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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

190 replies

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 01:42

My ex husband is getting married in December and he has told our sons he wants them in suits, all the same colour, can be any colour but he wants them to all be the same, the boys have suits but they aren't the same colour and when the soon to be 18 yr old told him that the suits were all different colours he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding. We have told the boys that all we wanted from them at the wedding to come in something they are comfortable in. We aren't having a big wedding and my other half who is well known for wearing shorts and sandals in all weathers has said that for the official bit he will be wearing a suit as he wants to look nice for me and he wants the boys to look nice again for me but he doesn't want them looking identical and uncomfortable. I've told him he can wear shorts, Hawaiian shirt with sandals at the reception and if the boys want to they can change into something comfier aswell.

The boys are 18, 21 and 24

I really want to send him a message to stop being a tight fisted arsehole and either buy them suits or hire them.

OP posts:
ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 17/07/2025 08:41

Dear Cheeky Fucker Ex husband,

The boys have told me that you have a theme for your wedding & want them in all matching suits. Thank you so much for organising & paying for this, I'm sure they'll look great.

My future wedding won't be so polished as yours & the boys will wear the suits they already have. So generous of you to offer to buy them suits for your wedding.

Have a lovely celebration

@hazelowens

SweetnsourNZ · 17/07/2025 08:44

Geraldina · 17/07/2025 02:27

I feel a bit sorry for your sons caught in the middle.

Turn it round. Don't tell him to buy suits or hire them. Tell him they will be getting suits but not matching ones for your wedding, and leave it there.

Also check with your sons first that they would actually prefer to all choose their own separately, if you haven't already. Don't assume that they don't want to match, or you'll look like you're the one picking a fight.

At that age I would think they wouldn't want to be in identical suits, unless groomsmen. Also why would you want them to look the same in both weddings (especially. thinking of photos). Tell the ex you are going to rent suits for your wedding if he keeps on.

ConspicuouslyLawAbidingWoman · 17/07/2025 08:45

The grown ups will point out the boys are adults and you should stay out of it

but might I suggest malicious compliance? Buy them all (non matching) Christmas themed suits via vinted. It’s a December wedding and he wanted them on theme right?

PigletJohn · 17/07/2025 08:48

"The boys are 18, 21 and 24"

They are not boys, they are men.

They are beyond the age when anybody can dictate what they wear

Unless they are in prison, or other institution.

Epidote · 17/07/2025 08:49

He buy them the suits.

Goldengirl123 · 17/07/2025 08:49

hazelowens · 17/07/2025 02:36

They do not want to match, the eldest would want to wear a black suit, the youngest the exact opposite as the oldest, the pair of them have fallen out over something and if the oldest said the sky was blue and the grass is green he would argue with him about it. Right now the youngest thinks his oldest brother is a complete idiot. The middle one would want to wear a bright purple suit and green shirt like the joker as anything that can get him noticed the better.

Show quote history

Oh please let them all wear matching suits like the Joker. Well he did say he wanted them to match! 😂😂😂😂

On a serious note, he should buy the suits, not you. Also the boys are old enough to buy their own clothes so why is he telling them to get you to buy them?

Vaxtable · 17/07/2025 08:51

Just tell the kids you are not buying suits for them as they can wear what they already have to your wedding and to let their dad know that

if dad wants matching suits he buys/hires them

MrsMoastyToasty · 17/07/2025 08:52

Dear Ex,

I suggest you take the matter of suits up with your sons. They are adults, in case you have forgotten. I will not be getting involved.

Regards

ErrolTheDragon · 17/07/2025 08:59

Why would you be responsible for buying suits for 3 adults for someone else’s wedding, especially as it sounds like they don’t like being matchy-matchy?

Obviously it’s up to your ex to discuss this with his sons, and shell out if it matters so much to him, and if they’ll agree to wear matching suits.

ClarasSisters · 17/07/2025 09:00

"Hey cockface, if you want identikit suits for your wedding you pay, hire them or buy them I don't care. My wedding is none of your business."

That'll do.

LoveHeartsFan · 17/07/2025 09:04

We’ve had the bridezilla threads. This man is a groomzilla!

