To be fed up of my boring partner?

[Username0900]

Totally prepared to be flamed by saying this but that's what an anonymous forum is for. AIBU to just be fed up of how boring my partner is??

I'll start off by saying by no means am I adventurous but we've got 1 life and it should be at least enjoyed a little.
My DP just seems to have no interest in doing anything, he doesn't drink, fair enough so that's pubs/clubs out of the equation, he's overweight so hardly ever wants to eat out as he's on a diet constantly. He doesn't enjoy the socialising that comes with us having a 6 year old so he doesn't come to the park/library/play dates even when I ask. He likes football but doesn't enjoy watching it in person or at the pub. He won't go to a concert/music event.

We actually do nothing together and I dont know if I am being unreasonable for being fed up or if he should make more effort. We have nothing in common but im willing to compromise, I'd go to a football match or I'd love him to come to a music event, he doesn't have to love it, it would just be spending that time together.

I have to almost beg him for a day out to the seaside because there are always reasons why he doesn't want to do something. Yet if I do ever do something without having asking he sulks as to why he wasn't invited. I don't miss out because I end up doing these things with friends, but honestly we've been together 7 years and if I have to endure this forever what is the point!?

But it’s true. Having a baby with someone you hardly know is a recipe for disaster. If you’re unhappy then it’s time to split but it’s hardly surprising.

I couldn't put up with this. Having different interests is one thing, doing nothing but watch TV all day is another.
There's the whole world out there to explore. Who wants to spend it with a couch potato?
Oh also, men don't have to be like this as they get older. DH is older and we do tons together and with the DC: travel, go to the theatre or art exhibitions, go out for dinner, walks etc.

@IDespairOfTheHumanRace A very strong smell of bitterness and incel vibes here!

Weird comment. Nothing I said had anything to do with incels.

In general, men over the age of 30 do not have male friends. Hence why so many women complain about being their partner's only friend.

Again, who are the men you know? All of the men I know have friends and I’m nearly fifty.

And I’ve never heard a woman complain about being her partner’s only friend.

You have some really negative views of men over a certain age - first saying they’re boring and now that they have no friends. I can’t work out if you’re a woman who’s surrounded by rubbish men, or if you’re a man who is quite unhappy with himself. Either way I’m sorry, and I hope things get better.

You need to get outside and meet some actual men if you think that

OK, so all of the articles and commentators noting the huge number of men that don't have any friends, apart from their partner, just made it up?

And the women on mumsnet, the Guardian, etc. bemoaning the fact that their partner doesn't have any friends, are they just making it up too?

I’ve never read an article like that.

And in real life, regarding wives and partners complaining, I only know ones who complain that their partner spends too much time out with his friends! None complaining that he doesn’t have any.

You haven’t answered as to whether you are a man or a woman, it would be helpful to know which perspective you’re coming from with these comments.

All the many men I know, aged 35-50, have lots of friends and interests. Any articles (though I’ve never read any) about men not having friends will, of course, be focusing on men with no friends. Likewise, women complaining on MN that their partner has no friends will be a self-selecting bias. People with nothing to complain about aren’t complaining, and men who have friends aren’t the subject of articles about lack of friends.

You need to sit with your DP and work on a plan to get non negotiable date nights into the calendar.

DP and I have massively different interests etc, but we compromise and we take turns doing things we want to do. We have one night a month for date night which cannot be cancelled etc (unless we are sick, emergency etc, then it simply gets moved to the next available date).

I let him pick one month what we should do, then I pick the next month. £100 budget set aside for activity and a quick dinner etc. Do I like everything he wants to do and vice versa? No, but we compromise because we like spending time with one another.

He also needs to do one family activity per month as a family with me and DS which could be farm, zoo, picnic, beach day etc.

For me, if my DP refused to accommodate this, I wouldn't be able to stay in the relationship.

Maybe you should try taking to some actual men rather then the internet or articles designed to sell newspapers
or maybe you are the kind of person who believes that all women are shallow and only want to date the top 5% 6 ft, 6 pack , 6 inch etc etc men

@AtBeaverGoat i agree - unless you play sport or go down the pub a lot - I know an awful lot of men who really don’t bother with friendships and become somewhat vp dependent on partners

@AtBeaverGoat sorry I should have said I agree with @shuggles - it seems to get worse I feel when men get older too -

Re: men and friends (or lack of!) it is actually true that as men get older their friendship group dwindles (for many of them,) usually as more and more of them get married, and see each other less/spend more time with the wife and kids, and in-laws, and parents etc, And it does start in their mid 30s.

