To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

Totally not OK, not just the name but the whole thing.

Me and my child would not be attending and id have a personal talk with Liam about your non consent.

You are right, shes crossed a line and she needs to be told.

she sounds completely unhinged!!

absolutely no way i would allow this.

I wouldn’t allow this at all - I can picture it turning into years and years of cards and personalised gifts with your daughter’s middle name as her forename.
Simply “No, MIL and DH. This definitely won’t be happening. MIL, you’re welcome to take daughter to the odd family focussed church service when she’s older and teach her about your religion”.

Sorry, is she expecting you to hand over your child for this blessing and not to go? Just say no, your child has already been baptised. She’s welcome to have whatever “grandparent” event she wants but you’ve already baptised your child so it’s done. Say you’re happy to email the priest and explain the confusion, you’ve already done this and have no interest in having another blessing with MILs preferred name.

Call the priest and tell him your baby’s name is X, and while you’re happy to have him blessed in MIL’s church in addition to the christening that has already taken place, you want him to use his actual name (all names?) and not just his middle name.

You don’t have to consent to this if it makes you feel uneasy. It’s not MIL’s choice. You’re already humouring her by allowing the blessing. If the name issue makes you uncomfortable, go over her head and express that to the priest. She went over your head to organize the whole thing in the first place!

You’re “welcome to come”! What, she’s going to come and take your child away for some sort of religious naming ceremony but “you’re welcome to come”? I think that would be a hard no, from me.

Daft but not harmless. She is massively overstepping. What else might she take it into her head to do in future if you let this go on? Get your baby's first hair-cut? shoes? etc etc etc.

You need to nip this in the bud right now. Your DH needs to get on board too - he is trying to avoid a confrontation, but this can only get worse, much much worse, if you don't set some clear boundaries right now.

Never leave your child alone with this lunatic

It's such a shame you're taking your DC out early that day for a good few hours isn't it Op.

Absolutely not.
That's appalling.
Fancy arranging this without even asking you.

This seems totally weird to me. Was the first christening in a catholic church or was it more of a non- religious naming ceremony. Either way it is not her place to arrange this. Is she expecting you to hand the baby over to her then take a back seat while she takes centre stage?

So was she baptised? If so it doesn't matter what MIL and Father Liam think you only have one Baptism, that is the Catholic belief. Not sure what she's trying to arrange but it has nothing to do with naming the child and you wouldn't be unreasonable to tell her she's been Baptised and no need for anything else.

She can do what she wants but my DC wouldn't be present.

Completely out of order. I would be making my feelings crystal clear to both MIL and Father Liam pronto.

I also would not be keen on letting her take the child to church - just in case the temptation to hold an impromptu christening is too much.

batten down your hatches on this one - the weird force is strong

She's probably worried about the babies soul not having been 'properly' baptised. I would allow it but insist on her proper name being used, talk to the priest. You don't want to have various contradictory birth, christening information floating around, as you said the catholic side of the family may decide to use her catholic name, which they would justify as her christened name and that could become extremely irritating.

Absolute lunacy. Just say no.

The brass neck of her!

Absolutely out of order. She can attempt to indoctrinate her own children (which clearly didn’t work) she has no business forcing her religious beliefs on your child. And “renaming” as well?

She needs to be told to back the hell off.

Our daughter has a non-saint, non traditional name. When we got her baptised, I did speak to my priest about it and he said it’s great and the church would see it as maybe she can be the first Saint “So & So”. So not being a saints name is a crap reason. YNBU.

Tell your mil that what she’s doing and the way she’s gone about it is disrespectful and deceitful and you’ll be telling Fr Liam about her underhand ways.

I think it's safe to say that, from now on, the child should not be left alone with their MIL for some years.

This isn’t her child so no, it’s not ok imo. Your child’s name belongs to them it’s part of their identity and I wouldn’t accept someone coming along and pretending their name is something else because they felt like it.

The Catholic Church accepts Protestant baptism - if she does not that is a heresy

She sounds like an absolute freak tbh. Not really sure what to say to this other than stare at her in total disbelief. Then say no way, obviously.

LOL, no WAY would I be allowing my child to go with this woman.

Stop it at all costs @Bobcomp