To think it was a bit disingenuous for no one to mention weight on ‘Too Much’?

[Pollysoftheworld]

I am around the same size as Lena Dunham. I am also similarly predisposed to put weight on around my face/ chin/ neck. Lucky us!
I have only watched the first few episodes of Too Much, but I know enough about Lena to know this is based on her life. The main character is also plus size/ curvy/ fat (choose your adjective of choose, I call myself ‘fat’)
Whilst the actress has a gorgeous face and hair, I do find her lack of consciousness odd, and it’s not like any plus size person I know.
Some may disagree, but I feel there is a lack of realism in the way that she presumes men will want to be with her (the musician guy, the footballer) when for me and most of my single, fat friends the question is always ‘but is he attracted to big women?’
Weight is a big part of what we consider attractive. Luckily this is changing but we are not there yet where guys in their 20/30s are queuing up to openly date big women. Some are! And many like to have sex with us in secret, but the idea that London is this metropolis of people who don’t care about weight is just not real.
Which leads me back to Dunham. When she was single, I imagine she may well have confidence walking into slim people’s spaces and flirting with footballers. She could do that as she was a rich, famous actress and writer. To presume someone much lower down in the pecking order would have similar confidence is a flaw in her autobiographical writing style. She was not a plus sized line producer trying to make it London and find love, she was a star.
I’m not shaming! It’s just something I noticed. Weight unfortunately still controls so much of our perception of others (see the many threads from people who have lost weight and found they get better service, more attention, flirting etc) and to not write about this experience is disingenuous.

There’s no way that she’s a size 12-14.

There is still an attitude out there that men won't fancy fat women and this attitude must come from somewhere. Over the last two years, I have lost 8 stone - I can't tell you how many people have said 'oh you'll have loads of men chasing after you now'

Why now? Inside I'm still the same person I was two years ago, the only thing that has changed is my physical shape so society is saying that I wasn't fanciable before because I was fat. I'm still walking around with no make up on, hair quite often scraped back in a pony tail, no fancy clothes.

It's not always about confidence, I don't think I'm a wall flower. I'm pretty sociable, can hold an intelligent conversation, have a wide range of interests and will engage with people but the implication is that I wasn't fanciable because I was fat (still am, only less so!)

I have been fat and I have been thin, and at any size I've been able to get any man I wanted. That sounds very arrogant but it isn't- in my experience, men are very easy to get. I am confident and fun to be around, and if we're talking about sex most men (certainly the ones I would want to sleep with) are just happy to be invited.

I had more confidence as a size 16 than I do now as a size 8. I believed I could get any man I wanted (and did most the time) and was very flirty with everyone even if I had little interest in them. I had a lot more sparkle as a “fat girl” but unfortunately lost that sparkle along with the weight. Not all plus size people feel and think the same way as you.

The show isn't realistic at all.
No one talks or acts like real people.
It's not about weight and the actress happening to be fat doesn't mean it needs to become about weight.

The four stone lost!

I was confident but it still hurt my feelings is what Im saying

Also it's a trope in tv that not so stereotypically attractive men are paired with much younger modelesque women. This is subverting that. But even then the actress playing Jessica is very beautiful and young she's just not slim!
This wouldn't even be a discussion if it was slightly paunchy man.
I mean Nev and Wendy are hardly matched in terms of what people think is typically attractive but you're not critiquing that.

For me it shows the spectrum of how people feel about their physical attributes. Think about red hair. Some people hate it, and are almost ashamed of it. Others revel in their red hair and think it’s the best physical feature. And yet more people (probably the majority) just consider it as unremarkable as having blue eyes, or freckles, or long fingers.

It’s nice to see a woman not beating herself up about how she looks, to be honest.

I don't find it an implausible part of the show.
I do think it's a crap show though and couldn't get through the second episode.

I think you can't generalise, I've always been "bigger" (14 when younger, more like 18 for last 10 years) and have never had confidence issues or any trouble attracting men. I do mix in creative and arty circles where I think people are more accepting. I never hear anyone making negative comments about weight or people talking about diets so I'm always surprised when I break out of my bubble and people make derogatory comments about themselves or others.

I think, like most things, it depends on your own experiences and circles you move in.

I'm confused. A size 16 is quite big? I don't think I can say this without being accused of fat-shaming, but just because it is normal in the UK to be a size 16 doesn't mean that a size 16 isn't overweight. Even if you are really tall, I don't think I've seen someone in a size 16 who wouldn't be classed as medically overweight.