They’re grown men - he’s treating them like little boys. They use what they have or buy or hire whatever they want to wear and will get use of afterwards: if he wants a specific look because they’re part of the wedding party - there would be no reason otherwise - then he needs to go out with them and help them choose and put his hands in his pockets.

That’ll make him realise the idea is absurd!

Opheliaaffrighted · 17/07/2025 09:04

Has he asked you to buy your sons new matching suits for his wedding?

bridgetreilly · 17/07/2025 09:05

I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a Groomzilla before but you seem to have found one. The rule, as always, is if you are dictating what anyone wears to your wedding, you pay for it.

SheridansPortSalut · 17/07/2025 09:06

They're all adults. You can make it clear to all involved that what they wear to his wedding doesn't involve you.

I can see why he's an ex.

GAJLY · 17/07/2025 09:06

99bottlesofkombucha · 17/07/2025 02:46

Don’t put the boys in the middle. Message their dad and say hi Joe, there seems to be a misunderstanding, we aren’t making the boys all wear the same thing for our wedding, we have told them we want them to be comfortable. So we won’t be buying them new suits. Hazel.

This is perfect. Just tell ex husband this. It's up to him if he wants to buy them matching suits.

WitchesofPainswick · 17/07/2025 09:10

It's nothing to do with you - they need to talk to him about it. Not your circus.

Soulfulunfurling · 17/07/2025 09:10

I would text him and include your sons.

’Congratulations on your wedding day xx, I hope it goes well.

Just to confirm we won’t be buying suits for the boys for our wedding, it will be very casual.

If you would like them to have matching suits for your wedding day, please make the necessary arrangements to hire or buy.

Otherwise they all have nice suits pressed and ready to wear at home instead. All the best op’

Soulfulunfurling · 17/07/2025 09:12

I would message because it’s not fair on your sons being put in any kind of difficult position. This message makes it clear and ensures you stay out of any further decisions.

Your ex is one cheeky fucker op.

rwalker · 17/07/2025 09:14

Nothing to do with you there all adults

ThankULord · 17/07/2025 09:20

I don't see what people wear to your ex's wedding has to you with you!!!

Whether they are your joint kids or not.
AND DC ARE ALL ADULTS. I am trying to understand why are you giving this oxygen or bothering yourself.

I would completely ignore. It has nothing to do with me. DC are adults. In my mind I may or may not wish you a happy married life, like i said, nothing to do with me.

Tumblingthrough · 17/07/2025 09:20

Do not communicate with him, your boys are adults so let them deal with this.

Standing up to others is a good life skill

SpryCat · 17/07/2025 09:20

Your ex is wanting a reaction, a message from your adults sons, to then create a row about his wedding, to make you look like you’re jealous.
He’s using them as weapons, your sons are adults though, you don’t need to interfere or fight any battles over them.
You simply let go off the rope, tell sons, it’s nothing to do with you.
Job done!

NortieTortie · 17/07/2025 09:22

I don't understand. They're adults. Except for maybe the 18 year old, why aren't they buying their own suits and dealing with Dad themselves?

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 17/07/2025 09:28

rwalker · 17/07/2025 09:14

Nothing to do with you there all adults

This. What a CF your ex is. Even if you did want them in the same matching suits for your own wedding, why should you buy them all for the benefit of your ex’s wedding? By his logic that situation equates to 50/50 at the very least.

It would be a no from me. They are all grown men now able to see what a CF their dad is. To stop them being made to feel like this is their fault you should message your ex saying you aren’t having them in matching suits for you wedding, so if he wants them he needs to buy them, let the boys wear the suits they’ve got, or expect that the boys buy their own now they are adults (which would be an AH move on his part…. But you saying it shows that they are now grown adults and his relationship with them is no longer facilitated by you). If he gets arsey after that you can point out that you aren’t expecting him to contribute in anyway to your wedding and you’re surprised he expects you to contribute to his.

MoveOverToTheSea · 17/07/2025 09:35

YY theyre all over 18yo.
You dint have to run around to ‘sort a suit for them’. That era isn’t anymore.

They need to deal with their dad. And your ex needs to stop offloading his responsibility/work onto you.