To think it was a bit disingenuous for no one to mention weight on ‘Too Much’?

[Pollysoftheworld]

I am around the same size as Lena Dunham. I am also similarly predisposed to put weight on around my face/ chin/ neck. Lucky us!
I have only watched the first few episodes of Too Much, but I know enough about Lena to know this is based on her life. The main character is also plus size/ curvy/ fat (choose your adjective of choose, I call myself ‘fat’)
Whilst the actress has a gorgeous face and hair, I do find her lack of consciousness odd, and it’s not like any plus size person I know.
Some may disagree, but I feel there is a lack of realism in the way that she presumes men will want to be with her (the musician guy, the footballer) when for me and most of my single, fat friends the question is always ‘but is he attracted to big women?’
Weight is a big part of what we consider attractive. Luckily this is changing but we are not there yet where guys in their 20/30s are queuing up to openly date big women. Some are! And many like to have sex with us in secret, but the idea that London is this metropolis of people who don’t care about weight is just not real.
Which leads me back to Dunham. When she was single, I imagine she may well have confidence walking into slim people’s spaces and flirting with footballers. She could do that as she was a rich, famous actress and writer. To presume someone much lower down in the pecking order would have similar confidence is a flaw in her autobiographical writing style. She was not a plus sized line producer trying to make it London and find love, she was a star.
I’m not shaming! It’s just something I noticed. Weight unfortunately still controls so much of our perception of others (see the many threads from people who have lost weight and found they get better service, more attention, flirting etc) and to not write about this experience is disingenuous.

Sounds like very bad luck on your part then. I hope you’re having a better time of it now.

What the bloody hell?! Ok I’m going to have to google her 😧

This is true, I carry weight very evenly. It was always called “cheating” where I grew up because you were heavier than you looked. But I’ve known many overweight women who carry it differently from me and are very obviously overweight/obese and they still have that spark that makes them sexy and desirable.

I think you grt some women who are big, but manage to.look amazing because they xarry it well and have a lot of confidence. They tend yo dress flamboyantly and they know how to dress to make the most of themselves, and to flatter their shape and their curves. These women tend to attract a lot of male attention and attraction.

Then there are people who are at the top end of healthy weight, who aren't slim but aren't big and beautiful, but just look frumpy and sort of solid, even if they are not technically overweight. I don't know if it is just normality bias, or just lack of confidence.

Same

I don’t particularly like the show as I found the main character profoundly annoying, but I kind of like the fact that a big deal isn’t made of her weight. One of my favourite films is Hairspray (the original, not the abomination with John Travolta) and I love how Rikki Lake/Tracey is super confident in her own skin and it doesn’t even occur to her character that the hot guys wouldn’t want her just as much as the Amber Von Tussles of the world!

I remember deciding years ago I profoundly disliked Lena Durham, I think partly cos the media propped her up as a representative of an entire generation. I read some interview somewhere and she said she was disappointed to be heterosexual and would have rathered be gay. That really bugged me, being gay brings many challenges even today, aren't we supposed to be accepting of who we are regardless? She strikes me as the type who is disappointed her 3 year old isn't transgender because she is trying so so hard to be woke and alternative.

I think she says stuff flippantly that people then take way more seriously than she intended.

Exactly! Her reaction and attitude really got my goat the sheer gall, trying to sue for libel when some commenting on the sexual abuse made me super angry Luckily, it was pointed out she cannot sue anyone actually citing/commenting on her own written account She is just a total scumbag!

Don’t get me wrong, I’m confident in every other way. I know I am a good friend and good at my job, I have a lot of good qualities. But if a good looking young man bought me a drink I would assume it was either a bet or he’d be trying to get me to join his cult!

Yes, I agree.

A bit like the thread where someone asked what people would think if they saw a size 20 woman in a bikini. Poster after poster claimed that, if they noticed her weight at all, they wouldn't think anything other than wondering whether she had applied enough sunscreen.

I just don't buy it. I can believe people wouldn't say anything, but not that they wouldn't even have a thought regarding size. I think most people notice body shapes and sizes, at least fleetingly, especially when they're almost nude.

