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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex said he will never forgive me

242 replies

PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 19:33

For secretly planning to leave him for a year. Saving money, getting a house and furniture sorted etc. I told him I wanted to separate but it did take 3 months more to get my house sorted etc, His family absolutely hate my guts and say how two faced I am, I’m a villain in his families eyes. Big reasons I had to do what I did which was a result of how Ex was treating me and speaking to me. He was verbally abusive and could be very nasty, also very nice and generous. I am now treated like I’ve ran off with another man and abandoned my children. Ex says how two faced I was when he would talk about our future and retirement etc.

MIL wants my head on a stick (jokes 💀)

OP posts:
Dozer · 17/07/2025 19:34

Fuck him.

SapphOhNo · 17/07/2025 19:35

Why do you care?

Swiftie1878 · 17/07/2025 19:35

Who cares what he or they think? 🤷🏼‍♀️

Vaxtable · 17/07/2025 19:35

Who cars
es what he and his family think. You did good getting out

gingerscot · 17/07/2025 19:35

So what?

TangerinePlate · 17/07/2025 19:36

Opinion is like a bumholre-everybody has one.

Enjoy your peaceful life OP 💐🥳😃

Original poster
PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 19:37

I had to do it this way for my safety, I did tell him that if I hadn’t done it this way we would both be stuck living together and fighting over who gets to stay in the marital home. I also didn’t know how angry he would be or what he might do. He’s actually been reasonable and okay since but with a few incidents in between.

OP posts:
SnipSnipMrBurgess · 17/07/2025 19:38

Why are you entertaining anything he or his family say?

Mrsgreen100 · 17/07/2025 19:38

I don’t understand where are the children?

SALaw · 17/07/2025 19:39

His “forgiveness” shouldn’t be important to you but obviously your safety and your children’s best interests are important.

MaySea · 17/07/2025 19:39

You have no control over what they do and thankfully, they no longer have control over what you do. Enjoy your freedom. Let them wallow in their hatred.

TomatoSandwiches · 17/07/2025 19:40

You did what was necessary for your safety because of his abusive actions in the relationship, if he doesnt like that then he needs to have words with himself.
What he and his mother dont like is that they dont have any control over you.

Id not bother listening to anything unless its about the children.

Well done, you should be proud of yourself.

fruitbrewhaha · 17/07/2025 19:42

Ah well, I expect you won’t forgive him for being abusive. And this “I won’t forgive you” is part of the abuse. He can’t bare that you are not controlled by him.

DoYouReally · 17/07/2025 19:43

Good....you don't need forgiveness, you need your freedom.

CorbyTrouserPress · 17/07/2025 19:45

Where are the children?

Original poster
PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 19:47

CorbyTrouserPress · 17/07/2025 19:45

Where are the children?

We will share custody.

OP posts:
Original poster
PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 19:52

fruitbrewhaha · 17/07/2025 19:42

Ah well, I expect you won’t forgive him for being abusive. And this “I won’t forgive you” is part of the abuse. He can’t bare that you are not controlled by him.

All he says was that he admits to being a “bit of a dick” but massively downplays how he treated me - it’s all about how I’ve treated him in secretly planning on leaving him and how he can never forgive me. Never mind all the horrible names he’s called me or the violent threats. He keeps saying how much he’s done for me over the years and how he saved my mums life by driving her to the hospital when she was very ill. Of course I’m so grateful for that but it doesn’t cancel out the dreadful things he’s said to me. Words are meaningless he says.

OP posts:
Original poster
PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 19:56

TomatoSandwiches · 17/07/2025 19:40

You did what was necessary for your safety because of his abusive actions in the relationship, if he doesnt like that then he needs to have words with himself.
What he and his mother dont like is that they dont have any control over you.

Id not bother listening to anything unless its about the children.

Well done, you should be proud of yourself.

Thank you. My ex said that he literally could have run me over with his car and his mum would still take his side. She has pure hatred for me, I’m utterly despised by her.

OP posts:
Neverflyingagain · 17/07/2025 19:57

Well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree! Sounds like he learned his behaviour from his mother.
You did what you needed to do, and he's angry that you managed to do it all under his nose! His control over you got up and went a long time ago, and he's desperately trying to get it back again.
Treat his opinion with the disdain that it deserves, and make sure that you get everything you're due in the divorce settlement.

Meadowfinch · 17/07/2025 20:00

I don't know any woman who could afford to just walk out on a whim, unless they have affluent and welcoming local parents with two spare rooms. It's completely normal to plan.

I planned for eight months before I could leave my ex. I needed to find a new full time job that would support us, save a deposit, rent a flat, find a full time child minder, acclimatise 2yo ds and make sure he was happy.

Ignore your ex's family. They are just pissed of that you've bruised their boy's ego, and they don't have the opportunity to make your life hell.

purplecorkheart · 17/07/2025 20:04

Your ex is scum and so is his mother by his account. I would log the run over threat with a non emergency police number (sorry not uk) just in case they start acting more scum like.

Other than that do not give a thought about what they think of you. You did the right thing and are organised, wise and brave.

HermioneWeasley · 17/07/2025 20:04

Well he’s your Ex do eho cares what he and his mother think? Stop giving them headspace

nomas · 17/07/2025 20:06

PringlesForMe · 17/07/2025 19:56

Thank you. My ex said that he literally could have run me over with his car and his mum would still take his side. She has pure hatred for me, I’m utterly despised by her.

Show quote history

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

It’s weird that you care.

outerspacepotato · 17/07/2025 20:10

Who cares what he thinks?

He's not the center of the universe.

You outsmarted him and he's mad. Stay mad, dude.

SpryCat · 17/07/2025 20:11

Just because he’s putting the blame on you, doesn’t mean it’s true and he’s an ex for a reason. His mother will always believe and stick up for him. Abusive people never forgive those that escape their clutches, he’s playing mind games, trying to make out you’re the villain and he’s the victim. You know why, you had to do it in secret, he was abusive and you were scared of him. Zero fucks, how he or his mother thinks about you, it’s no longer your concern.