To think it was a bit disingenuous for no one to mention weight on ‘Too Much’?

[Pollysoftheworld]

I am around the same size as Lena Dunham. I am also similarly predisposed to put weight on around my face/ chin/ neck. Lucky us!
I have only watched the first few episodes of Too Much, but I know enough about Lena to know this is based on her life. The main character is also plus size/ curvy/ fat (choose your adjective of choose, I call myself ‘fat’)
Whilst the actress has a gorgeous face and hair, I do find her lack of consciousness odd, and it’s not like any plus size person I know.
Some may disagree, but I feel there is a lack of realism in the way that she presumes men will want to be with her (the musician guy, the footballer) when for me and most of my single, fat friends the question is always ‘but is he attracted to big women?’
Weight is a big part of what we consider attractive. Luckily this is changing but we are not there yet where guys in their 20/30s are queuing up to openly date big women. Some are! And many like to have sex with us in secret, but the idea that London is this metropolis of people who don’t care about weight is just not real.
Which leads me back to Dunham. When she was single, I imagine she may well have confidence walking into slim people’s spaces and flirting with footballers. She could do that as she was a rich, famous actress and writer. To presume someone much lower down in the pecking order would have similar confidence is a flaw in her autobiographical writing style. She was not a plus sized line producer trying to make it London and find love, she was a star.
I’m not shaming! It’s just something I noticed. Weight unfortunately still controls so much of our perception of others (see the many threads from people who have lost weight and found they get better service, more attention, flirting etc) and to not write about this experience is disingenuous.

I gave up on the show after one episode, but a woman I follow on TikTok is a journalist and wrote this:

https://www.stylist.co.uk/entertainment/tv/netflix-too-much-plus-size-representation/999189

(she got a lot of backlash for it, and is a UK size 18/20 herself)

Yep this - one of my most confident friends is fat, in our 20’s she just had personality and confidence in spades and always went out ‘sharking’ as she would call it (looking for prey 🤣) and always landed a babe!!

The perception of 'fat' has changed a great deal in about 25 years. YABU not to recognize the shift in cultural norms.

She’s got a beautiful face and is successful in a creative job that a lot of people would consider quite glamorous. She can afford her own quite spacious flat in London. Why wouldn’t she be confident that she can attract an unemployed musician with substance abuse issues who lives with multiple roommates in his 30s? Why on earth are we acting like he’s the prize here?

I was a similar size to the main character for most of my 20s and had lots of boyfriends.

I'm now mid 30s and more Lena Dunham's current size (thanks having babies) so I'd love to get back to that size again tbh.

I totally agree, however I would say Lena Dunham has form for extremely odd and frankly disgusting behaviour (look into her autobiography and what she did with her sister)
Her writing is very skewed and quite often feels completely made up!

I haven't watched the show you are talking about.

However I think it's odd that you think every single person with a certain body characteristic (e.g. being fat/ overweight) should/ does lack confidence because of it.

In my experience that's just not true.

A few people have posted similarly to you. I don’t know who she is, so what’s the deal with her? My posts have been about how much your confidence and vibe are attractive to men even if you are overweight. But it sounds like this woman’s vibe is way off. What happened with her sister?

It’s not that I don’t think fat women can be beautiful and sexy. It’s that specific world (the London creative scene) and this specific time (swiping based on one photo on Tinder, people dating multiple people, weightloss jabs, surgery).
It did feel very much like a fat girl’s wet dream. Maybe it’s my confidence and self esteem, but I would not have kissed the random, hot man who felt sorry for me getting lost in the city. He was not showing her that kind of attention, it seemed like he was portraying sympathy.
In my current social sphere and dating normal guys, weight is much less of an issue or even a discussion. But that specific context, no I wasn’t buying it. From having friends who were in a mildly successful indie band, I remember their girlfriends and it was one Latvian part time model after another.

I can't comment on this show, as I haven't seen it.

However, slightly related, can I recommend Drop Dead Diva? They don't ignore her size, but after an episode or two it's no big deal.

This show is partly based on Lena Dunham’s life, and she’s manifestly not a typical person, she had extraordinary success at a young age and that was probably partly fuelled by the fact that she had more confidence already than the average person, and also will have added to her confidence. She did manage to find someone on the London creative scene, so why wouldn’t she portray that? It’s not a wet dream, it’s her life.

