Would you want to interact with a much older mum at the school gate

[NopeIWontEnterAUsername]

I'm 47 and Dc is joining school in September. I will probably be the oldest mum there and possibly old enough to be the mum of some of the other parents!! At dc's settling-in sessions every one looked so young.

I know it shouldn't bother me. I'm not worried that anyone would be rude or unpleasant because of my age. I'm also not bothered about making friends at the school gate but it would be nice to have people to chat and exchange notes with while waiting and I don't want dc to miss out in any way because the other parents can't be arsed to hang out with me. I mean, for example considering how young they are if anyone invites dc for a play date they'd have to put up with me tagging along as well.

I'm also not white (first generation immigrant) but live in a predominantly white area (and the school's demographics look very homogenous to me) and I wonder if that will be a factor as well.

I know it's a controversial subject and it would be easy to say that "yes, of course, I don't care about age or colour" but actually I'd love brutally honest answers. I'm not exactly sure what I'm asking but maybe something like this: if you had a choice would you prefer talking to someone who is of a similar age and a similar background or ethnicity? Or do you feel more comfortable talking to someone who is of similar age and has a similar background?

Yanbu: yes
Yabu: no

My youngest DC is starting school in September and I am 41, also not white in a very white area. I don't find my age or race to be an issue but there are a number of other mums a similar age to me. My mum friends with kids the same age as mine are 43,44 and 45 as well as early 30s. Don't overthink it.

I would say the younger mums are in the minority these days. I do find the younger ones tend to stick together though but that's not an issue. They probably because they're out numbered.
There is a younger mum that I talk to because our children are friends - I'm old enough to be her mother by a fair stretch but we get along well.

I'm only at school as a grandparent these days so I don't think you'll be the oldest! I think people are often more likely to chat to an older person, or perhaps I just find it easier than I did when I was younger.

This post strikes a chord with me!

I'm 43 &, obviously I don't know everybody but as far as I can work out, 'm the oldest mum. We just have young mums at my kids school.

OP I'm very shy & awkward & have really had to 'push' myself to chat to other mums. Since I'd been observing (& too scared to talk!) I knew who the cliques were.

So I made myself chat to anybody (any ethnicity, colour, age, my criteria (in my head) was 'Are they standing alone?'

Now, I have loads of mums who I will chat to. And who come & chat to me.

I have also made a conscious effort to chat to the few grandmas too... These range from my own grandparents kind of age & just a few years older than me... & (Total honesty here) I did notice that nobody else chatted to them.

I'm sure that you will be absolutely fine

You’ll be fine .
I could’tbvote as your question was unclear

I was almost 44 when had mini blondes. So 48.5 when she went to school and now she’s 8 and I’m 52 at the weekend

one of the mums is 28 and a great friend

yes I could be her mum

our 8 daughters adore each other

so please don’t worry @NopeIWontEnterAUsername

yes I’m prob the eldest in the class. I speak to all the mums. Doesn’t matter what age

There will be lots of grandparents doing pick up, some of whom will be a similar age to you. You might not click with the mums, but there will be someone there at a similar stage.

I speak to anyone who’s friendly!

This ⬆️⬆️⬆️⬆️

I get on great with the mum of DD's best friend. She's 22, I'm 44. Yes we have quite different lives but we have enough in common and shared interests. You're overthinking it!

I made the massive mistake of assuming one of the mums was a child’s nan!! They were year one and I was considered a younger mum and she is about 15 years older than me.
She forgave me and we are still friends the girls are 18 this year!
Honestly age is just a number once your adults and even more I think once you have kids the same age

I think you are going to get mixed responses to your poll because the question in the title is different to your yes/ no at the end. But when my children started school, I knew quite a few parents who’d had their children in their forties. I had mine in my early thirties and there were lots of parents ten plus years older than me, and then also grandparents and child minders collecting children too.

not an issue: when my kids started reception there were parents from age 24 to 50. I had friends across the age spectrum, the ones that stuck did tend to be within 10 years either way but more because of common life stages, working patterns and hobbies/ housing locations than age per se.

No. I don't want to talk to anyone at the school gate regardless of age.

I mean it wouldnt have bothered me but I was in my early 40's when DD started school and she was mixed race as I married a Jamaican, whilst living in the same sort of area as you describe. So it would have been kind of nice to have someone else my age, and in a similar situation ish. I am easy to see as white british but DD is brown british and there were some parents who I am sure avoided us for that reason.

Happily, however, the racist bigots are by far the minority where I am. The mothers you describe will have grown up in a far more diverse world than the previous generation (the one you and I inhabit as I am 52!) and are much less likely to judge on colour or age.

They will soon learn that a good school mum mate who can call on in an emergency is more important than age or race!

Don’t be too keen to make
playground connection…you’ll be signed up to lead PTA events before
you can say no

I’d chat! I’m a natural yapper and there’s parents your age at my child’s school, don’t think anybody thinks twice, I speak to the grandparents at pickup time too. I’m usually rushing so speak quickly to everyone.

I’ll be honest, I’m 45 and much older than a lot of the parents in my youngest sons class, and there’s definitely a mix, because some are in their 20s they seem a bit too polite to me if you know what I mean? Others chat away. I think there’s very likely to be other 40 plus mums. I wouldn’t worry about colour tbh, kids transcend colour when you’re all trying to stop them running off or they’re embarrassing you 😉😅

It's not always the friendliest area so I'd be delighted to talk with any parents.

Am 45 and of a different ethnic background to most of my DC's peers (early primary). Also gay and only two mum family in the school. I don't need school mum friends but it's nice to have pals at pick up and on the inevitable birthday party circuit. Not had a problem and get on with almost everyone in passing. A few I've become closer to and you wouldn't have predicted it based on age/other demographic variables. It'll be fine whether you find pals there or not. It's the kids' friendships that drive the dynamics primarily. Anyone you really like is a bonus.

I Never give thoughts to other mum ages

yes absolutely! Honestly don’t worry about it (47 is nothing!)

Also I chose the wrong option in the poll. Meant to choose the one that corresponds with 'dont worry about it. You're overthinking' 😀

Just smile, say hello and look at people rather than the floor. It will be fine.

Honestly, I think you're worrying over nothing. Yes, you'll be among the older mums, but it won't be the case that you're the only one over 40, for example. There will definitely be some other mums in a similiar-ish age bracket to you.