Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

[hazelowens]

My ex husband is getting married in December and he has told our sons he wants them in suits, all the same colour, can be any colour but he wants them to all be the same, the boys have suits but they aren't the same colour and when the soon to be 18 yr old told him that the suits were all different colours he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding. We have told the boys that all we wanted from them at the wedding to come in something they are comfortable in. We aren't having a big wedding and my other half who is well known for wearing shorts and sandals in all weathers has said that for the official bit he will be wearing a suit as he wants to look nice for me and he wants the boys to look nice again for me but he doesn't want them looking identical and uncomfortable. I've told him he can wear shorts, Hawaiian shirt with sandals at the reception and if the boys want to they can change into something comfier aswell.

The boys are 18, 21 and 24

I really want to send him a message to stop being a tight fisted arsehole and either buy them suits or hire them.

If their father wants to dictate the sort of suits they wear, he needs to pay.

Yup, see above. I agree

If he wants them in suits then definitely he has to pay for them !

Are you getting married again too op?

Your posts quite confusing? Are you also getting married? Perhaps he was hoping you'd buy them suits and then they'd wear them for his wedding too?

Either way - his wedding, his responsibility to buy them.

You don't pay for the suits he wants, obviously. Your ex has no say at all in anything you choose to buy for yourself or your children.

He can buy them! Tight arse

Not your circus,

Yes but not until next year we haven't even thought of a date yet.

Also to add him and his fiance both work full time on decent money. I am disabled and my partner is my carer so we don't have a lot of money to be buying suits that aren't for our wedding.

I feel a bit sorry for your sons caught in the middle.

Turn it round. Don't tell him to buy suits or hire them. Tell him they will be getting suits but not matching ones for your wedding, and leave it there.

Also check with your sons first that they would actually prefer to all choose their own separately, if you haven't already. Don't assume that they don't want to match, or you'll look like you're the one picking a fight.

Stay out of it.

Just make sure your DC all know that you don't expect them to be in matching suits (or any kind of suit!) for your wedding.

Your ex can do whatever he likes from there. Cheeky git

They do not want to match, the eldest would want to wear a black suit, the youngest the exact opposite as the oldest, the pair of them have fallen out over something and if the oldest said the sky was blue and the grass is green he would argue with him about it. Right now the youngest thinks his oldest brother is a complete idiot. The middle one would want to wear a bright purple suit and green shirt like the joker as anything that can get him noticed the better.

It wouldn’t matter if you had billions. It’s his wedding. He buys suits if he wants his sons to match.

Otherwise they wear what they have in their closets.

None of this is your battle at all, don't communicate at all with your dh about anything beyond absolutely necessary and tell your sons they will have to sort it out issues with their dad with their dad.

Don’t put the boys in the middle. Message their dad and say hi Joe, there seems to be a misunderstanding, we aren’t making the boys all wear the same thing for our wedding, we have told them we want them to be comfortable. So we won’t be buying them new suits. Hazel.

Definitely DO not communicate with your ex, he is a controlling shitwit and thinks he can get round you.

Every one of your sons is an adult and every one knows what their father is like. Not your job to mediate, at all. And, as you say, they don't want to do what their father wants anyway.

Completely 100 percent an ex husband problem. Don't respond to his demands or comments on it at all.

If he has something specific he wants them to wear he needs to arrange it, not you. They are all adults so it's a bit odd to be dictating what they wear, and dressing them matching like they are little children anyways.

Tell your sons that they can wear whatever they want to your wedding. And tell them that if their father imposes a dress code for his then he should pay for it.

Then stay out it it.

What a cheeky fucker, though. I'd like you to wear identical suits for my wedding so your mother can buy them for you.

All the kids are 18 and over, they’re adults. I can’t see why you need to communicate with him about anything. He can arrange it with them if he wants, but I’d tell him the arrangements are nothing to do with you and he can work it out with them.

This.

All of your offspring are adults. As difficult as it may be, I think you step out of their relationship with their father. Let them know clearly that you don’t want them in matching clothing for your wedding. They can tell their father if they don’t have money/don’t want to buy new suits. He can then decide what he wants to do.

They are all adults - why are you getting involved? They can talk to their Dad directly, just make clear to them that you won’t be shelling out

I thought the boys were going to be under 18. Even if they were, agree with PP - exH needs to see that this is his wedding, his dress code, his cost!

“he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding.”

How was this message conveyed to you? If he told your DSs, they are old enough to say to him that they will all be wearing something different for your wedding, and he can hire and pay for something specific if that’s what he wants them in for his wedding. If he communicated in some other way, then send the answer via the same method (text/phone/whatever). There is no way that you should be having anything whatsoever to do with his wedding!! You don’t need to be rude, but just let him know that you have absolutely no intention of getting matching suits for his wedding - that’s entirely up to him.

Your kids are adults let them communicate with their father.