To think it was a bit disingenuous for no one to mention weight on ‘Too Much’?

[Pollysoftheworld]

I am around the same size as Lena Dunham. I am also similarly predisposed to put weight on around my face/ chin/ neck. Lucky us!
I have only watched the first few episodes of Too Much, but I know enough about Lena to know this is based on her life. The main character is also plus size/ curvy/ fat (choose your adjective of choose, I call myself ‘fat’)
Whilst the actress has a gorgeous face and hair, I do find her lack of consciousness odd, and it’s not like any plus size person I know.
Some may disagree, but I feel there is a lack of realism in the way that she presumes men will want to be with her (the musician guy, the footballer) when for me and most of my single, fat friends the question is always ‘but is he attracted to big women?’
Weight is a big part of what we consider attractive. Luckily this is changing but we are not there yet where guys in their 20/30s are queuing up to openly date big women. Some are! And many like to have sex with us in secret, but the idea that London is this metropolis of people who don’t care about weight is just not real.
Which leads me back to Dunham. When she was single, I imagine she may well have confidence walking into slim people’s spaces and flirting with footballers. She could do that as she was a rich, famous actress and writer. To presume someone much lower down in the pecking order would have similar confidence is a flaw in her autobiographical writing style. She was not a plus sized line producer trying to make it London and find love, she was a star.
I’m not shaming! It’s just something I noticed. Weight unfortunately still controls so much of our perception of others (see the many threads from people who have lost weight and found they get better service, more attention, flirting etc) and to not write about this experience is disingenuous.

I've recently watched Too Much and would say the Jess character is around a size 16; so not absolutely massive. She is also successful in a creative industry and seems to gravitate around a wacky, "bohemian/ hipster" group. Felix is better looking, maybe, but, as a PP pointed out, has had substance abuse issues, doesn't earn much to speak of or have a home. He's also very kind and a great guy. Jess is fun and, being American, a bit out of the ordinary, perhaps. I don't see it as unrealistic, really. I enjoyed the show.

Mixed weight couples as in an average sized / slim man and a woman who is maybe a size 16/18? Loads!

I don’t think it’s especially unusual at all and in a city like London I don’t think they’d get a second glance by many people seeing them on a date other than them thinking she has a really fun wardrobe.

The sort of ‘weight gap’ between this particular couple that you seem to be seeing is I think quite a bit of a projection on your part based on your own experiences / biases (something we are all guilty of, not having a go at you!) as it really isn’t very extreme or shocking!

What's so remarkable about that? I was under seven and a half stone at university and I'm taller than 5'2". I'm about a stone heavier now, 30 years later.

The poster is obviously remarking on the fact that this was seen as fat at the time.

Agree with this, I’m a size 18 and get a lot of male attention TBH.

And re: “mixed weight” couples. My DH is a personal trainer with 10% body fat and a lot of the guys I get attention from aren’t fat (in fact I’d say the majority aren’t).

It sounded like she was remarking on the weight:height, but yes, that makes more sense.

Interesting. It will be interesting to see, how with the development of slimming injections/medication etc, being thin becomes less effortful. Perhaps no longer equated with self discipline. Maybe less admired. Easier, less desirable maybe? Interesting.

No im just saying to be considered the fat one at this weight is hideous ! I was called slim in my 20s at this height /weight

I thought this show (which isn't great, i enjoyed it but its not essential viewing!) was a breath of fresh air for not making a very normal weight an issue for the relationship!
Its not like people of the main actress' size dont have sex lives right?? Its a very normal female body shape

the issues in the show were all personal and trauma related, but not focused on physicality. Kind of like real life, right??

When were your friends in this band? You are living in the past. The skinny ideal isn't an ideal any more. Your perspective seems very mid aughts, not 2025.

I’m a size 22 and my partner is a slim, muscular, very typically attractive man. He’s 6”2 and trains 5 days a week, runs marathons etc. He admitted I wasn’t his usual type when we first got together but he’s always been very attracted to me. All previous partners of mine have been similar to my current one looks-wise. Really not uncommon in my world.
Having said that, I do kind of agree with you OP in that in MY experience, I don’t think men are often initially attracted to me because of my weight. But often once they get to know me attraction grows. Which I guess is the same for most people!
I’m only 3 episodes into the show and am finding it quite refreshing that her weight hasn’t come up as a topic at all.