Women tend to have more friends as they mix in more social groups/mum and baby groups etc. Even so that doesn't mean that every man 35+ has no friends, and that every woman 35+ has oodles of friends.

I had lots of friends right up to my late 30s. At least 4-7 friends at any give time.

Once I hit 40, I don't know what happened, or why, but I found myself friendless. It was just me and the DC, and DH. I saw half a dozen or so family members once or twice a month, but was really friendless. I had 3 or 4 OK-ish work colleagues, and we would have the odd work do 3 times a year, but none of them were 'friends.' This lasted about 9-10 years.

DH went down the same route.. But his friendship group dried up by 34-35... So 4 or 5 years before mine did. He had lots of friends up to about 35, but for him there was nothing for about 13-14 years. Just 2-3 work colleagues he would see socially 2-3 times a year, and his family.

Just this past 10 years (since around 48-49,) me and DH have made new friends after moving to a little village and joining a couple of social groups. He also has a good friend at work who he goes to the pub with once a month, and I have reconnected with an old school friend (back in 2015) who I hadn't seen since school. I see her twice a month. We also get on well with neighbours, and have drinks at the pub with them twice a month or so...

Friendships/friends come in peaks and troughs over the years for many. But yeah, I think some men do tend to have a lack o friends moreso than women, but as I said, it's not a given. Some men have many friends, and some women have few. (And women can struggle to make friendships/keep existing ones after 38-40.)

.

I’m an older man and have a bigger friendship circle than my similar aged female partner - 🤷🏻

I think what you’re describing is just the normal ebb and flow of life that happens regardless of sex. As we get older some of our childhood friendships drift apart, sometimes we move to new places and it takes a while to form new friendships etc etc.

@AtBeaverGoatwell I’m really pleased for you but don’t often find that these days. Are you into a sport? I find that seems to make a difference

I really don’t think it’s unusual.

The men I know all have friends. Some are old school or uni friends. Some are newer friends they’ve made through sports, or work, or through other friends, or through their wives or their kids. It’s really no different to the women I know.

Sport no , hobby yes
and there was no need to be quite so patronising 😂

Yet another sperm donor who sees parenting his own child as something he can opt in and out of as he pleases. I know that's not what you're asking about, but it jumped out at me.
As a PP said, you need to have a serious discussion with him. At a minimum he needs to step up to be an actual father to his child. That does mean having to so some things that he might not enjoy (do I love clambering around soft play centres? Of course I don't, but pretending to enjoy such things for the sake of our children is just what we do).

'Constant correcting of his domestic contributions'??? Do you mean asking him to actually pull his weight around the house?

WTF??? 'society's punching bag'? What on earth are you talking about? As if men in general have not had the upper hand for all of human history? This sounds a bit 'men's rights activist' ish

@PithyTaupeWriter As if men in general have not had the upper hand for all of human history?

A small percentage of wealthy middle and upper class men have had the upper hand for all of human history.

The majority of men are punching bags.

Articles:
"‘An uphill battle’: why are midlife men struggling to make – and keep – friends?"
www.theguardian.com/wellness/ng-interactive/2025/jul/10/male-friendships-midlife

"My husband has no friends and is too reliant on me. How can I help him?"
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/jul/28/my-husband-has-no-friends-and-is-too-reliant-on-me-how-can-i-help-him

"Friends are good for us … so why do many men have none at all?"
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/29/friends-are-good-for-us-so-why-do-many-men-have-none-banshees-of-inisherin

"'We don’t do deep emotional discussions’: why men lose their friends – and how they can make more"
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2023/may/25/we-dont-do-deep-emotional-discussions-why-men-lose-their-friends-and-how-they-can-make-more"

I am a man.

Interesting. I still don’t think it’s fair to say “men over thirty dont have friends” as if it’s a universal truth, but clearly it happens to some.

Is this something you’re struggling with yourself?