Am I being unreasonable not buying new suits for their dads wedding

[hazelowens]

My ex husband is getting married in December and he has told our sons he wants them in suits, all the same colour, can be any colour but he wants them to all be the same, the boys have suits but they aren't the same colour and when the soon to be 18 yr old told him that the suits were all different colours he just said get your mum to buy you new ones as she'll want you in suits for her wedding. We have told the boys that all we wanted from them at the wedding to come in something they are comfortable in. We aren't having a big wedding and my other half who is well known for wearing shorts and sandals in all weathers has said that for the official bit he will be wearing a suit as he wants to look nice for me and he wants the boys to look nice again for me but he doesn't want them looking identical and uncomfortable. I've told him he can wear shorts, Hawaiian shirt with sandals at the reception and if the boys want to they can change into something comfier aswell.

The boys are 18, 21 and 24

I really want to send him a message to stop being a tight fisted arsehole and either buy them suits or hire them.

Why can't his dad do just this one thing for him, I guess? It's his wedding and your eldest must surely be aware that he is much better off than you.

Yes this is what I was thinking. The 18 and 21 year old may still be in full time education so perhaps be a bit skint but the 24 year old should be able to buy their own?

Our oldest can't see the wood for the trees where his dad is concerned. He thinks he is the best guy ever . So it his dad has told him it's my responsibility to buy the suits he will not change his opinion unless his dad tells him. I thought him moving into his own place would make him grow up but nope.

If I say it's his dad's wedding so if he wants them in suits and they are part of the bridal party then it's his dad and soon to be step mum responsibility. He will say his dad is paying for everything else why can't I do this for him. It I say anything bad about him it's because I hate his soon to be wife, nope just feel sorry for her now as she with be the 3rd Mrs Owens. The previous 2 have tried to warn her god the 1st one tried to warn me, I should have listened.

The 18 yr old has more money than us lol. 21 yr is a poor student and I don't know what the 24 yr old does with money as he is always complaining he is skint.

@hazelowens at 24 he should be embarrassed even asking his mum to buy a suit for him to wear to her ex husbands wedding

Honestly!

Or, should know that this has absolutely nothing to do with his DM.

Just tell your boys no you can't afford it and it's dads responsibility sorry

It's HIS wedding and HIS son's that he wants wearing identical suits, so therefore he pays. Why should you pay for suits for your son's to wear to your exes wedding, that has zero to do with you!!! Cheeky bugger!!

OP this is a great learning mission for your son's

Hopefully they already understand money and appreciate it doesn't grow on trees.
Say to all sons that this wedding is nothing to do with you ,you can't afford new suits. They won't need new suits for your wedding.

Encourage your sons to stand up for themselves that they don't want to match and it won't be paid for by you .

I wouldn't keep on about 'not affording it' as that's irrelevant. Is her EX's wedding, even if she was loaded it's got nothing to do with her. If HE wants them in matching suits for HIS wedding then HE pays.

Your eldest needs to stop behaving like he's 14. 24 is plenty old enough to understand his Dads wedding is his Dads expense, not yours.

His wedding = His responsibility.

Well it sounds like you are happy with what they have for your wedding so if your ex is saying it will be needed for your wedding you let him ( and them) know the suits they have are fine for your wedding. So as far as you are concerned it is all sorted. Either dad pays or they pay if it matters that much

Its his wedding, and your sons are more than old enough to buy their own suits. Id just ignore it.

Why didnt you say though, that its not anyones responsibility to kit them out for a wedding, they are grown adults, do they know this? Its not about what you or the dad wants, you buy your own clothing to go to events.

So many threads on here about grown adults still being treated like children. Buying clothes for them is their job, no one elses.