The most body confident of my friends is plus size. I've known her since school and she's always been big. She is also beautiful, funny, clever and has never had any problems attracting attention from men (in our clubbing days she'd be hit on every time we went out, I used to be so jealous).

I think that confidence is key to being attractive, regardless of size.

Spoiler alert!

The guy is unemployed and living in a squat in his 30's, he has substance misuse issues and there are references to him having cheated on multiple girlfriends in the past. He still has a very intense and touchy-feely 'friendship' with his ex girlfriend whose name is tatoo'd on his arse. He takes Jessica to his friends wedding (where it is evident he has slept with most of the women there) then tells her to leave because she objects to sitting next to a man who has recently been jailed for sexual assault. He then cheats on her with an "old woman".

I really don't think it's implausible that a plus sized woman would have the confidence to make a play for this man because he's such a prize catch. The suggestion is pretty depressing frankly.

I totally agree - I know a slim but very meek girls have no confidence with blokes cos even though she’s not fat she’s worried men will find her boring

... I mean if I looked like Megan Stalter I'd be assuming people would fancy me. She's very pretty, and very charismatic.

But yeah, I get you on the being a bit more anxious about my size as a 'plus size' woman (size 16). But then I had similar body worries in my 20 when I was a size 6.

I watched Bridehard with her starring yesterday I think she mist have been mid weightless and she was rocking it. There is another bridesmaid in it who is probable a UK 24 26 and has so much sass. Pulls the hottest guy. That's my experience of being the fat friend. I always got the best looking guys.

That’s an interesting perspective I hadn’t considered. I’m just finding the whole show very disappointing. Most of the dialogue is really poor, the plot is so slow and the characters feel like parodies or caricatures- American versions of British people. The characters in Girls felt so nuanced and real but I don’t believe a single one of them in Too Much. I don’t believe any of the men would find the lead attractive - not because of her weight but because she has no redeeming features as a character. I’m also just finding it so boring. I’ve forced myself to watch three episodes but think I’m out. It’s insufferable! Also it’s billed as a rom com but where’s the com? Haven’t even raised a smile let alone a laugh!

Well the actress who plays the main character is so beautiful and charming that I think men would probably overlook the fact she was a bit chubby round the middle (she wasn’t that fat elsewhere). But I think Lena Dunham is kidding herself if she thinks that’s what she looks/ looked like, because personally I find her extremely unattractive, physically and personality-wise.

I just googled her as I didn't know who she was by name, and she wasn't always fat, plus if its about her, it's about her perspective so why should she put insecurities in there if she didn't have them?

I’m fat. A size 16-18.

I was this size in my 20s too (when young women tended to be slimmer in the 2000s). And I never had a problem getting boyfriends.

the biggest prejudice I face is these days on the internet. Incels on Facebook and skinny women on mumsnet appear to be the biggest haters

A truly awful woman.

There are a lot of thin women with crap personalities on this site. They like to think that they are superior to fat women (which is why they are furious about the weight loss drugs) and they think that men should fall at their feet because they are skinny. It's a joke, really. Men have never been as invested in the ultra skinny look as women think they are. Even at the height of Kate Moss' popularity, she wasn't really a sex symbol: I don't recall any men of my age really fancying her (I'm 42)

I just googled her - I am a size 16 and she is quite a bit larger than I am!

I had no confidence when I was a size 22-24, but certainly did not struggle to have relationships with men. I could've have always been dating or in a relationship if I wanted to, there was no shortage of interest.

I struggled more with men when I got slim (then 90s skinny) . Not a shortage of interest as such, but the interest was way more shallow - more just men wanting sex rather than relationship or connection. When I was fat, men desiring proper connection seemed the norm when a man showed interest - being used or messed about was less common. It was the opposite when I got skinny, most guys seemed to want to just sleep with me, mess me about, etc. I wasn't used to it and was super gullible at first.

They say when you're fat, you have to keep your guard up against fetishists.. And true, they do crop up from time to time. But when I was skinny, it felt like I was fetishized by the majority of men "interested" in me. It was entirely normal to be fetishised is the thing.