about it and still nothing changes, it's probably not going to work longterm.

I hope this doesn’t sound patronising, but that to me is really sad. Friendship isn’t just something for children.

I hope you have family at least.

Just tell him how you feel. Either something changes or you get a divorce. You’ve tried to make the relationship work but he needs to put in effort too. There are no medals for women who stay with men they don’t like.

Just tell him how you feel. Either something changes or you get a divorce. You’ve tried to make the relationship work but he needs to put in effort too. There are no medals for women who stay with men they don’t like.

This would drive me nuts ... you can either stay together and live your own life with your dd and friends or talk to him tell him the truth that life is boring together if no changes I'd have to part .

I think you know the answer.
You have grown totally incompatible.
Maybe it is time to go your separate ways. From what you write he is not a hands on father so any breakup would not have a detrimental impact on your child.
Remember your child will grow up and leave home. What then?

This.

I do everything with my friends, I have been on weekends away with a close friend, her partner & child. I go on days out with friends, partially in weekdays (school hols) when he is at work but we also meet weekends & although my group of friends are female often one of the husbands tag along to things when they aren't at work as they want to spend time with their children, I constantly hear about what my friends and partners have been up to socially and it makes me realise how little we do together. The only times he will reluctantly come along is if it is en route to something he needs to go do as we only have 1 car ( he has a work vehicle) and I say I'd rather not come back to go out again.

I spend more time with my friends making memories than with my partner.

Trying to catch up on messages.
To those who mention depression, I wouldn't be surprised but I wouldn't say this is a recent change more so something that's gradually gotten worse through circumstances.

I won't go into the details of it all but obviously I fell pregnant & we didnt get together until near the end of my pregnancy so there were no dates, no pre kids sex life etc, we started a relationship with a newborn and it was hard. On top of that there was covid and all the stuff that went on with that over the years. I had a good group of friends who had children at similar time to me and I actually began to socialise more because after covid you really had to appreciate the little things. For my DP his sport hobby changed after covid and eventually it stopped and he never joined another team, aside from the gym that was his main social thing he did, he didnt seem fussed though. At first we did things, definitely not as often as I would have if completely down to me but we did the odd seaside trip or he'd come to the park if I badgered him. Then there were more excuses like it was a waste of petrol to go to the seaside & spend money there, or he'd conveniently be at the gym sat/sun when I'd take DD to the park so he'd never have to go.

And I always asked him if he wanted to go somewhere, it was only when he said no that I'd invite friends instead. Then eventually I realised I'd stopped asking him anymore because he never said yes.

He may be struggling with his mental health. Is he open with you? Can talk to each other about mental health? X

That sounds like a very difficult start to the relationship, OP, without all the fun feelings of a new relationship, and also the important relationship foundations couples build together when they begin a relationship more deliberately.

It doesn't sound like he's a willing and enthusiastic partner or dad, which isn't so surprising if the pregnancy, and subsequent relationship, were unexpected and, for him, possibly unwanted. He may be depressed about how his life has turned out if this wasn't what he actually wanted. But he is responsible for his life actions and decisions, including the unplanned ones. It sounds like he essentially avoids all the things that involve family life and a relationship with you. A partner who is with you only out of obligation isn't a good life. Which is horrible, and he's not at all being a good partner or dad, but you need to look at this situation clearly and decide if it's worth staying.

How do you and your child benefit from staying with this man? What would your quality of life be like if you separated? Is that feasible? What are your feelings about him and do you want to be in a relationship with him?

I don’t know any men over 30 who don’t have friends. My dad’s in his 70s and regularly meets friends. Don’t make generalisations based on your own experience.