Oh I remember twats doing that when I was out clubbing. Their mates would be across the room laughing about it but the woman would have no idea. It made me feel sick.

This makes me really sad, OP.

And this is less about other people's perception of how sexy you are and YOUR perception of how sexy you are. The change has to start with you!

Reminds me of my 70-odd year old almond mum who has been on a diet since she was 10, generally fucked up my relationship with food and my body until I was well into my late 30s, and will notice someone's size before anything else. Thankfully I think this behaviour from her and you is dying out.

I don't ever notice someone's size. Why would I? It is literally nothing to do with me.

Sorry, what "behaviour" from me? Having eyes?

People notice things. That's why we have senses. You can't function in many, many situations without noticing things.

I never said anyone should be judged or shamed, so I think you're maybe projecting there.

Also what's an almond mum?

Okay, I'll bite.

What are you noticing? Her size? Cool. Why?

An almond mum is a mum obsessed with dieting, the calories in things, who thinks being fat is the worst thing in the world, judges other people on their weight, thinks morality is linked to thinness, etc. Not suggesting you are like that, but my mum certainly is.

I agree with various posters on different things: LD is objectively an awful person, and quite overweight. But I think there’s a lot of projection here as well about how people feel about their weight. I’ve always been fat to varying degrees and felt awful about it, I’ve never felt comfortable in my skin. I was blown away on TikTok and other social media to see big girl’s confidently in their underwear and doing clothes widens and so on. Made me realise that my weight wasn’t ruining my life but how I felt about it and projected myself was. I admire LD’s confidence but do think that in general being big limits your dating pool,

I think the point not being made here on the thread is looks. A pretty face on balance trumps an attractive body. If you are an average looking woman you will get less male attention than a good looking big girl, if that big girl is average looking then maybe not so much, unless she has a remarkably strong personality. I suspect many of the women saying they are size 18 and men find them attractive are not stating the most important fact that they are good looking.

So if you were in London and saw this guy asking to buy this girl a drink you’d honestly think it was a bet or he was trying to get her to join his cult etc? You wouldn’t just see two attractive people one of whom happens to be plus size? I think that’s quite sad.

Yes, I would probably notice her size. Why? Because it's quite large. Same way I might notice someone who's taller than average or with unusually long hair, or who is particularly beautiful, or all sorts of things. Because I don't walk around with my eyes closed. But I might also be noticing the scenery or architecture or music that's being played, someone's annoying voice, the colour of the sky, etc., etc.

I didn't know that expression. No, I'm definitely not obsessed with dieting and I don't think morality is linked to weight.

I will state again. It’s not that the actress isn’t beautiful. But even beautiful big women will never be the ‘type’ for quite a large proportion of the male population. In the same way that a stereotypically attractive slim woman will be the type for a large population. I don’t think it is just about looks. It’s the same as the height thing for straight women. Being fat rules out a lot of eligible men, because they cannot deviate from their narrow view of femininity meaning slim. I know as I’ve talked to a lot of them!
Sorry but straight women saying ‘but you’re so stunning though’ is not the same thing. They’re not the target audience.

@Pollysoftheworld That’s genuinely sad to hear, and I think it’s important for you to work on your self-confidence. For context, the smallest I’ve been as an adult is a size 18 and the largest a 22, and I’ve never had any trouble attracting men. My husband is conventionally more attractive than I am, and he has always been drawn to me physically and emotionally. When I was younger and a size 18, I dated professional (but not famous) football and rugby players. Confidence and how you carry yourself really do matter more than your dress size.

@anytipswelcomeI wouldn’t necessarily not put them together, they look like an attractive couple. However, there just aren’t that many mixed weight couples. How many do you know? There’s just not that many people who go to the gym and watch what they eat who don’t look for those similar priorities in a life partner.

Just under 9 stone and 5 ft 2?

oh my days 😭

Mixed weight couples IRL? Literally all the time we see this!
Being slim doesn't always mean going to the gym and constant dieting.
lots of people are just naturally smaller or bigger.
Think about the skinny gamer guys who just sit in and drink energy drinks and eat pizza but are very bony for example.