Ex said he will never forgive me

[PringlesForMe]

For secretly planning to leave him for a year. Saving money, getting a house and furniture sorted etc. I told him I wanted to separate but it did take 3 months more to get my house sorted etc, His family absolutely hate my guts and say how two faced I am, I’m a villain in his families eyes. Big reasons I had to do what I did which was a result of how Ex was treating me and speaking to me. He was verbally abusive and could be very nasty, also very nice and generous. I am now treated like I’ve ran off with another man and abandoned my children. Ex says how two faced I was when he would talk about our future and retirement etc.

MIL wants my head on a stick (jokes 💀)

Yeah, this.

Good. So he won't be hassling you to stay with him then.

He is trying emotional blackmail. Ignore it.

Tell him you "won't forgive him for (insert an example or 2) either, so now we are even". Use a different example every time he says it.

Well done for leaving. Forget what they think. Live your best life and if he has regrets that’s his problem. I doubt you just left randomly without thought so I’m sure he had his chance. Best of luck to you op and I hope you do something to celebrate 💕

Why are you even talking to him?

Communicate via text for childcare arrangements only. That’s it.

Why do you need him to forgive you? If he was as hideous as your post implies i absolutely wouldn’t care if he won’t forgive me or his family hating me, I’d be thanking my lucky stars!

Good luck at moving out at the weekend

Who cares? He's got to re write the narrative to paint you as a villain somehow, this is all he's got. Never speak to his abusive mother or any of his family again, and only talk to him through a parenting app, assuming you have kids, problem solved.

He's just mad because he didn't spot it at the time. Abusers pride themselves on knowing every move you make.

You don't need his forgiveness so it's irrelevant. It does sound as though you will need to grey rock him and his family.

Well done for making the break, good luck with the move. Make sure you have someone with you though for your safety.

She said upthread that they'll share custody.

Still weird that you care so much, OP. You did what you needed to do. They were always going to react to that.

People are allowed to leave marriages and relationships whenever they want, and the other person and their family are allowed to be upset. Tis life. Too many people treat relationship breakups like someone has to be the victim and the other the perpetrator. Good on you for leaving BTW you should never have to put up with abuse.

Oh he has said that! Also today he said “You will regret that you left,in a couple of months you will wish you had stayed”

Please take his threats seriously. What if he hurts the children to punish you?

Classic narcissist behaviour, twisting it round so it’s all on you. As a mum, if my son acted the way he did I’d be mortified, yes he’s my son but I defo wouldn’t be making you out to be the villain.

You don't need his forgiveness as you haven't done anything wrong.
He should be on his fucking KNEES asking for yours.

So he's upset you planned your escape in secret...

If YOU would crucify a man for planning to leave in secret because his much stronger partner had threated him with violence, then shame on you, but don't assume we all have such views.

OP you've freed yourself from him physically, now allow yourself to be free of him mentally, make a choice to stop caring about what he thinks.

I feel as though I should have the words "As usual, the first reply nails it" put on a hot key on my computer.

My first husband often told me while we were together how tough life is 'out there', how hard I would find it to cope on my own. How single women struggle.
I later found out he'd told my friends that I was emotionally unstable and couldn't cope with normal life stresses. Actually I found living with his obsessive and controlling requirements very stressful. Financial abuse and isolating me.
After we separated I lived alone for some years, had a career and bought some real estate, repartnered and remarried, and have a small but solid groups of friends.

His behaviour spiralled and he began being ostracised by sporting groups he'd been involved with; he got so weird he lost his job, and he has never repartnered. I see him around town sometimes, dirty and dishevelled and he is almost friendless now.
Never regretted leaving him.

Yeah he's just so messed up in the head he can't take accountability for his own actions and has to make you the monster.

I can tell you from experience - no point trying to explain yourself to him. If he was able to take on any criticism and change you wouldn't be here in the first place would you?

Learn to shrug him off and just keep moving forward without him. You won't know yourself once you're gone and that weight is lifted, and the quicker you find a way to stop giving a shit what he says and thinks the better your life will be.

Who cares what they think? You know the truth, and your ex knows this. Well done for following through.

Poor baby, how sad. Can't believe his whipping boy had the audacity to leave him. I hope the rage kills him.

Tell him that you don't forgive him for the abuse and you couldn't give a shiny shite whether he forgives you or not.

As is so often the case, the first post says all that needs to be said!

This. And see if you can get a relative or friend to be with you for your safety. Maybe he doesn't think you will go through with it at the last moment and try to stop you.

Fuck him. Fuck them. Fuck the horses they rode in on. Go and live happily ever after.