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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

190 replies

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 01:42

My ex husband is getting married in December and he has told our sons he wants them in suits, all the same colour, can be any colour but he wants them to all be the same, the boys have suits but they aren't the same colour and when the soon to be 18 yr old told him that the suits were all different colours he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding. We have told the boys that all we wanted from them at the wedding to come in something they are comfortable in. We aren't having a big wedding and my other half who is well known for wearing shorts and sandals in all weathers has said that for the official bit he will be wearing a suit as he wants to look nice for me and he wants the boys to look nice again for me but he doesn't want them looking identical and uncomfortable. I've told him he can wear shorts, Hawaiian shirt with sandals at the reception and if the boys want to they can change into something comfier aswell.

The boys are 18, 21 and 24

I really want to send him a message to stop being a tight fisted arsehole and either buy them suits or hire them.

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 17/07/2025 05:06

Your ex wedding isn’t any of your concern and sending a message through your sons is not acceptable behaviour.

just let your sons know they are adults and you’ll not be getting involved in your ex wedding as it’s not your event. Your sons need to sort out with him themselves what is happening.

FrostiesAreCornflakesForPeopleWhoCantFaceReality · 17/07/2025 05:08

Why are you even entertaining a conversation about this? Why have your sons? They’re adults, they’re presumably capable of pointing out to their dad suits for his wedding isn’t their mother's responsibility.

whynotmereally · 17/07/2025 05:21

If dad wants matching suits he pays or sons pay if they are happy to. It’s no concern of yours . Then same for your wedding, can you imagine saying to your ex “buy our sons suits for my wedding!”

Id message and say ds mentioned new suits, you can’t afford new suits so you are having them in suits they own for your wedding. And leave him to figure logistics for his wedding.

BlueMum16 · 17/07/2025 05:22

It's the ex H wedding and your DC are all adults. Not sure why you are expecting to buy their suits?

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 17/07/2025 05:24

99bottlesofkombucha · 17/07/2025 02:46

Don’t put the boys in the middle. Message their dad and say hi Joe, there seems to be a misunderstanding, we aren’t making the boys all wear the same thing for our wedding, we have told them we want them to be comfortable. So we won’t be buying them new suits. Hazel.

This is all you need to do

arcticpandas · 17/07/2025 05:28

Tell their dad: "If you have special requirements for our sons' suits I count on you to sort that out with them. I am not involved in your wedding nor do I plan to be."
Then Grey rock.

Itsnottheheatitsthehumidity · 17/07/2025 05:41

Why do they all have to look the same? Young adults are individuals,with their own taste. I'm all for the Joker suit actually, if it means your middle son feels comfortable. If your ex wants them in identical suits he should pay for them. CF, honestly.

Snellytheelephant · 17/07/2025 05:58

You are not unreasonable at all. I don’t understand why his first thought is that their mum would buy them a suit - they are fully grown adults! How patronising for them. Also, unless they are part of the wedding party (in which case I’d assume they’d be wearing the same colour as their dad), why should they be matching? And if they are part of the wedding party, that’s the wedding couple’s responsibility to sort, not yours. Definitely stand your ground!

NoraLuka · 17/07/2025 06:06

I thought this was going to be about little kids, but no, they are grown men! All OP needs to do is stay out of it, and possibly message ex telling him that’s what she’ll be doing so the sons aren’t caught in the middle.

purpleygrey · 17/07/2025 06:07

why the fuck is it your responsibility to pay for them.

your ex is a knob.

tripleginandtonic · 17/07/2025 06:09

So send him that message OP

Luddite26 · 17/07/2025 06:19

Geraldina · 17/07/2025 02:27

I feel a bit sorry for your sons caught in the middle.

Turn it round. Don't tell him to buy suits or hire them. Tell him they will be getting suits but not matching ones for your wedding, and leave it there.

Also check with your sons first that they would actually prefer to all choose their own separately, if you haven't already. Don't assume that they don't want to match, or you'll look like you're the one picking a fight.