Personally I don’t consider Will Sharpe all that hot or obviously out of Megan Stalter’s league, and that’s even before you factor in the disparity in their characters’ income and career success that I mentioned above.

Well that wasn’t my experience. My experience was people ( mostly men) being unspeakably cruel.

I was a confident young woman in many ways . But I had almost zero interest from men ( apart from awful jibes) until I lost weight. I was size 18/20 . Didn’t matter how much I told myself I was attractive - nobody else agreed with me.

Lost for stone - men were like flies round shit . Go figure.

I think you are projecting.

Just because you cannot personally relate to something doesn't mean it's not valid for someone else.

I’m sorry you had a hard time. I’ve ranged between a size 14 and 18 in my life and never had any difference in the amount of attention I’ve had from men so I can only conclude that it has something to do with a confident vibe or something that’s not to do with weight. It could be body shape and how weight is carried that makes a difference, but I don’t think so. Your comment “flies around shit” does hint at confidence issues. I hope you’re feeling more content in yourself having lost the weight.

No, you are misreading me . Flies round shit is just a turn of phrase - I didnt mean I felt like shit.

I think it’s not fair to imply it’s just a matter of confidence . I was confident . But that wasn’t ‘enough”at the time.

Now Im older and wiser , I can say “well fuck em then” but it hurts like hell at the time when all your friends have relationships and you dont.

I watched the series and the physical side of things is in fact addressed- although she doesn't specifically say it, the fact that her ex's new fiancée is the typical influencer/model type may have something to do with it. She is also portrayed bingeing on noodles at midnight after a bad episode recollecting her life with him... so it's not like food issues are entirely brushed under the carpet. It's just not repeatedly shoved in your face, which I think is great. I personally had more issues with her character being so very self-centred (despite being very engaging, I found it ultimately grating).

I haven’t seen the show but think your observations are spot on. I have lost a lot of weight, as well as being much healthier I look better, even though that was secondary to me.
my mum recently said to me that I always look smart and put together nowadays, I haven’t changed my style of clothing and I often wear slob out clothes but I do now find I look good in any clothes, they fit better and hang better. She wasn’t commenting on my weight just my outfit and it does give me more confidence

Is there an actual definition of 'plus sized' though? When I was a teenager (I'm 39) 'plus sized' shops like Evans started at size16. Does what is considered plus sized go up as more people are falling into the overweight category and average size is increasing? If the average dress size was a size 20 would only morbidly obese people be plus sized?

This seems contradictory. You speak of being treated terribly and that it’s only now you can say “fuck em”, but that you simultaneously didn’t struggle with your confidence.

If not confidence and an air of sexiness, what is it that you think accounts for the difference in experiences with men?

I haven’t watched it. I’m a 16/18 (5ft 10) and my experience seems to be men are happy to have sex but not actually be seen with me/date

She isn’t a 12/14 , she is really obese.

I’m glad they haven’t mad it a plot point. It’s so boring. Who cares? There are plenty of male characters on tv who are bigger and their weight doesn’t dominate the plot.

I think it's sad that so many people are assuming that a bigger woman can't be confident and attract men, just because that's not your own experience.
One of my best friends at uni was very overweight, and she had no problem at all attracting men, partly because she was very pretty and looked after her appearance, and partly because she was confident and not afraid to approach men. I was a size 8-10 and got no attention from men because I was a shy little mouse!

Are we talking about Lena Dunham or the actress, Megan? I looked up the actress, and it says she is a US size 10, which I think is a UK 14, isn't it (if that website was indeed correct)? That's not plus sized, so I'm getting a bit confused about all the talk of plus sized. I always thought plus sized meant out of the ranges of usual shop sizes. Shops have always usually gone up to a size 16. I can see Lena Dunham may be larger than that though.

I was a size 10 when I met dh. Now a 14 (Trying to get back to a 12 after many years together and a child.) Dh makes me feel as though he still fancies the pants off me.

I know that's slightly different to being single and trying to meet someone when you're overweight to begin with, but I think you need to be less rigid in thinking men can only fancy plus size women if they are specifically into a "type". I don't think attraction always works like that.