Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

[hazelowens]

My ex husband is getting married in December and he has told our sons he wants them in suits, all the same colour, can be any colour but he wants them to all be the same, the boys have suits but they aren't the same colour and when the soon to be 18 yr old told him that the suits were all different colours he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding. We have told the boys that all we wanted from them at the wedding to come in something they are comfortable in. We aren't having a big wedding and my other half who is well known for wearing shorts and sandals in all weathers has said that for the official bit he will be wearing a suit as he wants to look nice for me and he wants the boys to look nice again for me but he doesn't want them looking identical and uncomfortable. I've told him he can wear shorts, Hawaiian shirt with sandals at the reception and if the boys want to they can change into something comfier aswell.

The boys are 18, 21 and 24

I really want to send him a message to stop being a tight fisted arsehole and either buy them suits or hire them.

99bottlesofkombucha

Don’t put the boys in the middle. Message their dad and say hi Joe, there seems to be a misunderstanding, we aren’t making the boys all wear the same thing for our wedding, we have told them we want them to be comfortable. So we won’t be buying them new suits. Hazel.

This is good!

They are adults though.
It’s totally rigut yo say it’s not fair theyre caught in the middle when they are 10 or 15yo.
But now they, unfortunately, have to deal with their dad for who he is. Even when is a twat.

You do not need to call/text/message him ANYTHING or explain anything.

His wedding has absolutely nothing to do with yours and vice versa. He needs no explanation about what you plan to do for your wedding. It has nothing to do with him.

I suspect that you have usually allowed yourself to get involved in his problems that he tries to make your problems that's why he has the audacity to demand your ADULT DC tell you to buy them suits for HIS WEDDING. And I also suspect your DC have grown up watching this dynamic that's why they passed on the message.

Ignore, ignore, ignore. It's his wedding not yours.

Your ex is being a groomzilla!

I think this might be an appropriate matter for a "Not my circus, not my monkeys" response.

Totally agree with this!

Yes this, he is causing chaos isn"t he ? Probably always has.

Also add... If you want the wedding party to be in matching suits it is quite the norm to hire them.

If you were being gaody you could say... Also im not using my disabled benefits to fund your wedding outfits. You're well able to fund these yourself.

I'd be telling DSs if they wanted to wear Hawaiian shirts or inflatable dinosaur suits I wouldn't give a rat's arse. Let them wear what they want, but you're not paying for matchy matchy suits that they will wear once. That's nuts.

They are 18, 21 and 24. There is no conversation to be had, and the only message you need to send to your ex husband regarding his demand that you purchase three suits for grown men in a colour of his choosing, is silence.

There is no conversation to be had with him. You can tell the lads that they have suits, and you won't be purchasing three new suits, but if their dad would like to that's of course his business. They can wear what they like, in your opinion.

The end.

Up to the boys and their dad surely what they wear to his wedding. Considering they are all adult men, they can figure it out for themselves what clothing they will wear to an event and what they need to purchase.
I wouldn't even get involved in this. If 4 adult men can't work out an outfit for a one day event then that is entirely their problem.

They’re adults. I don’t see any need for you to communicate with your ex about their clothing. I would let him know it’s his wedding and you have no wish to discuss his choices.

The sons already have their own none matching suits.

I’m guessing this is how your ex has needled you in the past, message through your sons and then you either comply or get sons to relay your message back?
This is damaging, they’ve been assigned roles, piggy in the middle. The saying, ‘the messenger always gets shot’, is very apt,
Your sons are all adults, the days of you communicating to ex is over.
Your ex can’t try to assert his control, his relationship with your sons, is his, if he doesn’t want to buy them suits for his wedding, is up to him and sons to sort out.
Stop getting involved!
Tell sons, they are men now, if ex doesn’t want to buy them suits for his wedding, that’s none of your business, they have to sort it out with their dad. If they feel it’s unfair, decide they want to wear chicken outfits, or to not bother going, they sort it out with him.

I would tell him the what the boys would be wearing (their choice of suits they already have). If that's a issue for him then he can buy them new suits or hire for the day.

Grown man wants you to buy three grown men matching suits for his wedding.

Nah.

Up to your exh to buy suits if he’s so bothered!

Also agree with others that it’s for the adult children to communicate with their own dad.

This

I'm guessing he doesn't want to buy new suits & then them also be worn at your wedding?

Ex buys your sons new suits if he wants them looking a certain way .
This is not up to you whatsoever.
The cheek of that tell him straight to sort his own wedding outfits out.

Surely you just send him a laughing emoji? End of chat.
Not your circus not your monkeys.

*not implying your dc are chimps BTW...

First post nails it.

Absolutely this

You really don’t need to be interacting with your ex anymore. All your kids are adults.

Obviously their dad pays. Are you even going to the wedding, OP?

Well done for escaping the clutches of this skinflint!