The sons are also old enough to buy their own suits. And sort their demanding father out. His wishes are nothing to do with OP. She isn't putting them in the middle of anything.

Moonnstars · 17/07/2025 06:27

It's nothing to do with you. The boys are old enough to communicate with their dad and need to speak up. I thought they were going to be young children, not adults. Next time they see their dad they need to say we don't want matching suits, though for many weddings this is the norm that the main figures wear matching but the groom usually pays for this.

Clarinet1 · 17/07/2025 06:30

This sounds as though your Ex is continuing to try to control you after the divorce.
As PP have said he has no say in what you do anymore and his arrangements and preferences for his wedding are up to him and his to pay for.

Selttan · 17/07/2025 06:34

I think all you need to respond is that if there is a dress code for the wedding it’s up to their Dad to sort.
I understand not wanting to put them in the middle but they are not little kids.

Digdongdoo · 17/07/2025 06:34

They're adult men. Tell your ex once that you aren't buying them matching suits and stay out of it. Especially the older two, they're old enough not to make it your problem in the first place!

AnotherDayAnotherDog · 17/07/2025 06:37

Just tell Ex to sort it out with the lads on his own. Nothing to do with you.

TwoPointOh · 17/07/2025 06:38

Richiewoo · 17/07/2025 04:59

Your kids are adults let them communicate with their father.

Exactly. I can’t understand why you are in the conversation discussing what they are going to wear to someone else’s wedding and what they might wear to a wedding that isn’t planned yet.

Farmwifefarmlife · 17/07/2025 06:42

RosesAndHellebores · 17/07/2025 01:46

If their father wants to dictate the sort of suits they wear, he needs to pay.

100%

HappilyUrbanTrimmer · 17/07/2025 06:44

His wedding. The budget for what he wants his sons to wear is his problem not yours. As are any arguments that need to be had to persuade the 3 of them to dress to his tastes rather than their own. Let your ex know that you'll not be putting a moment of though or a penny of funding into his wedding plans, and leave him to it.

JustMyView13 · 17/07/2025 06:46

Said with kindness, this actually has nothing to do with you. And I realise your Ex has tried to drag you in by telling your (adult!) sons to get you to pay. But simply, this is between your DS’s and their DF. If there is a dress code to adhere to, then their DF must persuade them to participate and fund it.
If he’s happy for them to wear anything, then they can utilise something from their wardrobes. Or, as adult men, they can buy their own outfits if they prefer something new.
None of these scenarios have anything to do with you. Not your wedding, not your problem.

I wouldn’t send a message, I’d just say: Guys, it’s your dads wedding, if he wants you to wear a specific outfit, that’s between you and him to arrange and discuss. If you’re not comfortable with his suggestion, tell him. But I’m not getting involved.

NewGoldFox · 17/07/2025 06:47

They’re a bit old for matching suits no?

yakkity · 17/07/2025 06:48

How peculiar. His wedding. His request. His purchase.

since when do people go around asking their ex to purchase clothes for their wedding? Madness. Does he want you to pay for the venue as well? How about catering? Nut

TourdeFrance25 · 17/07/2025 06:52

Geraldina · 17/07/2025 02:27

I feel a bit sorry for your sons caught in the middle.

Turn it round. Don't tell him to buy suits or hire them. Tell him they will be getting suits but not matching ones for your wedding, and leave it there.

Also check with your sons first that they would actually prefer to all choose their own separately, if you haven't already. Don't assume that they don't want to match, or you'll look like you're the one picking a fight.

Suits for HIS wedding aren't HER problem.

What she chooses first HER wedding is up to her.

@hazelowens what A Twat. At least he's your EX. Poor woman stupid enough to marry him. Tell the tight fisted idiot to buy/ rent the suits he wants them to wear in December. You'll not be buying matching suits and not buying anything at all until next year. Twat.

BlueBelle7979 · 17/07/2025 06:52

Tell him he's free to get whatever suits he wants for the boys, and you'll do the same for your wedding. Idiot that he is!

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