It's interesting because BMI seems really generous for white people compared to those not white. I am mixed race and according to the NHS BMI calculator I am on the borderline of 'overweight' at 66kg. I am 170cm and easily fit in a size 10.

The NHS barrier for overweight is higher for white people (still not sure why), but I can't imagine that there's many people who are a size 16 and aren't classed as medically overweight. Even if that's the 'normal' size for UK adults.

At the same time, I'm glad this show doesn't focus on weight. Why does it need to? If I was watching a romcom featuring black actresses I wouldn't necessarily expect or want it to be about how beauty standards favour light skin and how it's much harder to date hotties when you are white...

Why are people incredulous that the men in this show are attracted to a funny, charismatic, creative plus sized woman, but seemingly not incredulous that Emily Ratajkowski's character (an actual model!) is madly in love with Jessica's totally average looking ex boyfriend?

Although Jessica's weight is only mentioned once as I recall (Felix's Mother says "she looks solid" when he shows her a picture) it was evident that she has many insecurities. She's frequently described as "needy", she gets jealous, she overshares with strangers, gets anxious in social situations, she desperately wants people (men and women) to like her. On more than one occasion she tells a character she has just met that they are her "best friend". I don't think we needed a monologue about how she was picked on for her weight at school or a shot of her scrutinising her stomach in the bathroom mirror and looking sad, that would have been too 'on the nose'. I think it was evident that behind her bravado there was some deep seated insecurities and her weight may or may not have been part of that.

I thought the show was flawed on a number of levels but actually it was refreshing to see a fat female lead who doesn't constantly bang on about her weight.

OP I thought the same as you and I was surprised it wasn’t mentioned at all. Particularly as the character has PCOS I thought there would have/could have been more narrative about her weight. Or maybe not so much her weight but her shape, as it was all very much around her middle.

Not that it really would have made a difference to any story lines, but I did have the same thoughts. But then I thought hmm maybe that is just my own insecurities showing.

I think this is really interesting, I get what you mean about this being unrealistic but also how do we get to the point where women can feel like this without it being modelled in media/art etc first?

The narrative nowadays is that weight is just unfortunate genetics and less to do with lifestyle.

I've never seen a fat person who exercises regularly and eats healthy.

No I meant what accounts for our different experiences with men ?

I cannot stand Lena Durham and tend to avoid watching her stuff. I find her deeply unattractive on many levels. Not entirely on topic...

Amazing and 100% correct and I feel like printing that out for myself !! 💕

We met different men!

I have a few overweight acquaintances. All earning ok, with a decent car and their own homes, in expensive areas. Two have dated musicians and one a semi professional sportsman. I'll say people, because it's both men and women, will have tick boxes and some will put being able to move in above ideal body types.

Yes, she's a wrong'un and really makes my flesh creep. Particularly with the whole thing about molesting her baby sister (and making out that everyone does it really, and anyone who thinks it's wrong is just a small-minded heteronormative prude trying to control female sexuality. I mean wtaf).

In your post you seem to intrinsically link body confidence to success. Ie she’s a successful actress / writer so she has confidence to talk to footballers and think they may be interested in her. I don’t think that’s realistic and you get many body confident people that aren’t successful and many successful people that aren’t body confident.

I don’t think there’s a correlation but you’re looking for a reason (excuse?) not to be confident. Really you need to find that within yourself and if not fake it til you make it type thing.

not sure how this comment comes across… I’m 200% not trying to be mean. I’m objectively slim and still in the ‘fake it til you make it’ and at the ripe age of 50 am probably never going to ‘make it’

Then you must have lived an incredibly sheltered life.

OP if nothing else this thread proves how much we need shows that show fat people living their lives and even- shock horror- being sexually attractive to men, if nothing else to make those who think fat people should hide indoors in the dark eating lettuce leaves and being ashamed of their size 16 jeans froth.

People hold their weigh differently. People look different.

I objectively look awful when I put on weight. It all goes on my face, chin, upper arms and belly.

Some people just look like more squishier versions of themselves. It helps to have a lovely face too!

I'm glad it wasn't a feature(although I got bored a few episodes in and quit watching it anyway) but I hate when fat characters entire stories seem to revolve around being fat. The series 'This is us' springs to mind as an example, her entire storyline seemed to revolve around how fat she was. It's boring. I've never been overweight but I'm pretty sure if I was I'd still be the same person I am now and that's a whole lot more than how my body looks and that's what I want to see from people in movies/TV shows too.