Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

[hazelowens]

My ex husband is getting married in December and he has told our sons he wants them in suits, all the same colour, can be any colour but he wants them to all be the same, the boys have suits but they aren't the same colour and when the soon to be 18 yr old told him that the suits were all different colours he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding. We have told the boys that all we wanted from them at the wedding to come in something they are comfortable in. We aren't having a big wedding and my other half who is well known for wearing shorts and sandals in all weathers has said that for the official bit he will be wearing a suit as he wants to look nice for me and he wants the boys to look nice again for me but he doesn't want them looking identical and uncomfortable. I've told him he can wear shorts, Hawaiian shirt with sandals at the reception and if the boys want to they can change into something comfier aswell.

The boys are 18, 21 and 24

I really want to send him a message to stop being a tight fisted arsehole and either buy them suits or hire them.

Exactly this!

Wind your neck in! They're getting married, not you. Not the OP's first time either. So I'm sure they know what THEY want at THEIR wedding. I'd much rather go to the OP's wedding than a brides with a stick up her arse!!

To be honest they might be. I didn't take any offence. Knew what you meant lol.

Sorry, I am late to this thread but why do you have to buy the suites, why can they not buy there own, they are all adults.
Your ex is a cheeky sod in the first place telling them to ask their Mum, also if he is so desperate for them to have matching suits he can pay them.

You do not need to be involved they are adults.
If he wants to discuss with them it is between him and them who pays etc or whether they ho or not and what they wear or don't wear
Nothing to do with you at all
Stay out of the conversation

on the surface that's funny & made me laugh, but brothers not getting sling as adults is sad actually, hopefully they'll grow up & out of it!

though still waiting for my little brother to grow up! ( it's a shame it hasn't happened yet, he's 52!!)

My other half 2 years ago was at some airport/airplane flying show and all over Facebook there were pictures of him asking anyone know this guy, as he was in shorts and sandals but a hat scarf and his collar up on his jacket to protect his neck and it was raining and cold, they all thought he was nuts, he is but he doesn't feel the cold on his legs. So he changed his photography business to shorts and sandals lol

This , they need to tell their father that they are not buying new suits so if he wants them all in the same colour then he will have to buy them new suits . This is nothing to do with you .

If dad wants matching suits he provides them.

If you have to message him I’d just say you are not even buying suits for your wedding.

Hey ex. The boys have said you want me to buy matching suits for my wedding so they can wear them at yours? Must be a miscommunication as I’m not even making them wear suits unless they want to. Hopefully you have enough time to find some nice ones for them to go with your theme.

The boys are 18, 21 and 24

They’re adults not ‘boys’. If dad wants them to wear something specific, the conversation is between him and them and he pays for new stuff or hires it.

They are adults. They can buy their own suits, or not. 🤷‍♀️

I agree. I assume they’re working so they are adults. They choose what to wear, not mum or dad. I’d just keep out of it and let him either buy them suits or they choose their own. Personally I would choose my own.

This absolutely

I'd message him and say that you weren't budgeting for any suit buying as your own wedding is going to be a much more casual dress occasion, so if he wants them to wear anything in particular he should get it himself.

But then matching bright tropical print suits 🤪

Ive only read the first page. What is the normal wedding etiquette for clothing?

I thought most of the time there is a dress code and guests will get their own attire, is that right?

Your children are adults so they can decide for themselves if they want to adhere to the dress code or not. I dont see how this involves you at all?

However on the other hand I see on threads on here about bridesmaids dresses being supplied by the bride and groom so thats the opposite.

Stay completely out of it unless he contacts you. Then act baffled and say you hadn’t thought about it but since he’s getting married first then maybe the boys can wear the suits he’s buying if they want to.

Anyway unless you are getting married in the winter then the suits are most unlikely to be suitable anyway.

January sales often have bargains. Oh, wait…😂

💯 %. Dad pays if he’s calling the shots!

I don't really get why OPs dodging the obvious here A) why is she even involved in this/hasn't forwarded it back to their father & B) why would the kids be having an opinion if the wedding is themed = formal/casual/black suites-red ties then that's what they'll be wearing even if it was an aunt & uncles wedding cause sometimes you just have to go along with this shit

What? Why would you buy suits for 3 adults to wear to an event? Surely they can buy their own suits or their father can if he's insisting they wear something specific?!

Ignore him.

What the fuck is wrong with you? Lord forbid people have the wedding they want instead of some identikit nonsense to suit other people's ideas of what a wedding ought to look like.

He can pay if he wants them in something specific. That’s how weddings work. Alternatively, as they are adults, they can buy their own suits. But it’s certainly not for his ex to buy their suits.

YANBU. If he wants something specific he can pay.

I am involved as he told my youngest to tell me that the boys needed suits for December as he is getting married. I have told the boys that I can't afford to buy them suits for a wedding that isn't my responsibility it's their dad's. As I expected the oldest has sided with his dad and why can't I just do this one thing for him. Middle has said he isn't going as he doesn't want to and youngest has said he'll buy his own suit.

I am not messaging my ex about this as unless I go with what he wants I'm all the awkward so and so's. So I'll just be awkward in silence.