Ex said he will never forgive me

[PringlesForMe]

For secretly planning to leave him for a year. Saving money, getting a house and furniture sorted etc. I told him I wanted to separate but it did take 3 months more to get my house sorted etc, His family absolutely hate my guts and say how two faced I am, I’m a villain in his families eyes. Big reasons I had to do what I did which was a result of how Ex was treating me and speaking to me. He was verbally abusive and could be very nasty, also very nice and generous. I am now treated like I’ve ran off with another man and abandoned my children. Ex says how two faced I was when he would talk about our future and retirement etc.

MIL wants my head on a stick (jokes 💀)

He sounds like the type to be so caught up in himself that you telling him you would be leaving probably came as a massive shock to the system, right

Look, you'd probably be upset too if you'd found out that he'd stashed a load of money, sorted new accommodation etc...basically planned a new life without telling you. And if you'd come on here and posted that, you'd have been told that he was 100% cheating on you and that he was a horrible, devious prick... essentially everything that his family thinks about you now, because they've only heard one side of the story.

But you know the truth and that's all that matters. So fuck him and his family.

My (male) partner has seen a lot of scary domestic situations. He believes a woman should never tell a man directly she’s leaving him as it’s just not worth the risk. If I wanted to split I would just tell him, but he’s said before he’d completely understand if I left a note and vanished as some women we know have done. Anyone with sense and compassion would understand why you went about it the way you did, your safety always comes first whether it’s a 99% chance he flips out or a 1% chance.

You played it smart and good on you for doing so. Don’t ever doubt you did the right thing.

Are you taking your children with you OP?

I agree with PP’s that the best thing you can do is move forward with your life and ignore the lot of them.

Having said that, how would you feel if this happens to one of your children when they’re older @PringlesForMe ? Most parents are instinctively on their adult child’s side and his Mum will have heard only his version of events.

If I’m totally honest, I expect I’d be angry with their partner, esp. if I’m not aware of my adult child’s toxic.behavior in the relationship.

"Ignore any communication unless it's about the children would be my attitude". You've done so well planning and moving out.

Focus on your new life and what it can give you: safety security and freedom. He is pulling his full weaponary (digs, family etc) at this stage and do not waiver. Focus on why you are moving and what he has done for you to make these moves ,(which are not at all easy).

Only engage or talk to him in text or email where the kids are concerned.

Yes 👍 We will be sharing custody though.

Good luck for the weekend.
I hope he doesn't but please be prepared for him to completely flip and be totally nasty or angry.
Do you have someone who can be physically there with you and help you move?

Thank you. I can’t imagine him doing anything, he’s taking me and our youngest down there then he’s taking our oldest away for a few days. We are trying to be friendly but obviously he holds anger towards me for leaving him. Despite my leaving him he’s never tried to convince me to stay, I’m thankful he hasn’t though.

I think since you’re living together you just say calmly it was because of the violent threats you made, try not to threaten your next partner with x and maybe they wont have to make secret plans to leave.
if it comes up again you say I agree it’s very regrettable you threatened me.

oh well

Put him and his mother in your rear view mirror and enjoy your new peaceful life.

And you could turn round and say “and I’ll never forgive you for what you said and how you treated me so here we are”

How did you expect they’d react? Invite you round for dinner the next weekend?

Agree.

That is just the maddest take.

Women are advised to be cautious in how they escape an abusive relationship. They are most in danger during that period.

Why are you telling him stuff? Keep your own counsel. He isn't your friend.

My ex told me over 20 years ago he was going to spend the rest of his life making me miserable. Just because I wouldn't take him back after cheating. Who cares he's tried a few times but can't really do anything to hurt me.

@PringlesForMe

Angry Abuser: I will NEVER forgive you.

You: honestly, don't worry about it. It's fine. (all said in mock sympathetic tone)

That's all you need to say in this case. Nothing else.

OP remember you are not asking for forgiveness, you are trying to get him and MIL out of your life as much as you can.
Focus on that and your new life x

Why do you care?
Hes your ex, look forward.

Will share? Where are they now? I cannot vote one way or another if you left your children with a man who is unkind to you.

Well done OP. 👏I love reading these posts where women have left absolute bastards. Obviously I don't love the shit you're getting off him now but he'll get used to it. I hope you thoroughly enjoy your turd-free life. 😁

Well done for getting away from these chimpanzees. Sound like trash people. No contact as much as possible. I'd get a pay go phone for custody and no contact otherwise. Block his number on your main phone and check social media especially facebook for restriction settings.
His/ their behaviour vindicates your prep.

I don’t think you did anything wrong but…. Thinking about it, this isn’t that much different than the OP’s DP on the other thread who wanted to give the OP “One last nice week” before dumping her. Everyone is rightly calling her ex DP a psycho etc but is that really any different?

What are you going to do with your new freedom? Do you have any plans, a new focus, something to look forward to? You don't have to make enemies of his family if you don't want, just because they do. You can just do nothing about them. Put your energy elsewhere. After my last breakup, I decided to learn the piano, then ended up playing in a reggae band, it's done wonders for my social life and mental well being, I didn't imagine I'd be playing on stage at little festivals in my 50's. Suddenly life became really good fun.