Ex said he will never forgive me

[PringlesForMe]

For secretly planning to leave him for a year. Saving money, getting a house and furniture sorted etc. I told him I wanted to separate but it did take 3 months more to get my house sorted etc, His family absolutely hate my guts and say how two faced I am, I’m a villain in his families eyes. Big reasons I had to do what I did which was a result of how Ex was treating me and speaking to me. He was verbally abusive and could be very nasty, also very nice and generous. I am now treated like I’ve ran off with another man and abandoned my children. Ex says how two faced I was when he would talk about our future and retirement etc.

MIL wants my head on a stick (jokes 💀)

Stop engaging with him. Just stop. Be done.

Hoo boy, the victim mentality is strong with this one. Well, if you’re such a cruel abuser you’re doing him a massive favour by freeing him, OP. (PS are you looking forward to being able to shut your own front door and sleep in your own clean peaceful bed?)

You’ll soon be out of it - keep cool and look forward to your new life. You’ve done brilliantly so far xx

You are either a man or a woman in need of some serious readjustment in your thinking. Anyone should feel safe to say they are leaving any situation that they feel is threatening, male or female. If exit has to be carefully planned and timed, that, in itself, is an indicator of impeded freedom.

Classic DARVO, projecting his behaviour onto you!

Let him say whatever, he wants you to think he no longer cares and well done for getting out I really hope your life gets so much better now.

Ex said he will never forgive me

Really don’t understand why that would bother you.

So what he “doesn’t forgive you”
He isn’t any part of your life anymore

Its the equivalent of being told a random stranger isn’t your friend

So What? It’s not like you need forgiveness before you move on.
As for his mother, she sounds completely unhinged

Like one of those people who have lived in the same house for many many years because they want to be in control of everything and everyone around them and moving anywhere even for better prospects would mean they would lose control over their “dominion”

Not that they have dominion or control. People just pretend to listen to them and then do their own thing anyway

What’s toxic is people like you you with zero understanding of domestic abuse commenting.
Escaping domestic abuse isn’t about being nice to your abuser, it’s about keeping yourself and your children safe (& alive)

Oh yes! They always turn it back onto you!
I have a friend who’s ex actively stalks her
and is intimidating and just generally awful. She’s been filling in police reports for over a year! Suddenly this horrible man has put in a counter report claiming she’s been stalking him, police knocked her door… no evidence what so ever because she’s done nothing wrong - yet he’s telling everyone he has evidence she’s stalking him! These men are vile!

@SpamHawk - she hasn’t left the kids with him though! You’ve completely twisted the narrative to suit your judgement of OP!

What she ACTUALLY said was that her mother in law was treating her with the kind of contempt you’d expect IF she’d upped and left kids with him…

OP felt scared enough to need to plan in secret, needed to save up (financially) in secret. Had she told him a year ago of her plans he could’ve restricted money keeping her trapped. She’d also have had to put up with the behaviour he’s displaying now for a whole year! What torture for OP. She’s done very well planning her exit.
well done OP

Have you left now @PringlesForMe ? Are you and your children safe?

I let my ex husband take a job in another country, organise a house, fit it out, sort schools with kids with absolutely no intention of following him.

Felt good.

Please don't give him a key. Don't let the children give him a key. Maybe a number combination lock you can change?
Block his mother on your phone.

Following on from this… Don’t let him in.. even if he’s desperate for a pee, or he’s waiting for the kids at pickup and it’s pouring outside….
he can wait in his car….
or even better arrange pick ups and drop off somewhere .. like a supermarket car park!

Or service stations. They have food and loos.

It sounds like you are unable to recognise abusive patterns of behaviour.

Abusive or not - if a person is worried about h about their safety they have every right to plan an exit that works for them.

He's your ex. His family are your ex in-laws. You don't even have to talk to them at all, and with him you can go very low contact, only communicating by text about the children when necessary. Then you won't have to hear these stupid opinions. If he starts in on you, shut it down immediately. Just don't respond to any of his provocations. Have you heard of the gray rock technique? I think that might be the best way to deal with him. Look it up.

You know what sounds unhappy and toxic? A person who gets pleasure from attacking strangers on the internet and supporting their abusers. That's sick. Get some help.

Co-signed.

Absolutely agree with the fuck off fund.

That's the kind of person who will always believe an abused woman is lying, so of course s/he will invent alternative facts to support his/her beliefs.

Either you’ve patched it up or you haven’t. Sounds like you haven’t.

I’m really proud of you OP. When you say got your own place do you mean renting? I always worry if things go wrong and I have a house we’d have to split it 50/50.

also the fuck off fund how much do people save and how do you make sure it’s not split…

I would not give one single F in Fville what any of them think.

The first rule of misogyny - women are responsible for everything men do.